segeln. ruhe. zwang

oh no my blog is dead.

2008-09-26T11:38:00.004-04:00

and my comment box is being spammed!!

hmm nothing much has happened..met up with the 412 girls quite a bit...actually always worried that i don't have stuff to say to them nowadays...hmm sometimes old friends.. i don't know..always thought it'd be like "we can pick up where we left off" but i guess it can be quite hard if we no longer have the same topics/know the same people etc. but anyway yeah i had alot of fun on mon...met kai em hon jen and we talked over a long dinner/dessert/whatever we wanted; like old times (listened to baby delivery stories) jen left on wed, i sent her off too (t3's so nice!! harhar was quite moved to think of working there one day. so cool. -_-). awwww... suspect the stuff i gave her ended up in her mom's handbag instead of her backpack :|..........=(.

yeah did i mention i miss champaign alot..still quite alot.. and i can imagine how fun times would be there (ok usually when i imagine this i intentionally disregard the thought of weekly problem sets, all-too-often midterms, 20h long lab reports, and incoherent lectures. wait sorry, shouldn't badmouth, it wasn't that bad=PPP)... hope everyone's well. oh yes, ui aik's bday on wed (happy birthday) and yanchuan's bday on thurs (happy birthday. harhar.)... =) coldstone! (?)

i'm all good now, pretty much. still can't help but be in a slight state of disbelief. i can't believe that someone can just...not bother entirely. ouch. reminds me of someone... oops.

but sometimes i'm not so successful, when i think of .. pasta, (vegie) pizza..grilled chicken....strawberry shortcake (oh how come all food hmmmmmmmmmmm harharhar)..isr... chicago. urgh. so conflicting! think of the drinking and then chicago urgh. and now i'm actually scared of die zukunft.

ichkenndichnicht.

2008-07-18T23:29:00.005-04:00

wow i can hear the crickets chirp and the dry breeze through the desolate grass plain (of illinois).

so i'm back. for a while now. life is ok..in general, slow and boring. but i'm sure a year's gonna pass swiftly.. as years do like to do nowadays.

so i thought about it a little more. so very upsetting that it's hard to get a hold of myself sometimes, getting swung up and down and around. but i finally thought enough (through the ouch) to figure it out. i'm very easily affected and traumatized because of what is represented: my hopes and dreams. falling through. so in the end it's all about me, eh. and of course i hope thinking about running down lincoln towards the traffic light at windsor, with the patch of forest to my left, the silo to my right, and a vast golden field of corn right in front, will always be a permanent cure for blues.

it's funny. i remembered some time ago i was thinking. i think everyone is special because we grow to become special. not just the experiences we have that could be unique...but the things - thoughts scars lessons whatnot - that remain with us at the end. it's like as we grow up we accumulate so much that we don't and can't tell and explain to anyone anymore. so tiring to carry stuff around.

yayness

2008-04-02T00:53:00.007-04:00

mar7
went up to chicago and met xizhen. omg. harhar. wow. we ate alot. met up with dennis, eugene, saw yinyi briefly outside her aptment, met bernard and shenting for a meal too. loved hanging out with xizzy at the house of blues. brought her back to champaign with us over the weekend. =)..

things are pretty much all the same.

did i mention unofficial was quite a blast? made a few new acquaintances, fairly interesting company. overall very different. i wonder if doing what i wanna do really makes me hm...
d/c.

ignored so many pple over this past sem. i think i'm just too, one-at-a-time-ish. can't have too many friends simultaneously. feels like i have too little time left. at least i can think of some characteristic times for all of the past few sems, not like my first few, kinda muddled through them.
i got an email about being upgraded to a confirmed seat for my motorbike course. am overjoyed! something i've always always wanted to get to do. but realized i have no one to tell it to; or perhaps i don't have the urge to tell anyone i can think of. it's almost like a loss of appetite. but i reserve a right to do so, even if it offends like i've never done before=S i'm always so good at ruling things out. you're so wrong; if you knew. ha.

403 has been hard work, but luckily i'm taking very few hours this sem and i can focus more attention on it. could be better still! and always doing my report last minute. harhar bad habit. sigh. what am i gonna do. feel ... outside-ish. gotta start recuperating early.
it's april already, i have 40 days left.
this weekend's gonna be wild though.

2008-02-23T18:54:00.003-05:00

i lost something precious in college. relax, not what you think it is. i lost altruism. i listened to myself when i saw dickson raising an eyebrow to what i had to say, and i'm horrified after thinking about it. but maybe i didn't lose it coz it supposedly doesn't exist right. well next time i'll hush, because really, i sound so appalling.
but i did learn something! i learnt that running to techno is absolutely shiok. next time i get struck by ;( there's a cure. i can feel the amphetamine, no that's not the word please don't report me. i can feel the... endorphins, that's right harhar. every 20 mins i feel like i could go on forever. boingboing. and i also learnt that i was born for this weather. it's absolutely shiok too. i mutter (feel like eating mutton curry when i said that, for some reason) under my breath curses of it when i have to go out in it, but secretly, i adore the sharpcoldness in my lungs. really feel alive (and free too..for some reason...). i saw a guy running by me in berms beanie sweatshirt, and i swear if i end up in such a godforsaken place again i'm gonna get my own gear. harhar.

i said i love snow=(

2008-02-05T19:03:00.000-05:00

whatthe*toot* is wrong with champaign. it started raining in the afternoon of course i was only vaguely aware of it. was thinking it'll end by the time i go home at 5+.. but nooooooooooooo. ok it was dumb of me too to wanna go to dcl to drop off my stuff before i went home, but since i'm already carryign it might as well. but it was unfortunate the rain got bigger.. and 2 minutes before i reached home (ok fine lucky it was only 2 mins) it turned into a unrestrained downpour. waaaaaaaaaaah. i fffffff the way to my door.
oh yeah it's been a bad day also because: i broke my sample in lab so had to stay longer, i saw the whole process of a collision outside bp, wet feet again, found out my subatomic prof rides a bike home, in the pouring rain (!!!! ;(;(;(;(), dripped in my room for 15minutes now and the toilet is still occupied (@!#%@!^%!@#$!@$#), undone hw. multiple.
need much much comfort (food).

it was a _____ day

2008-02-04T17:57:00.000-05:00

it was an amazing day because i couldn't see past 50m and everytime i crossed the road i feared a white chevrolet would crawl silently out of the mist and devour me like jaws. ok fine not so dramatic. ("visibility: 1/8 mile")
it was a miserable day because my feet were wet from 10-5. ;(
it was a fortuitous day because it was (supposedly) 50F, and not -20F. oh wait that's why my feet are Wet to begin with. all the dirt slushie. but oh wait somemore, here's the good news, more precipitation coming our way!
it was a ridiculous day because it's monday and i'm already pooped and ready for a weekend.
i need comfort food and i need to wash my feet

oh.my.god.

2007-12-20T17:29:00.000-05:00

there goes my car!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! it just went by my room window!!
i have some attachment/detachment issues to work out.

waited the whole day for "chester" to show up; he was 4+ hours overdue. i thought he was going to be a grouchy middle aged stubbled baseball capped man, but i was wrong. he was a very pleasant, soft-spoken, tall and buff young man. harhar! think luke. harhar..

=(.

same old, same old.

2007-12-16T05:32:00.000-05:00

what an awfully packed day. so i managed to psyche myself up to the level of gripping panic since yesterday afternoon, resulting in an inability to take a nap the whole day on friday after my morning exam (i slept 5 hours before that exam), and 2 intermittent two hour naps between 2am and 10am this (sat) morning, involving countless times of hitting the snooze button coupled with attempted self-consolation.
it sucks to be the last one to finish the exams. i always thought its no big deal, but now that i was actually in that situation, it sucks big time. i walked miserably and grouchily to my exam at 1.30pm, through the snowcovered walkways AND roads, with more snow finding its way down my collar, arriving 2mins before 1.30 and finding a whole classroom filled with pple who look like they've already been writing away for an hour. (so freaky. but i could tell at least there was one other "normal" person, the guy who arrived a little shortly after me. i think he looked a little less stunned when he entered than how i looked..)
it was kinda hard...but after finishing it it was like woosh! i can proclaim i'm done!! couldnt quite get the tension out, it was like hysteresis: slow relaxation resulting in some residual .... stress. but at least i could finally waste time without feeling That guilty...
so then we went for dinner at old man wok and dragged quek along with us...harhar... then we rented two movies and it was about 11 when i was contacted, to go out to the bars later as planned.
so after spending quite alot of time clearing the two inch blanket accumulated on...well, any flat surface including the numerous surfaces that my car has.. i drove down green st, very, carefully, found alot, ran down the line at brothers looking for a familiar face but found none. my calls were unanswered and i was about to run back to my car and get myself home, before i saw lalit waving at me from the line. it was nice to meet him! so i lined up with him (its meant to be?). for a while i was still stuck in the accent thing and i only realised after half a minute how weird i was feeling...i think lalit felt it too...harhar...but i managed to lapse into normal-ism after a while.. it was nice to have had this hour of standing in the snow talking to lalit... as long as the conversation topics don't run dry. he makes me feel very at ease, one of the rare few acquaintances who still make me feel like i can be me, instead of putting up what i think would be a sociable front. but it's funny..i admire lalit for being so .. "out there" mixing with everyone (in his smooth way!) and thought this night was a great opportunity, a second one at that, to make it good possibly. i told lalit that finally i'm ready to get out of my usual (closed) circle, but its my last semester! harhar
so in between getting into brothers and the end of my night...
my first sighting of police (in uniform) in a bar, apparently taking away some pple involved in a brawl. feeling out of place and desperately dependent only on one person. chose the way i wanted it to come out. drove down a one way street and seeing the red "wrong way" sign. got yelled at trying to figure out how to defog the windshield ("just turn the heater on i don't wanna think about the physics now!!"). highly amused by what's out there in the REAL college world (so much trouble that one could get into......). =PPP at the smell. fidgetedly awkwarded and feeling out of place (again) and thinking crap i wanted to get away i wanted to get out but it just ends up the same over and over because i'm just too painfully timid which results in a supremely antisocial demeanor. shouted "i want to skid!!" and had my wish granted, a few times. and figured out that i don't know what i want in life. thought that "just do what makes you happy" is an oversimplified rule to live by, although "do something productive" is way more practical. and figured out i'm not ready either. status quo is good. pooped --> sleep, without worries tonight!!

2007-12-07T21:30:00.001-05:00

everytime i come back from the japan house i feel at ease and at peace. =).. went to our sushi party..there was so much! made our own hand rolls (prof. laid out all the ingredients=) i liked the pickles..and the vinegar rice, and the unagi.. and the takoyaki..and the brandysugarwalnut, and the drysherry cake she made..and the mochi...harhar everything!) had way too much takoyaki for my own good. everytime i made a hand roll i proceeded to eat it up and start at the beginning of the line to make another, and while making stuff i conveniently grabbed a takoyaki (so easy to eat) from the other side. now munching on baby carrots left over from dinner and listening to empowering music!

but i missed physics revue...oh well.

you should choose what's good for you (even if it means 1/310). but first of all, cheers on seeing what's bad for you. cheers!

step step step.

2007-12-06T20:02:00.001-05:00

on many's toes.
poo-ey day today. nobody seemed to wanted to talk to me. xx1 didn't wanna talk to me.. xx2 didn't wanna talk to me...i didn't wanna talk to xx3 (etc etc) even my grad student didn't wanna talk to me at first. and then the awkward (for both of us) runin with my exprof. =SS. inspiring talk though! inspiring talker, young and accomplished, and female! harhar.
hope the rest of the day goes better. for now i shall just conclude that the rest of the world is pmsing HAHA.
coz it's snowing heavily outside and i skidded two times in the snow so i'm very happy and nothing's gonna get me! for now.

welcome to sonnig's moral of the day.
familiarity breeds content. keep your distance.

2007-12-04T19:07:00.001-05:00

! =)) !
my take home wasn't great (at all...) but i just felt =)) after going to prof's office. i think the =)) is accentuated by the fact that this is probably the one of the last few times in qm.. and discussion later will be the last...ever...=( bu she de.
i really like it here...i'm very glad that i took qm over these two sems...lovely coincidences. i'm very happy to be here...and i'm very happy to be a physics major! even if i'm not outstanding in it.. i've never felt so proud of an (soon to be) alma mater before. i think this might have been one of the most wonderful times of my life..
****
gosh my TA walked around the building in a cookie monster costume. the whole thing! ...

i've figured it (x 2) out!!

2007-11-18T22:06:00.000-05:00

i think.
i dare say that men and women only interact in a few ways, and the love that a woman has for men is only of the following: fatherly, son-ly, brotherly and romantic. there is no such thing as pure friendship. come on. they're mysteries to each other to begin with. so they're better off seeking friends within their respective genders, who'd make much better friends. hmmmmm....i guess there's still some figuring out to do...
i've been engrossed with an idea without knowing the reality of things and like growing up it is so difficult to wake up and be told you're wrong and having to let go of what you dreamed of.ouch.

2007-11-08T11:31:00.000-05:00

i think anna is a lovely name btw.

well all that uncertainty is all over, and the plans are set in stone. looking forward to thanksgiving more-_-

talk was meant to be consoling and hopeful, not further traumatizing and depressing. i'm not ready to hear about the realities of life although the largest part of my ;( comes from knowing (but not admitting) that there's some truth in whatever i hear... i think over the past few years how i learned was to hear a little of things i don't like, whimper, run back to my hideout, poke my head out again, etc etc. but i thought about it this time and i'd like to take a deep breath pluck up my courage and say No, i Disagree. but that's only after scrutinizing and questioning what i believe in (once again; a rather frequent exercise nowadays), which is difficult at times because in certain areas it's still very amorphous..
like, can i kick out everything/one that i'm not liberal/forgiving enough to accept? pleasepleaseplease?

anyways. shifeng dropped by last (+last?) week! ok fine, she came all the way down harhar. i brought her to curtis orchard..hmm...of course brought her to all the good places to eat at.=) it was really very short..
xu xu is coming by this weekend too! and we're going to the amish community together with the ssa... yay...

scraper

2007-11-01T17:00:00.000-05:00

i got closely acquainted with the polishing table today. At first she was unyielding, but with the help of my fleetfooted friend acetone i managed to make her come clean. after like 40 mins. erps. what a waste of time.

well yesterday i was walking down lincoln again and near the silo/cowplace (they stank but hey, i don't mind them, give the weather some face) i saw a man and a huge...i think it's a mastiff cross st bernard or sth, except it was totally white. the man took a detour so that he wouldn't have to walk past me with his dog for fear of my chasing after his dog/his dog chasing after me (i can't decide), so he ended up in front of the row of feeding cows with their necks all kiap-ed at the fence. i managed to get a closer look at the dog..he was the loveliest thing i had seen in a long time... his shaggy but clean white coat dangled and bounced, while his curled up tail unfurled a little and furled back as he leisurely, gracefully trotted at his master's side... the sight of him was enough to make me feel one of those moments of peace things. (ach, art199 again).
another interesting happened... as they walked by the row of cows, the latter stood to attention nervously and stared at the dog as he trotted past them, inspecting them, causing a whole row of kiap-ed cow heads to turn in unison. harhar. then, down the dirt bump that i shall call a hill, came thundering a bunch of...i assume, bulls, towards the edge of the fence where the dog was standing outside of. the dog made a rather ungraceful run for it (away, not towards). harhar. the cows looked alert. on the further side of the dog (which is my side) another row of cows had gone back to chewing their cud, all but one, who still stared curiously over. reminded me of me... coz i had stopped and stared too. oops.
on my way back it was kinda dark already..i saw a black lump nestled in the grass...so i went forward and realized it was a cat. so i meooooooooowed to it friendly-ly, but as i got nearer it stared, stood up, arched its back (at which pt i realized i should back off a little), turned its hindside to me and continued staring. pffft. so there you go. cats. atrocious.

the rest of the night was halloween night. kids knocked on our door!!=) and said nothing but expected candy-_-. kids nowadays. sheesh. the house party went pretty well. i was happy. (ahem.) but how come alot of pple don't get happy=(? getting better at taps;) and ripped the demon hunter's hair out, causing him to shriek like a girl in front of the mirror at his new ribbon (hey i made effort to make it look nice hor!) which in turn made me slump to the floor aching with laughter. i almost literally rolled on the floor laughing.

embarrassing outburst. but i still stand by everything i said, to me on a bad day/a day i get a little more time to contemplate, it is all true. what is the Meaning of ___________???

lighter note. "i'll do anything" by jason mraz has been hailed the first song that makes me smile to myself amusedly within the first 2 lines.

a Little late, but happy halloween folks.

2007-10-21T21:47:00.000-04:00

;(. what did i say about not snapping at pple around me. sigh. just when i thought i was becoming normal again. the rug is pulled beneath you sigh. oh well.
anyways, haaaai getting sick and sick and siiiick of school. but i'm getting better at coping with this, pre-long-awaited-break depression (in terms of sian don't wanna do work). or maybe i've just accumulated more solution manuals. after all it's my 5th and 2nd last sem...move it move it. but funny enough, this break i just wanna stay put...

2007-09-23T14:48:00.000-04:00

so the wahrheit of the matter is. you have to be sufficiently silly and naive to be pure of heart and selfless. hmmmm. i'm sad that there aren't enough such pple around me... but i am sad for those who are too.. its true. if the same happened to me, he'd know no one would come after him. at critical moments you see pple staying out of the way.. but its just a reminder that we're all in this Alone. but it's ok, dennesmachtmirnichts. wirdmichnichtauswirken.

2007-09-20T00:50:00.000-04:00

so much for my "i will never complain about it being hot again" a few days ago during the cold front. harharharhar. i am dreading the cold this year. things won't be as convenient anymore..i'm very apprehensive.. weather IS rather important to me i realized. it has to be perfect, not just the right temperature, but the right amount of movement of air as well. so picky. which brings me to what i had been thinking about this evening on my way back from the silos. i think, i'd like to believe, that i know myself pretty well by now, and i've come to the conclusion that if anybody knows me quite well, it gets more and more obvious that i'm an only kid. very often i think about "my way"! and sometimes i insist on getting it, and feel such elation and triumph when i do get it. harhar. amused. i'm enjoying lincoln for as long as i can help it. or rather, as long as the weather permits.

my schedule is a little crazy this semester.. not crazy as in omg i'm not gonna handle it i have to be in school 40h/a week kinda crazy. crazy as in...weird. all my 4 pieces of work are due on mon and tues... and i have absolutely nothing due on the remainder of the week. this extremity, dichotomy (whatever it means, the angmohs in my jap culture class use it so knowingly and professionally i shall use it too to sound cool) is just ridiculous-_-. i'm damn stressed on sunday and monday and tues night then the rest of the week nothing one. erps. weird.

ohohoh. i drove this hugeass BUS to chicago for the labor day trip this year. my mom would've freaked if she had seen it. almost got into an accident the first day driving it back from the uni garage=SSSSSS in chicago walked down michigan ave. so many times i was Really pleased. (..) but alot of the time was spent in the company of freshies. alot of them. did i mention how many there are? too many. argh. maybe partly i felt so antisocial and isolated was coz i feel old. bleah. but i think i'm really getting pretty good at humoring people i first meet..or acquaintances (the hardest).. apparently it seems pretty convincing to a third party...as if i really care. but i'm sure any sharp person can sense that i don't. it's hard to get to know people... i'm close to giving up. besides, my resolution to stick to old friends has been pretty successful! made better friends of old friends too...which, in view of what i just stated, is quite an accomplishment! i've gotten to know what, 5 new freshies? but i've had more homecooked food in the past 4 or 5 weeks than...prob the whole of last semester. and i'm cooking my first meal tmr!!! wish me luck harhar.
i'm just letting this year go by whichever way it desires to.. it is my last anyway...just don't throw me any difficult situations. please?

every kid should have a dog

2007-08-15T12:31:00.000-04:00

seriously, i think every kid should grow up alongside a pup. look into the eyes of an adoring and worshipping creature. have a taste of giving and receiving unconditional love. AWWWWWWW.

ok somebody find me somewhere/one to teach me boxing i need to exert excess energy and punch some bags. lalalalalalalala jump around.

das ende.

2007-08-14T12:50:00.000-04:00

so it is. glad i've weaned myself of some unwholesome addictions over the holiday, but i'd never know if jiu bing will fu fa. definitely feels like it would. feel like i'm on the brink of sth, in (unstable) equilibrium and ready to totter. in or out?

this summer's been quite different..at least how i feel about it has been somewhat, drastically, different. met up with pple certainly..but slow and easy. too slow and easy hmmmmmmmmm.
stunning that i saw so many faces i knew today. and each that i saw brought a brief flashback in mind. recent meetups with girls made me remember what happy days without boys around were like... a dash of respect and Trust. i think the dearth/lack of those in recent times is prob what made me regress rather than grow as a person. sad. don't turn into them; jesterhood wears down the courage to even mention feelings. pothole spotted (too slow, as usual) engage evasive measures? abzureissen. zumeinembesten. fast becoming an expert at being a tough coward.
so i savoured and was touched by the trust, sincerity, and by flowing words in my presence despite an absence of a year. i'm so glad i met some of these girls. taught me alot about giving and receiving empathy.
but for some subconscious reason i keep reminding myself, really: nothing lasts forever. so you can't count on anyone/thing.

ichhol'stückevonmirab und setz'diewiederzusammen
brüchig, zerschmetternbereit
nichtszubedeuten.
wünscht'dirniegetroffenzuhaben.

ach! onto a brand new sunfilled weekend. hope my bag's not too heavy harhar.

i want to run over a cliff

2007-07-31T11:00:00.000-04:00

and float over the pacific.

ran all my urgent errands in the morning...and it seemed too fastly (xiz!) and smoothly done to be real... kudos to the ica. awfully impressive. oh yes met my niece too.
relaxing afternoon.....just what i've been needing dearly (but don't know when such a time will next be). even before lunchtime, at city hall starbucks just reading my 'a walk in the woods' by bill bryson... i think it's fast becoming one of my all time favourites...about nature, with lots of sarcasm and humor in everything he sees. ok sometimes it's a bit too sarcastic it raises a brow.
got me thinking about hiking the AT...or any long, arduous trail. not for the fainthearted or weakkneed! nahhhh. more like for the super boliao and masochists (Without the sexual connotations please). ok not so bad, let me try that again. more like for those who get lost (not literally) in the glory and peace of nature as well as their own thoughts...and most importantly..silence. a keen eye and nimble feet for obstacles would also be valuable endowments. the book has made my feet itchy.. but, don't be CRAZIER, sonnig.

i'd like to read another book, in a sunburnt country... which i ended up hunting for in mph but was disappointed. i think if i were only allowed one hobby in my life i'd like it to be reading. longlost pleasure revisits! and if i were allowed two hobbies i'd have the other be tennis=). bottle of remedy = occupation. and i'm glad my wii brings peace to the world, no matter how shortlived that may be. harhar.

2007-07-30T00:18:00.000-04:00

abstinence is the key to inner peace and integrity (as opposed to torn). yeah right. but kick me if i do it again. eff. (i still can't say it=( )

over the past 2 days i've come to the realization that my smalltalk ability has absolutely deserted me.... yesterday at the dinner table, which was the only time of the whole night i dragged myself out of my hiding hole (where i was happily reading harry potter 5, where i left off. i aspired to finish the book by the end of the night...but only got to a mere 59/765+ pages-_-), i found myself looking down almost all the time...or staring at somewhere blankly... spoke only when spoken to...responded minimally to direct questions...but otherwise adhered strictly to "little kids should be seen and not be heard". oh dear... the night before that was somewhat similar too, at kai's. because it seems to take so much effort and discomfort just to make conversation with new pple nowadays...is this a sign of old age.
or maybe not....i found myself severely regressing in front of the two little kids (ok not exactly little).. or maybe coz theyr'e just..not grown up. they tortured me =( while all i wanted to do was read my book in peace. they made me watch high school musical which i thought was damn highschoolish and hence .. -scratch head bizarre look- juvenile. they poked and slapped me in my stomach a few times... after which they'd give an astounded look and proceed to laugh hysterically, at which i'd roll my eyes and go, i know, faat. well it's nice to see that pple are still so fond of me/disturbing me when i've not done a thing.

well i met eunice and dom for dinner on friday...yay...harhar but eunice has changed, eunice is grown up! dom hasn't=PPP (changed i mean=P)

kai's bday party on sat, (but happy birthday kai! on wednesday) and before that met em and jo (! =) ) in an attempt to watch the simpsons, that failed miserably. nice seeing some of the 412 girls (as always) at kai's place..and grateful for the distraction/entertainment once in a while.

and sunday was jennie's bday! happy birthday... hon and i met up for lunch with her at suntec, with her churchmates..but went off ourselves after that.

the ntu kids make alot of noise during orientation...sounds as if they're having lots of fun. harhar. yet another sober reminder of, bleah, -old age-.

it's my holiday...but guess what the only thing i'd be able to remember about it is....pffft. champaign was nicer, for wallowing in peace. NO! no wallowing. slapslapslap. bottle of wallowing-remedy?

2007-07-25T11:13:00.000-04:00

i was on the bus ruminating as usual...and recalled how...under threat i'd say "you wanna take it outside? let's go." and thought, crap, if we really take it outside, what happens after that? hence, i decided i shall Eventually learn kickboxing. HARHARHAR. just coz i'm a girl don't think i'm not up to it.
hmmmmm...'ve got alot to say, boldly...had actually... and poof it all disappeared.

anyway, i have a grand plan!!! for being 21. i'm only 21 once... (ok fine i'm 21 for prob 365 days but...that's beside the point) -shou wu zu dao-. -fingers crossed-. but.. is it worth the $$$$$$?

out.! (ouch.)

2007-07-22T04:11:00.000-04:00

i went to town yesterday morning and on the mrt i was quite irritated. at around clementi these two girls got on, and the taller one stood so near me i couldn't bring myself to breathe. -continues to bitch-. and it wasn't like there was no space on the other side; they just wanted to have sth to hold on to, and unfortunately that thing was right next to me. the taller one thought that it was all ok just coz she stuck the back of her head in my face (she was 2 to 3 inches from me, and i was definitely NOT comfortable with that). i ran some comments through my head, ranging from "could you move over a little? you're encroaching on my personal space" to "oops do you girls mind? i farted." but thought that that was rather distasteful and didn't wanna ruin their obnoxiously unaware mood, so i resorted to flamboyantly grabbing my phone from my bag to show i needed lots of space, trying to breathe on her arm that barred me into place, as well as giving a super -_- look to her shorter friend when she turned around to talk to her taller friend, hoping she'd notice and pull the taller one towards her, and hence AWAY from me. but alas, to no avail. which brought me to think, that self-unconsciousness and buzidong-ness cannot be single-gened diseases, because 1. that's very rare and 2. would be easily rooted out, neither of which would be true since it seems to be belligerently rampant in this population. i conclude that it is caused by multiple genes as well as nurturing. pffffffft.
on the bright side, i am harmlessly invisible. yay!

so i met jen and emily! as well... shopped shopped ate ate...shopped ate shopped ate...at least settled what we set out to achieve. then i took the bus with emily and ended up at her place. found several things to have changed... very excited that all of them are working at AH.. means can meet up with alot of them all at one go... then em drove me to buona vista harhar so fun... hai.
i realized that being back here reminds me of the process of how i ended up being how i am... and also how little SPACE there is... maybe that's why the greater feeling of liberation back in champaign...

well, also, hinaus! lies lies. everytime i decide to stick to my word but i know i will falter in the face of a situation. either completely out, or involved, i can't handle anything in between.-_-.
but like my daily trips to windsor had taught me, at 7.30 one day i could be feeling bogged and as if the whole world's against me and nothing's going right, but at 7.30 the next everything's different and there ain't a cloud in my blue sky.

and i think i'm kinda screwed up..hmmmmmmmmm. for as long as i can remember, i have not reciprocated any imus and ilus, let alone said any myself. as if there's a barrier set up and i'm happily crouching behind it. well, it's hard to put it out there. and i'm pretty damn sure i'm not the only screwed up one around=P.

over my head

2007-06-28T22:33:00.001-04:00

the weekend was good stuff, a little smoky. harhar. i enjoyed myself, basking in all the singaporeaness. i never would have imagined, that i'd enjoy summer so.=)... but i was somewhat dazed and confused too....hmmmmmmm. shrugs.
and a little puzzled...it was all ok at the beginning of summer, and then something snapped and i don't even know what. =S. well is it my fault?? tell me if it is. otherwise get off of it.

it rained yesterday, so it was meant to be that i stayed home and got started on that packing i had promised to do nonlastminutedly. so i did. took a little bit of courage just to start. hmm..i don't really have alot of stuff i realised...i think a 3rd of my possessions = books, a 3rd = clothes and the other 3rd...HARHAR. like various lotions that i will never get down to using, which i bought just coz they smelled nice. doh. hmm really little possessions. nah i like it that way.
and i had alot of papers... stuff...papery stuff... 90% of which i threw out as i filtered through them. hmm...got me thinking. i used to be such a hang-on-to-everything-for-dear-life-or-memory person...but now i just love to get around with minimal baggage.... yerp. learn to detach yourself from all that is ephemeral kiddo. ;(
well everything's spilled all over my living room floor, but no worries, i've got it all under control. i just have to throw out half of what's in the living room and the remainder's keepers. i wish i had an suv, so i could fit everything into my car. well maybe my chrysler's magically big enough. who knows.
i even got my bag for home all packed...=)....two more weeks. and my prof's on holiday for the next two weeks. winks;)

hmmm...also, on my way home yesterday something suddenly came to my mind. inspired by the weekend i must say. i think, that people who knowingly or unknowingly seek attention of those around them/display selfcenteredness (nb, not selfish-ness) haven't or refuse to grow up. respectively. and they are, not to mention, irritating. food for thought. yumyum.

and i can pretty safely say that "my fallen idol" is my fav scrubs episode. oops. hurhurhur.

another Very spontaneous weekend getaway perhaps? whaddya say.

and remind me to continue living in my own world in fall just like i did/do in summer=).

2007-06-21T22:05:00.000-04:00

so i varied my route a little today. i parked at the university arboretum lot, and headed for orchard downs (which was bleaaah). then i came up race st, which i always liked, from the drives back from church. very green=) coz it's evergreens. so that was nice. anyway, the little mansion opp. the big chancellor's mansion along florida looked like a miniature replica of it! red bricks, grey tiled roof, long rectangular windows with white blind thingies whatever you call them...hmmmmmmm. maybe the vice chancellor lives there harhar.
then i walked down the path with the flowers on either side=) they were all small and quite pretty, nice bright colors. and then there was this big round garden with alot of flowers inside...all still miniscule and growing.. kinda different from when i was last here, which was some time near winter when all was barren. it was so nice and quiet and the air was so sweet that it was romantic, and i could fall in love, with myself. HAHA. so egotistical and vain. but far from being on par with some of the pple i've known. pfft.
anyway yar the flowers were small and nice (pardon the lack of adjectives but i was never overflowing with those) and i imagined that planting them in and putting the soil on each one had as therapeutic an effect as...collecting fresh laundry....or maybe grooming a pet (i wouldn't know)..or driving madly on interstate in some random direction..harhar. so i think, when i grow up (...), besides having two massive dogs, i will plant pretty little petunias and vincas and angelonias on my lawn, and let the dogs trample them. HAHA.
anyway, to illustrate my pt about the very romantic atmosphere, there was a couple behind their car hugged together warmly. all the while when i walked back to scrutinize a map for 5 minutes (hoping they'd disperse meanwhile), walked past them to my car, got in started and drove off. harhar. shrugshrug. beats me.

cross my fingers and toes that i will be excused from chp395, and more imptly, that i'll get art 199.;(( i really want that (those).

pfffft. 33%. !@#$%#

2007-06-19T12:11:00.001-04:00

f-ing pissed off.
all i'm gonna remember of summer is running errands x 10. half of my f-ing todo list is for other pple. just one too many.
breathe breathe.

you know, with some pple it's ok, regardless of whether you're awfully close to them or not. you don't feel like you've been made use of just because it's more convenient that way for them (even though it is less convenient for you of course). you feel like, the person really means he/she "appreciates it" (which they all say), and that you're really going out of your way to do this for them. if they could do anything about it, they would, and they have done all they can. you're their last resort.

i have always always felt that if you can help without going through much trouble (maybe just a bit of a hassle), let's say just drive down somewhere and run an errand for someone who really needs it, it doesn't cost me much time or effort and i'm more than happy to help. ju3 shou3 zhi1 lao2. really doesn't mean anything to me because it's so simple. i hope i don't lose this attitude, even though pple who are on the receiving end are beginning to adopt it as well, which is WRONG. it's wrong for a person being helped to think, geeeee it's so easily accomplished by her anyway; it's nothing much (go do it yourself). for me, personally, i think it's ok if one takes oneself for granted, but it is a sin for others to take one for granted.

but this isn't the worst. the worst is when you're victim of a purpose. i really hate that.. i really hate sugarcoated motives...(esp when it takes me a while to realize coz i'm so wols.)

let me continue this bitter post and say how bloody glad i am that some pple are out of my life: i am very glad. they have been a waste of my time and energy. luckily i didn't spend too much of my emotions on that. i have never met pple so simply and overwhelmingly RIDICULOUS.

what's yours?

2007-06-07T01:32:00.000-04:00

cheated and took so long to realise. some people just don't get it, or deserve it. notetoself: withdraw for own good. there's a limit now, to what i can take.

it's been a while. i started "work" last week and it's moving along slowly..very slowly. have gotten used to being along again and out of my postholiday downs. so i'm starting to enjoy my time here and the quiet campus. well, i liked my holiday too. although the travelling was, well, really quite trying. came to dread the way back, but at least That didnt turn out to be 30+ hours, although it was horrid too..

jen and hon you are both right. harhar. greyhound, the cheapest way to get around longdist, if you've got all the time in the world, and don't mind spending a few hours during every transfer at notorious stations.
and joshua, i met someone who could beat you. and she's a granny!! she was greyhounding from boston to LA. horrors.

went up to chicago to visit xu xu over the weekend too. way too short. harhar... she was studying so i tried to minimize my presence... which kinda defeats the purpose right. oh well. i think next time i'll simply go up and just enjoy myself aimlessly, instead of with "purposes to achieve".

hmm, surprise surprise, but i can't wait to get back. but there's so much to be done after i get back too...sigh. 4 weeks (possibly less..) will pass so quickly. sigh.

2007-05-09T22:25:00.000-04:00

so...exams are over... at least the actual exams. still got a report due. sian. after tmr i think alot of pple would've ended and would be fully relaxed. so i must chiong finish my report tmr also! otherwise i'll have them gloating in my face;(
this week's not over and i'm already fully planned for the next week and a half, which is gonna be challenging...but exciting too!
never tried before. 25h of greyhounding. =SSSS. shh no one tell my mom. as long as there's me and my ipod, i'm happy, and i could go on forever. it's all part of the experience, oder?
meeting hannah and xu xu in chicago next tues, after bringing ui aik and junwan up to o'hare. awwwww. this weekend...grad lunch...can nua a bit...and then next week..my goodness harhar. what can i say, there are always places to go. and ways to get there.
now that the holidays are almost here...i can...as usual, "do all that i want to do".. harhar "which never get done" may i add. i shall, run every evening down to the FAR fields... hmm.... find a stable to do horseback riding, chup in for motorcycle lesson, read all the books, relearn EM which, admittedly, was never learnt (you should be ashamed of yourself). many things.. oh yes no. 1 resolution: wake up no later than..um..8am every day. HAR.
oh yes did i mention i have 2 weeks off. and then it will be summer till forever..and hot forever.

was very happy today. paisehs.
i thank goodness for the clarity with which i see/feel. but i hope it's not bitterness and regret! that would be...regretful. and i'm really glad... as usual, for many things in life..yeah. including the newly acquired clarity. amused.

but. piss me off. i'm regretful, that other pple have to bear with it. but... argh. it's just something else that i feel strongly about (take it or leave it..). after spending so long convincing myself to stomach it i guess it doesn't work. or maybe i'm just becoming so picky.. and so tired of pple.. so i was looking to a break but i just smacked into more..
slapslapslap. regains joyful mood. coz i also happen to have a rather staunch disposition of one who is against sulky girls who -don't really wanna talk about it but obviously sulky for everybody else to see and be infected too-. HARHAR. yeah. cheers for the crowd, for all of you.
at the very most it will be spring.

2007-05-06T22:36:00.000-04:00

something else i've learnt!
when somebody's not pleased with you, always ask, what did i do wrong. if you can't find anything, proceed to bash the other person up. heheheheheh.
and, it's always so so natural, as if by right, that "your side" of the story conveniently excludes anything against your favor. hm... oh well.
well, failure to report the whole truth beats outright twists and lies.

anyway. 17 year old boy's bday today. so extra extra long dinner. -_-. well i'm glad there are still seniors who'd celebrate for him despite it being the eve of finals week..yeah. =)..
almost there. hang on!
oh yar. continue heckcaring. well done.

2007-05-05T07:00:00.000-04:00

there are certain things i like and things i really really don't like... please don't ask me to tolerate those i don't like, because that's one of the (few, i'd like to think) things i really can't achieve... i'm not giving it a chance you may say, but... but.. soooooooo?
so i'm not a hypocrit, but why do i feel so......hmmmm. nobody's asking me, but i feel compelled to for some reason. yucks. passive aggression. i will never be myself again, if i have to worry about the consequences of what i say. how sad.
i am criticized for the pointlessness of demarcating boundaries... but i'm not so zai, i need a filter to make sure my life is still handle-able.
bet no one realised who i was really targeting with my announcement till just now. some things i just feel too strongly about, and i can't conceive the idea of compromising it. and i still can't figure out if i should be happy i'm plucking up enough courage to express my stands, or whether having an opinion on certain things is good. and i can't figure out if it's ironic too, what i'm doing is exactly what i'm against...who is to say if it's right ;( things used to be black and white ;(
arrrgh!. argh argh. i know the reason for wanting to get away next weekend. it's such a strong impulse too! argh.

2007-05-01T01:09:00.001-04:00

you still remember who's been good to you when times are hard.

hmm...infreundschaftsucheichnachrespektundoffenheit. andernfalls... ichkannmichnichtentschließen.

anyway. what an eventful weekend. larlar. and i had hell day last friday... then i went to kick some soccer and that was damn shiok. then went to yeelin and helmi's for the yummy dinner they kindly treated all of us too. how nice.. then hollered some and made my mind up, which is a very decisive/dangerous thing btw. oh well. too bad. maybe it's weird of me, but i'm entitled, since i'm not Really doing anyone a disservice, because, well, the stipulated consequences were stated prior.
it's funny. i always thought i was weird because of the way i do certain things. two things in particular. but recently i've come to learn about two others who handle things in the same manner. i am reassured that i'm not the one-of-a-kind-weird. at least a little more mainstreamedly weird. HARHAR.

saturday was eventful, traumatic, but ... hmm.. oh well. harhar. i saw the best of things and pple, that was the only reassurance.

and sunday was packed! i went ot church with andrew in the morning, followed by brunch at LAR again (thanks again). and then i went for lab for 3 hours, during which my lab partner and i exposed each other to our music and consequently "it's alllright"-ed at each other harhar.

after getting through tuesday i think i shall be fine....=).. this week is kinda slack ... compared to previously lar...whatever.

i'm not afraid to say this. the singaporeans here like to talk alot. and sometimes i'm not too sure about their intentions. makes me thoroughly disgusted when i think of the possible motivations. one of which is, simply, talk and laugh about other pple's misfortunes. i am sick of and revolted by not-well-intentioned people; it is so f-ing ugly. get out of my life.
if you don't have anything good to say, don't say it. that's what i remembered my telling myself. and hmm, i shall recontinue to remind myself of it.
but at the same time, it only makes me appreciate the truly good people much much more. well done pple.

on lighter notes. i booked my ticket home on saturday.. for not too bad a price. i think i will be able to break even. a pity i can't really weave a little trip into that.
and summer..summer...don't have to pay rent anymore for 3months ! yay...won't be so poor. i splurged over the weekend... diao.

fades away

2007-04-21T16:47:00.000-04:00

i feel like something's being lost, but i don't know what. it's slowly slipping away, and it's largely my...well..not really fault...but..."doing". something's changing.. i'm scared, but i get used to it, and i take it for granted, like everything else that has changed. oh well, nothing stays the same. i need a breath of fresh air.
and i need to focus!!

the weather is gorgeous and i love my balcony coz it's nicely shaded from the sun yet you can still enjoy the breeze and the warmth. i won't have a balcony next semester;(
i ran down to FAR yesterday, and even kicked some soccer. my gawd. but i was quite useless. harhar. but it was nice that no one challenged me the two times i had the ball; no one guarded me the whole time; and stupid dquek cheered me on with disguised insults everytime i made a run for the ball. HARHAR. it was interesting. i said i'd join them one fine day, i guess yesterday was the fine day.
although i had overdue work. up till now=SS.

i wasn't there; you weren't there... hmm. sowieesist.

i have a pretty short attention/interest span i realised.. arghness. just thinking about stuff makes me argh. i think i need to do sth man. i wish i could get out of here. i need a roadtrip again!!
i look forward to summer. but am a little horrified by the thought of having no tv when i'm finally free to indulge myself. what am i gonna do then, besides feeding myself. sniffs. i will have to rely on books. i always believed i could handle being alone, and this would prove me right/wrong. and anyway, uiuc's so...ulu. the only place i can spare time to make it to And enjoy is, what, chicago over the weekend. pfft. and after early june even xu xu won't be around.

okok. focus.

"time to let go"

2007-04-08T18:09:00.001-04:00

aka "whaaatever. i'm outta here".
harhar.

so. ssa 07-08 has a new committee!! yay!! congrats to you guys. and gooooood luck. hurhurhur.
don't feel immediately freed. soon soon. now i can seriously consider realising all the things i've been wanting to do.. which is strange because i don't really think that organising ssa activities really took up that much time...but probably because i just set aside more time and attention for ssa because of high expectations. harhar well.

has been a busy week as usual...but it's gonna get worse. things turned out well. can't help but secretly impose expectations of outcomes. but thankfully for an enlightening conversation with a senior, i suddenly learnt sth that's applicable to me in general and not just in this instance. we all have expectations about the way things -should- turn out, but if it doesn't we will be ultra disappointed. so maybe we shouldn't have all these expectations. harhar. and with this is another thing. things will somehow work out..somehow.
i can't concur confidently, but i shall believe it.

kiv.

2007-03-26T15:50:00.000-04:00

"silly sun yi", as they say. not to mention "as stubborn as sun yi" too.

well. springbreak is officially over, and school is officially on again. sniff. sob. wail.
ritualistically i skipped EM just now. lab lecture was slightly less boring.
but there's so much to do.. i need to renew my passport too. i wonder where that will take me.

so, the last two days of my break:
the drive from toronto to michigan was long, zhixiu almost fell asleep!
but our stay in ann arbor was pretty nice. nice big dinner, kachiao-ed pple after that. talked to selene with junwan...hmm....so much going on... so messy. =S.
we all had bfast on friday morning with joshua's SunShine! before we left for michigan city. i spent a bit (coughcough) in michigan city. and then i got to drive back although i was a little tired, having slept pretty little the previous night and stayed up through the drive from ann arbor to mich city.. but i overcame it soon enough with loud music and unabashed crowing, while the rest of the car was drifting in and out of sleep. hai that felt good, very therapeutic. just reaffirmed my passion for longdistances harhar. i also got a kick out of being the leader of packs for once, thanks to the radar. sniff, we're all getting reliant on gps-es too...what happened to good old roadmaps and getting lost and all.

so after another 2.5hours we reached champaign in fabulous time, like 8pm. first time so slack. like zhixiu said, usually we get back at 1am etc... and a mad rush following that and everyone lacking sleep. harhar. what a strange holiday. indeed. .. having sulked through pretty much all of it. *doh. deserve to be slapped. harhar.

last night there was a dinner for bday pple, jermyn janice ray, at manwok (always). i sat through it quite numbed, everyone talking around me. i couldn't bring myself to "socialize" or make conversation. i think it's just that time again when i feel like being alone. happens to me once in a while. shrugshrug. too much going on around me (quite literally too, over dinner), disconcerted, too much for me.

hmmmmmmm. need not be so extreme.
i mean. i learned to zero my expectations, amongst so many things i learned. now i'll need to learn to zero hopes.
it's not all that schlecht. =)

"who am i to judge"

2007-03-22T03:00:00.000-04:00

at least allow me to be angsty.

i know i've told myself about the regrets thing and all...but i really regret this holiday not being relaxing for me. in fact i feel like i just sank deeper into confusion, instead of feeling all cleared up. certainly i am not without blame...but it's just been...
i don't know. i feel stifled again. wernimmtmichweg.

niagara was pretty. didn't spend as much time as i liked to soak up the atmosphere though. the weather was a little chilly. hmmm....the roar was great. what a wonder. my citrus chicken salad at hard rock cafe was great though harhar. left me pining for more.
toronto seems a little greyish.. downtown reminds me of chicago but a little cosier and alot cleaner.. it's kinda small though. haven't really gotten a chance to explore it on foot all that much actually, only last night when i walked to the nearest cinema with kristin. oh yes i visited her place, went to The Mall, crashed an incredibly boring bio lecture, met one of her cute shy friends harhar.. yeah it was cool to put to actual experience what she had told me about.
today/yesterday we drove past the harbor, up to casa loma and spent a good deal of our afternoon there... had pretty good dimsum in chinatown (which Was disappointing, kristin you were right) and circled the CN tower.. well at least our hotels' near a shopping complex. i don't know what i'm talking about...

this isn't over yet, i've got 2 more days.

2007-03-12T03:07:00.000-04:00

it's ok. everything's ok.
harhar. crap.

had a nice dinner on fri night... kayak polo at night...torance popped out harhar... then it was kinda late to join the seniors' late night gathering...helped make jello shots. yum.

sat afternoon went to walmart with dennis. nice to catch up. he's really quite rare. then met up with all the seniors for dinner at manwok...after that went to meijers...then sat around waiting for our apt crawl to start. soon enough it started and joshua's aptment was packed...played beer taps etc. i sat one side and nua-ed. yay. moved on to zhixiu's after that...
sun woke up too late to see the seniors off...
the weather was fantabulous today. and the sunset at FAR was pretty, from blue to purple. and the air was crisp and cool (a little too cool). yay.

spring, i can smell it already.

ichhabsovielzusagenaber. i think. what do i do.!

2007-03-06T13:23:00.000-05:00

saw my first sem 242 michaelballacklookalike TA on my way to school. =). still so, cough, cute, and still so bochap looking. damn funny. i should really dig out a photo somewhere and compare it with michael ballack.

and i noticed that alot of geologists are chinese. Hmmmmmm.

and i've met my match. it's the lab report that never ends. horror.

hilfe!

2007-03-05T16:38:00.000-05:00

ok this place is damn screwed up. harhar. shit.
hilfe!

you learn from the pple who pass through, but hopefully just the good stuff;)

2007-02-23T01:08:00.000-05:00

to accomplish great things you have to sacrifice some little things.
cough cough.

on a lighter note, this is so nice=):

cny @ bena's (surprise surprise), stolen from hon. i enjoy laughing at eric's hair. harharhar.
the party's shrinking. and, australia seems damn slack. how come bena seems to spend as much time back in sg as she does in melbourne. i don't get it.

week has been hectic, have disappeared again. luckily i did most of my lab report the previous week, and thank goodness for last week's snowdays. but weekends always pass me by too quickly, and i'm always stuck with doing work on weeknights. sian.
still ok, not really running low on steam harhar. but i look forward to my springbreak, which is still kind of a haze. damn. (-refrains from griping in accordance with new year's resolution. there, wasn't that hard-) harhar, labpartner: "let's just...drive up to chicago tmr." tempting eh. i can imagine having a good time there already ;(
harhar, relax. all of you. be strong too. though i feel pointless too.
back to work.

boy am i glad. (happy cny too)

2007-02-18T16:47:00.000-05:00

cny celebrations went ok...felt a little slack coz i didn't do much harhar. oh well.
after coming back i felt a little bogged... but i must say again i am so thankful for things i have and things i don't have as well.
i decided, whatever, i'm going out tonight. by that i meant yes ok andrew i'm going to joe's with you and jermyn. it was interesting, i was..greatly amused. gave me an insight to how -the game- works. harharharhar. learnt alot harharhar. but not very useful as a girl lar...or maybe not. hmmmm.
harhar, it was very uncharacteristic of me i realised. but once in a while you do sth like that to make life less mundane, and bogged.

thanks to a few friends who called.... my bad for not taking the initiative i must say. but it was very sweet and surprising (a little), too. diverted my attention, which is always good. sometimes i just wanna get away from here, hang out with others, take my mind off things.
hmm. and i think, actually it doesn't even matter, it's not even what's important in the long run. and it's just too bad about certain things in your life, just, whatever lor. (a "shrugs" kinda whatever, not a badattitude-d whatever=P). still looking for a stable element..

oh yeah, my new year's resolution is not to complain so much. harhar. help me please. slap me whenever i bitch harhar=P. you know you can do it;) (i'm talking to myself).

just went for lunch at our usual man wok with a few seniors and fiona and junwan. we agreed to have a cookout later. ...=)..

happy cny everyone.

Snow Day (again) AND Vday

2007-02-14T23:59:00.001-05:00

take that. har.
unbelievably blissful day it was too..
caught up majorly on sleep though i set my alarm for 9am (early, by my standards), went for lunch at like 3pm with junwan. nothing much, just joined the boys in hotwok. came back very happy... for some reason. i suddenly felt that, if only life could be like this forever, so simple and straightforward (at least around me...) and happy. and that made me look forward to my house next year=P
attempted to do some work, before junwan picked me up for dinner with her and liyana. gave the crowd a miss (and i'm glad...it drains me at times.. i've already done this twice and both times i've felt so happy about it=PP i'm becoming antisocial.. oops.) and had a wonderful all-girls' night at dorcas, binging on food and sharing stories and laughs and eyerolling and exasperations and we-can't-make-it-how-ar. girls. don't you just love them. we made a date for the next vday.

we dropped by manwok after that, where the crowd was still having their dinner. so nice to see everyone, but glad i wasn't in the midst of it harhar. gravitated towards fiona and joshua, talked a little, and then the 3 of us were off again. we stopped by moonstruck, got liyana sth, who got each of us a chocolate heart too =), and got a few slices of cake for the pple around us=). junwan's great idea.
many things made my day of course, snowday, min ah's little gift, zhixiu's rose (from scratch, but looked perfect/purchased. not to show off, but he only made a few. it just made me feel..... hmm... accepted. after so long. that was what made me happy, and taken by surprise actually..) subtly given, liyana and junwan's dinner company, liyana's chocolate heart, even dquek's niceness for once=P (he didn't call me poony last night, and was actually friendly at manwok. pffft)... it's been pretty memorable... and happy of course. i think when i leave here i can really say i had a great time.
hmmm, wasistdennvermisst.
happy anniversary, illinois license. harhar.

my secret fantasy come true. (we stole all your snow)

2007-02-13T10:21:00.000-05:00

so i woke up at 8.40 just now and went for my phys class. i got out and sth wasn't right. i was stumbling through snow that came up to 5cm above my ankle bone (that's 15cm for you), and pelting (pelting?) snow on my face, kinda like a white, melty sandstorm. crap, i'm so gonna be late, i thought. my 6min's walk's gonna be 12 mins at this rate. there was a guy who came out with a bike in the covered carpark, who eagerly ran his bike out into the open. then, everytime he tried to get on and start riding, he got stuck with no momentum and promptly tilted back over. HAHA. (oops). although i was behind him i could tell he was kinda embarrassed. so cute.

and when i made it to class...there were 2 pple standing in the corridor and one of them showed me the email sent at a little earlier than 9am by the chancellor about classes being cancelled for the day. "so saaaaaaaaad". it is! making me wake up at 8+ and trudging through such fury.

so i trudged back home and saw practically all the uiuc folks' nicks being somewhere along the line of "classes cancelled! woohoo!!". (i'm right, i don't know how they know it, but i'm always a little behind in realization).

one word: shiok.

oh, 4 more words: time to go drifting!

subsequently, crappy suggestions of snowmen and snowfort building shall not be heeded. going to make a hot cuppa (sth...i don't know what) and head promptly back to bed. or lab report.

blessed.

2007-01-22T04:32:00.000-05:00

i do feel..
i don't know...it just seems like everything works out in the end. it's been a very...happening weekend...
oh yes, i caught casino royale on fri night. it was...very interesting. tarnished my image of cleanshaven, nosweat, evenifthere'sbloodit'sinonestylostreak bond 007, but i found it really interesting. modern 007.
sat night i killed myself playing capt's ball and badminton but boy was it shiok. harhar..."don't try so hard". bleah.
and hurhurhur. i "passed" manual. kinda.
this morning i was waiting for my friend at the hub, in the basement to be precise, and i saw this pasted on the wall:
http://www.ecoin.net/bc/fm_dts.htm
though it wasn't Exactly relevant, i found it really strong.

sun night, i'm proud of me.

wish me luck in my msn rehabilitation process harhar. ..... ;( sad already.
good week to all.

winter finally came.

2007-01-17T14:21:00.000-05:00

yeah it snowed yesterday. but it's still alright, not too bad. what a weird winter. i'm worried for the globe.

well. i had a great great time in chicago before flying off for my course. it just felt so different. and i got to talk to shirlyn a little more. got to know a few more pple... spent some time with friends. yeah it was sweet and relaxing. i guess i really appreciated it because of the whole situation i was in: i had stayed up the whole night finishing my proposal (and thinking i wasn't living up to expectations, which i probably didn't) before taking the lex on sun morning up to chicago with cheahuiaik. so i guess those 2 days were really great at least because i was done with my pre-course work.
so we had a xmas eve dinner with plenty of food, including a turkey=). and on xmas we went out to downtown...and everything was closed. -_-. but we lounged around at a cafe/restaurant/bar place. and after that jiahao dennis and i met up with ui aik and his little brother for vietnamese noodles in chinatown. i got a call from xu xu too. thank you=). after that i packed my stuff and off to o'hare on xmas night. sian.
i was in an anti mood to begin with. what's new=P. all angmohs, but very nice.
we stopped over at guatemala for 6h. wah that was tough to tahan.
and finally we reached costa rica, stayed at a hotel near the airport for the first night, and then took a minivan on the next morning through the cloud forest mountains for 3 hours to get to our biological field station.

it's called the La Suerte Biological Field Station, after the river Rio La Suerte:

A few days of monkey observation ensued:
Our monkeys:

Their monkeys:

ok, what our monkeys Really Should look like: (you're supposed to say "cute")

There were days that were...
fun:

and not so fun:

yeah. i nearly died the last few days. prior to the start of this, i had conveniently forgotten it was a course after all.
and 2 weeks later that was the end of it.
one last (wonderful) view from the hotel we stayed in:

i enjoyed myself...and i didn't enjoy myself at times. it was pretty intense, but fulfilling. i was so relieved to be back in chicago i heaved a sigh so great my lungs were gonna collapse. but it was really a fulfilling experience. i met interesting people, i was tested physically, determination-ly, socially, weather- and mosquito-ly, academically, etc etc. i couldn't help but feel a little out of sorts and out of place and field (i've never been in the midst of so many anthropologists, zoologists, animal scientists, biologists...., in short, animal pple who threw out random facts about animals over meals) and ;(( in general... thinking of home.. but hey this is what it's supposed to be about. not always pleasant. besides, i got all that i asked for, and...hmm i don't know. i'm glad for all that i learnt nonetheless.

after that it was back to campus.. thankfully junwan and co. arrived the next evening.. and we entertained ourselves for the next few days till school started yesterday.

**
hi em jen and hon! happy new year=) thanks for the msgs. thanks for keeping tuned in. thank you em and jen for the xmas cards=))).
**
happy 21st grace!! hope to see you soon.

happy 21st leeting!!

**
not quite ready to be thrown back here. with school starting... just, not quite ready... for people.
i can't and won't be all that.
**
der einzige ausweg bedeutet sich minder zu kümmern.

und so wie es ist

2006-12-23T02:22:00.000-05:00

ok so the holidays are here. woohoo!!
nah i feel the same as i did last week.
after my last paper on last thurs night i did go out though, not alot of pple were done with their paper at that time...but oh well. just to indulge oneself once in a while. i had a little to drink till i was actually a little oozy at the end. yes the jager is sneaky.

then fri sat...waited for junwan to be done with her final... sat night we went to bar louie and sorta had supper with nic.. it's his last day in champaign. it was on him. awwww. nice dude. oh well. they come and go. people in your life. i saw the myself some time ago in zhenhao... and feel happy that i've grown out of it, but at the same time that it's a pity i've grown out of it.
saturday we had end of sem gathering too... after which nelly dianhua zhenhao and min ah drove off up to chicago first, though their flight's on monday.
saturday felt very long though..mainly coz i didn't sleep much the previous night..and early sat morning we sent josh and fiona off. josh had alot of trouble with his flight...basically he missed it. and had to drive up to o'hare to catch his next flight. so screwed up. so sad.
that's why it felt like a long day, coz so many things happened.

early sunday morning i overslept by like an hour...panicked. chionged to sherman and picked nic up. afte rthat we were kinda late by like an hour and a half, way behind schedule. managed to reach chicago chinatown at 11.30...had lunch with nelly dianhua zhenhao min ah edmond, and eugene and dennis!! plus the 5 of us of course. =)))). shuiwah. then we had to chiong off to o'hare to send nic off. glad everything went smoothly. whew. it would've been disastrous if anythign had gone wrong.
after that we drove through lincoln park. and jon fulfilled my dream of driving down (although i'd have preferred up) lakeshore drive, and up n. mich ave. =) (nyc is my next target of conquest). so we walked along the magnificent mile... had looked forward to this day for the whole week before that. the rest shopped, i was bored harhar. i lined up for garett's popcorn again. then after that we got a table at the cheesecake factory. helmi yeelin and shirlyn joined us for dinner as well, on top of the nellydianhua zhenhao min ah edmond and 4 of us. sweet=)... awwwww. and we said our final goodbyes once again. you will be missed.
when i'm not so occupied hurhurhur.

the past few days have been eventful, still. i attempted my first dish on monday night. we had a cookout at dquek's place. alot of pple came... still so many of us left. it's not that bad. esp when the winter's so mild, instead of bleak and miserable and depressing.
tues night we went to buffalo wild wings. and wed night we ate at ui aik's (he cooked! it was pretty good too!). so there went... a few days. and suddenly i am pressed for time. crap.

last night a whole chunk of pple left.. well, junwan and jon, but felt like a whole chunk. for new york. sniff. and ahem others proceeded to a place where the sun shines brightly. i will miss the driving horribly.
but, in a day's time it's my turn to depart. pui. sian.
trust me, i'm better than i sound. just that something's always weighing on the back of my mind...i wonder.. (it's not rhetorical, i really have no idea.)

My EM Prof.

2006-12-14T12:02:00.000-05:00

is the sweetest guy i've ever met.

he ran out during our finals to zap lecture notes. i found out because he came back and announced during the paper, "anyone else needs lecture notes 23?" (hint hint). awwwwwwwwwww!
did i mention he zaps 40 page lecture notes for every lecture, for everyone in the class (the downside of which is that i no longer have any folder capable of holding his notes. yes i've resorted to a plastic bag). and he made dicussions noncompulsory. and all our exams are open-booksnoteshwhwsolutionswhateverelseyouwannabring-.
i always feel so bad seeing him. on the rare occasions when i do attend lecture/have exams. he just said to me after my paper 20mins ago, have a good break, take care. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
it's just too bad that nothing he says during lecture ever gets through my (thick, perhaps) skull. still, he's a really nice guy. really.

however, he's not so nice for setting qtn 5 with parts abcdefghi. (can you believe it).

the good news is, i'll be getting him for EM II next semester.
the bad news is, i'll be getting him for EM II next semester.

**
a post dedicated to my em prof. harhar.
anyway i'd better grab a little shuteye before my next (and final) paper at 7. i caught the ui aik bug: can't sleep before finals.
i'm amused with the significant reduction in online time by everyone. finals week really = chaomug week. i feel the adrenaline rush man. if that's the right way to put it.

**
step back look up. so pointless. so bleak. so precarious.

2 more weeks and then..

2006-12-01T18:02:00.000-05:00

well florida was nice. too fast though. the pace probably had to do with the fact that our itinerary was packed. came back tired, not just physically.

we were in miami from sat night to tues morning, we visited the seaquarium (which i really enjoyed), coral castle, everglades and miami beach. then tues morning we set off for orlando on a 4h drive, of course zhenhao and min ah's transdock sustained me through the trip. you have no idea how happy i am with it =). we stopped by palm beach and took a few photos.. luckily the sun was out, not like the previous day at miami beach, which was quite a big disappointment. it's been a long time since i've been reminded of how depressing beaches can get.
we continued up and checked into our nice house in orlando. perfect, except for the lack of internet connection, which the dismay of...well, everyone. =). we then took off for arabian nights dinner show. pretty.
wed we were at universal studios, and thurs at disney world. so tired by the end.
and fri morning at 3.30am we all had to start moving and packing for our 7am flight. but luckily we woke up extra early, due to some unforeseen circumstances.

so overall it was pretty nice. could've been more relaxing=P but my holidays are always like that, don't feel very accomplished if not much is done.

back to school, and two weeks left (now only 1) till finals. sian. this week wasn't even heavy and i'm on the verge of unable to tahan already. next week is the week from hell.
just bear with it.

**
i still don't get it... i don't get it i don't get it! hurhur.
at least i learnt one thing so far, to get over things quicker n quicker.
but i don't get myself either.

ganz gleich was passiert, sei's drum.

2006-11-08T02:28:00.000-05:00

well..
the chicago bulls lost. -smacks forehead-. uncalled for.

nice weekend, very sweet and memorable. was surprised in the end. and very, very touched. overwhelmed and think i am not entirely deserving. a little uncomfortable with... i don't know what.
but i will remember All the well wishes, and each presence. and, you know how you receive sth nice from someone you're fond of, and feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

anyway, to further express my gratitude: -groan- -whine- -slap- WHY. ruin my otherwise nice weekend that went MY WAY. pui.

was a little sad. only a few pple from the past remembered. something's not right. too caught up in the present.

so joshua's letter describes it aptly (and sadly). many things change. and i'd better too.
for one, i shall refrain from complaining as much. i promise to try at least. harharhar. (hey you, i can laugh but you can't. pfft.) and two, to get off my bum and stop being a bummer. (this one's not coming along too well). and lastly, i learned not to expect things, esp of pple. all i have to do is bear that in mind.

time to simmer, mellow, keep to myself and resign to my fate. harhar=P
it is safer to be without opinion, jein?

the end/start.

2006-11-03T01:10:00.000-05:00

time to start using my brain and common sense. i hope i have alot of those=S

it's finally getting at me. finally getting on my nerves.
but then again, everything and everyone has been getting on my nerves over the past few days. unusually ruffled, and -cough- b****, i feel. something's just not right.
(ok fine i'm just scared.)

many things i'm being forced to do even though deep inside i'm screaming no with all my might. and slapping with all the violence i can muster. harhar. i guess this is just a little prelude.
there is something that could kick me out of this mode.

going up to chicago after school today for the nba season opener. yay. esp since i'm going up with just joshua and junwan. solace in good company.
i used to be thankful for the weekend. but now i just feel that it's not good enough.
**
i am grateful for all that i have, but once in a while the gratitude slips my mind.

but for now i'll just be here.

MWG weekend

2006-10-26T20:42:00.000-04:00

i barely survived last week. and finally arrived at the long-awaited midwest games weekend. we were in wisconsin, and it was nice. we got lost.. met xu xu.. and of course lihao yuyun sarah junrong gerentt. many many pple. capt's ball was pretty nice this time round, we were more organized in our strategies n games. i enjoyed myself. too bad there wasn't time to go around seeing the other games. wisconsin was very pretty, the scenic route we drove through. envious of their union. then we had a pretty nice dinner with all the singaporeans. then i had alot of trouble deciding whether to stay or not. most of the uiuc pple went back. and i went to the party after that with fiona zhenhao and huiwei (i'm just rambling but do i look like i care) and met some pple. on sunday, we went to eat pi dan zhou in the morning, then went to the free zoo and were greatly amused and impressed by it. then we had uw's very own ice cream that pretty much blew us away. i got home really late though.. though i'd have preferred to come back in the afternoon=(.

it's almost funny that it's harder after every time.
**
i'm very disturbed and distraught.
i'm all alone. and you, i, all, were right. nobody cares.
i feel like i can't take this anymore.

relax. i'm not suicidal. i just need the weekend to be longer this time round. and to have a more settled state of mind.

or maybe it's just that "cold dark state of adulthood" that the physicist was illustrating with a diagram in his presentation yesterday. he was hilarious.

bin enttäuschend. habe gedanken, daß du besser als dieses warst.
**
i'm not a good friend nor person.. in some instances. but i do commit myself to being here if needed. but not more than that. maybe that's why.
**
that hurt. so what, i'll just become another one of you, acting like i will never be perturbed because i have been stripped of feelings (what, the lesser you feel the better you are or sth?). welcome to a new world eh.
**
i feel better already, after the chocolate and the ranting. but this is scary, my most disturbed entry=S. comeon. psycheup.
**
happy birthday eunice! and hongking! and gracie who's bday was yesterday actually

happy people should not be sad

2006-10-14T20:14:00.000-04:00

tues oct 10
finally got my chitchat with dickson! we were at buffalo wings and he even treated me to dinner=) so nice. well, so we talked for quite a bit...quite fun! he had a good time, which is good. seemed to me like ... there's not much opportunity for him to ...well..have a nice chat lar. so i'm glad he had a good time. ok. i got lost on my way to prospect. it wasn't my fault. really.(i sound..pathetic-_-) i missed the exit (i was forced to) and ended up missing more exits and driving for 15mins on interstate trying to get back. i was super stressed because dickson was with me, and he was like, you know where you're going or not, and then i'd say, yes, we're heading west, in the exact opp. direction where we wanna go. pffft. i swear it's his fault, the last time i was talking to him on the phone and i got lost too. i've only gotten lost whenever he has sth to do with the story. -raise eyebrows-.
so paiseh.
wed oct 11
happy birthday shifeng!
fri oct 13
after class went to jarling's for ice cream with nic jon and junwan!
then at night i had my florida meeting. wah so many pple.........i feel like a secretary again, for the trip this time. anyway, many pple = many wants = many options = many...
but i think the freshies will enjoy themselves, the pple going are pretty fun=) and i will enjoy myself coz i will stick to the pple i wanna stick to. yay. everything's good.
one not so good thing was that i had fall break flaunted in my face at least 3 times over the last 24h. -cough cough-.
after the meeting, jon joshua junwan ui aik all popped over, and said, let's go meijiers. i said OK. but didn't know why i was going, but oh well who cares.
sat oct 14
woke up early to bring jinyuan to dmv but we got there 20mins before it was opening so the line was superbly long. doh. so we gave up and he drove around until i almost fell asleep lor.
then i went back to sleep..and woke up ... had a little time before i went for capt's ball training. got a ride from dquek (i'm surprised too, that i'm comfortable enough to ask for a ride from him=) good!). had fun at capt's ball... but very tired... i can't mark the guys. like dom. just too fast and too tall for me.
after that we (joshua junwan fiona and i) went for dinner at siam terrace with the freshies as celebration for zhenhao's 21st bday tmr. cheers, happy birthday zhenhao! now you're all grownup. hurhurhur. (he still got his beer, that joshua ordered for him, taken away though...coz he's technically 21 only in 4 hours time. what the..pui)

it seems that most sentient and sensitive souls just seek to be understood and empathized with.
people feel lonely and sad because they think no one else understands. ;(.
happy people should not be sad. and nice ones don't deserve to be sad.

for you you you and you.

2006-10-08T15:07:00.000-04:00

i am thankful for you folks.
so mushy.
harhar but, i found myself family here. at least, an evil twin to conspire with, and an older-sibling-equivalent to look up to. sweet.

things are starting to pick up, it's been a highly happening month.

we had our food fest on sat sept 16th. alot of work done in preparation. but it was successful. and i was very impressed with bernard helmi and yeelin of course. gosh. i wouldn't even have known where to begin if i were put in their positions. bravo. we made profits (not as much as we'd like though..). the food was good. esp the chicken rice. after that we went for our usual sat midnight show=) relive the good old days in spring=). oh yeah. we watched crank. gosh. traumatized. but the guys all loved it. but i did appreciate the humor. junwan was absolutely traumatized.
tennised with the usual bunch on sunday morning. actually the first time i've been to sunday morning tennis. =)
tues sept 19
@$#@#^!@$!#^!@#$. guess who came back to town. "transiting in champaign" (who the hell transits champaign). @#!%!^#$!$^#@$@!. sq. it was good to see him before he left for nottingham though. i think he was glad to be back on campus too. =)
fri sept 22
had lunch with kaoru (whos' back in town too!) and sq at murphy's (yummy burger!! never discovered the place earlier ;( ) . spent most of the afternoon driving sq around... so caught up with him=). he's gonna leave tmr so this'll be "the last" i'll see of him for a while.
and in the afternoon, i left with xinning and 5 other girls for west virginia for white water rafting. i felt a little reluctant hence obscuring any potential fervor i had for whitewater rafting. i'll be missing out on the weekend!! it was dom's bday and obviously they're gonna celebrate it this weekend. and ui aik's 21st on sunday!!!! =(((( missed it. PLUS. junwan's aptment was gonna have housewarming on sat night. damndamn.
so we drove for about 10 hrs...got to the campsite at like 2am.
sat sept 23rd
we went hiking..saw the big nice bridge...quite nice lar. less mountainous than i expected, that was a little disappointing=P the most memorable was still the tennessee/n. carolina stretch we drove through during springbreak. very nice. my mind lingers on it=)
the hiking was ... ee..a muddy affair.=SSS
sun sept 24th.
rafting!! on the upper gauley river. i recommend it to anyone. because it was 1. quite long so quite worth it 2. the biggest freaking rapids on earth. it's the 2nd most rafted river in the US. the highest class was V+ omg-_-. did i mention i fell out 5 times? . -_-. i didn't enjoy it as much as my springbreak tennessee one actually..for various reasons. including falling out 5 times harharhar. well, at least now pple ask me, have you ever fallen out before? i can finally say, yes -_-.
then after another 9hr drive, we reached home at 1am. and i was actually cajoled into going over to junwan's aptment TO DO WORK. well i did have a piece of hw due at 10am.... joshua fed me a....caffeine pill. and i was full of energy-_-
fri sept29th
DENNIS CAME BACK AHHHHHHHHH. i knew he was back in chicago. had wanted to give him a call... but he beat me to it!. and guess what, he said, i'm actually outside your house now. wahahahahaha.
went for the season opening ice hockey game as advertised by nic. it was good! didn't like the choruses of "YOU SUCK!" though...but i guess they're so numb to it already -_-.
it's manling, aldrich's bday! as usual they were trying to get ui aik drunk at joe's (it has become a common affair, either strip him or make him drunk -_- the seniors ar..). and it was mark wilfred's bday on sunday. i didnt drive this time, and i actually had fun!! for the first time. i drank lar minimally laaaaar. harhar. but enough to feel happy. so dennis josh mark junwan and i ahem, half stumbled/raced one anohter back to the aptment for chowmein party harharhar. it was so nice to have dennis back! i didn't get to talk to him alot though, just when we were going to joe's. coz it has been such a hectic fri for me, as usual.
so yeah, i was a bit more nonsensical and ridiculous than normal. harhar saw ooi online when i got back and purposely wanted to freak him out by typing funny things. but he was asleep. too bad man, you missed out;)
i like this photo because it has (some of) my favourite pple inside.

sat sept 30
got woken up by zhenhao and weihong. who were complaining to me about dmv. harhar. then went for lunch with zhenhao and dennis and co. at manwok... byebye dennis=( back to chicago you go.
after that there was the freshies' maf rehearsal... i sat there and did my work lor. then went to walmart. freshies gonna have party tonight coz they missed out last night at joe's. raise eyebrows. but i had to rush off for kejia's bday dinner (her bday tmr=)...and then rush back for florida meeting...yay mostly settled...
anyway. shocked. disgusted. pui.
wed oct 4th.
argh. many issues on hand. i appreciate the effort the seniors put in, it was honestly very surprising and touching... but it just makes things more difficult. and all i wanted was an honest opinion also lar... not some up to you. crap i sound like sq two sems ago. but that's coz i ... value your opinion lar. good that you did tell me in the end! yay=).
thurs oct 5th
val's bday! called her at night after having much difficulty getting through to her. finally. so i talked to her for a while. sad=( realise missed her.
fri oct 6th
stayed up the whole night to do work!! my god. we are all crazy. then at 8 in the morning i gave jinyuan a ride to dmv. it was nice to drive through the champaign neighborhood at this time...with the big trees and their golden leaves=) plus it's been pretty long since i've talked to jinyuan! yay.
i went for tennis with nic and yongji after school was out. really enjoyed it this time. (i really like nic!! he's such a fun+funny+unique person. cool man. this kinda pple give me hope abt the world. -thumbs up-.) though i was pretty off for the first hour + -_- then went to walmart with nic tracy n kejia... harhar usual rounds lar. yay.
sat oct 7th
maf. oh man. ok lar i thought it was quite jialat, but i'm not surprised by myself. this was how it was gonna turn out harhar... i knew it before it started. but all was well=) and the redeeming factor was the lantern walk in the jap garden=)! yay!! that was fun man.
sun oct 8th
called xu xu just now. she's going for mwg!!!=))))
ok more next time (in a month's time prob=P)

fall.

2006-09-13T20:26:00.000-04:00

is a sad season. within 12 hours, two sniffly friends.
i'm here. though admittedly i can't do much to solve your problem or even better, dispel it.
so jen flew off this morning (her night). so exciting.=).

well life is like that lor. .doing homework and online all the time ("what else can i be doing other than be on msn if i'm not at class/sleeping/socializing"), nothing about that is new. doing everything last minute but astoundingly calm about it (yes i unnervingly amaze myself). kind pushing my limits a little though.. in terms of participation as well as ... harhar homework.

feels like i've already been here for at least a month, but no, it's only been 23 days.
so between then and now, we've had a few events in the ssa: walmart trip (did i already mention that? don't recall).. quad day....chicago trip over labor day (was a good experience for me)....grape+apple plucking at curtis orchard/paintball, and lots of dinners at manwok of course.
the freshmen are...interesting. big bunch. fascinating dynamics. already unbelievably bonded... interesting. (and lots of bonding...in a different sense too;) oolala. so much gossip -rubs palms-
i think the ssa's doing well in this new sem, more organized, and members are very on about turning up for events. i'm personally very happy with myself for iniating a few things. eh. maybe one. it helps the club bond, that's what i had envisioned, involving members in the little activities, letting them interact with one another more frequently instead of only during "official events", and that, ladies and gentlemen, has always been ... my plan to take over the world! mwahahaha. ok. at least to make the ssa internally cohesive.

but of course also coz of all these powerhouse figures organizing stuff (bernard never ceases to amaze. did i also mention he got me an income?). i think we're doing great. =)
i'll talk more about the events. when i feel like it. =P. there are plenty of upcoming ones too. like food fest on saturday and maf and whitewater rafting;).

but i'm in the mood i was in last sem. which = bad. which = slack. and lessons are painful despite a wonderful schedule.
the nice things about coming back though, are driving everywhere, therapeutic walmart trips, (and now, tada! sam's club trips! but not as fun coz not 24/7=P ie cannot go at 1ams), dessert@midnight with fav pple/friends/gossipers=), movies...etc. and of course being in my own aptment, own bedroom, nice new comforter, 5 mins away from loomis, 30s away from my car... popping over to wonderful neighbors' place to do some disturbing every now and then. -glee-.

hmm, some things are a little different this semester though (the feeling of being online esp). feel a little more numb, a little more impatient/patient (depends on the mood), and a little less hope. feels like a different stage... but yet so staid. need a breath of fresh air. and i don't want it to be different.=(

enough.

2006-08-19T08:08:00.000-04:00

i've travelled enough to last me for the next few months. pfffffft.

so i left yesterday morning at 8.. flew for 3.5h to arrive in hk.
hkia is a mess. i took two trains and believe i ended up at the same place.
security was obviously heightened, as i discovered as i neared the gates with flights to ny/la/vancouver/the likes. i got patted down..and every pocket and item of my bag checked. seems meticulous but one could easily conceive of places to hide...stuff, if one intended to. i think dogs are more effective.
but i liked the attitude of the err..check-ers. they're so polite and don't make you feel like a criminal. not like immigration officers of certain countries, who have that stern you'd-better-pray-all-your-papers-are-in-order, accusative look, which i shall call the "universal immigration officers' look". pft.
though hkia is a mess, it's still very pretty! the last time i was transiting i didn't notice that it was surrounded by mountains, each higher than the previous.
flight was delayed here.. but no worries. all subsequent flights were delayed.

the 13.5h flight to la was, as all longhaul economy class flights go, miserable. the guy to the right of me had big arms and legs that invaded my seat space by about 1/5 (the seat is very small already... 1/5 is rather signifcant) such that i kept to my 4/5 of the seat the entire way. the girl in front of me was lucky, she had a seat that reclined a bit more than the normal seat (i compared it to the seats next to her), such that my knees were pressed against the back of her seat for most of the way. so claustrophobic. and the flight is always divided into pre-fed, being fed and post-fed periods.

security check for la-chicago wasn't Too bad. but if not for the 50 min delay for that flight i wouldn't have made it on time.
and maybe dogs aren't That effective. i saw it yawning away as his officer brought him down the line. what if he's had too much to eat and isn't interested in smells anymore, for that day. oh well.

so after another 3.5h i arrived in a dark drizzly gloomy chicago (what'snew) , dragged my luggage to the bus station... and waited for my midnight bus. i managed to subscribe to hilton's (which is opp) one hour wireless, beautifully timed such that the bus arrived 1 min after i got cut off. hehe. -_-
meanwhile, i met rajiv! harhar. who just got back from ny. it's good to see a (somewhat) familiar face at least.

so after another 3h bus ride ...
i finally arrived at grace's place at 4am and it's now 7am and i couldn't sleep and i'm starved. yay. i want bakwa. damn. i didn't finish the bag at home before i left.
very : (( now.

it seems alot harder to leave this time, as compared to last year. i think coz there's so much s*** waiting to be done. and Everyone's still back home. =(. i miss you all already.
the first few days are never nice.
and now i have to take care of my own dining. groan. (paiseh to complain but not even the thought of manwok or coldstone can cure this..)

packing time.

2006-08-16T13:40:00.000-04:00

this is gonna be the format of my entries from now on, i reckon.

fri - aug 4
met up with the bday girls, jennie and kailyn, and the nonbday girls, hon and ili too. we got jennie make up..harhar bet it was somewhat of a surprise. and kailyn liked this bag (yay, we were thinking very hard of what to give her, but she solved the problem)... so tada.
finally watched pirates with jen. loooooong. got a bit draggy in between. but the sets were amazing. and the fighting was comic and rather skilful.

sat - aug 5
our first Real dive off pulau hantu. enjoyed the boat rides... like i always do. enjoyed the sun too. but i'm solar unpowered. the more sun i get, the less energy i seem to have. the visibility was Good, by hantu standards. 1m. you could see your hand when you stretched it out. clapclap.
had alot of problems equalising on the very first dive. i was one of the first to go down...and soon enough pple started clambering all over me, kicking me with their fins etc (all trying to hold on to the line because of the poor visibility and strong current. if you lose your grip..byebye...). after a really long period...i got clambered all over again. coz everyoen came up. while i was still struggling to equalise and get down.
but 2nd dive was alot better. and bu zhi bu jue de, we were down there for 50+ mins. felt at most like half an hour.
after that got home grabbed a shower and met junwan for dinner before going for absolute 06. it was alright, met alot of pple in the end. but two of us had to leave early. oh yes most notably i found out fabian is going to uchicago.

sun - aug 6
went to sixuan's house with my mom. they invited us over for lunch. how sweet=).
since we were gonna have our 412 dinner later in the evening and sixuan had nothing in between, i asked her along to the uiuc bbq at bernard's place. i'm really glad it turned out well. coz she's quite sociable when she's in a sociable mood=P but i guess shenting and junwan helped alot with her level of ease. i was too preoccupied with playing tennis with the freshies.
then near 6 the freshies started setting up a fire..and i had to leave liao..it was almost 7...and i promised to be with 412 at 7. hai it was difficult to tear myself away coz the fun was just starting and more imptly the food was jsut being served. dickson had arrived 10 mins before i was gonna leave, and he said, orh, the next time we'll see you is prob in champaign liao. that kinda struck me. so scary=S
so then two of us cabbed to far east and joined the 412 girls for dinner at the turkish place. we moved on to nydc for dessert after that=). met many pple. em kai ili SERENE AD (budd) sixuan jen hon val yunlei and jiamin. harhar he is adopted into 412. had a great time chatting with them...but was very : ( after that. i believe i've mentioned it before; it's at times like these that make me miss friends alot. refer to hon and em's entries about that. they verbalized our sentiments well.
oh yeah i got sacrificed. next class gathering will be after i leave. boohoo.

mon - aug 7
went to tennis at justin's again. think it's the last time before i leave...

tues - aug 8
wah slacked at home..slept through most of the day. harhar. much to jennie's irritation, i can tell.
then went for theory lesson lor. wah 3h lesson. grrr. unbearable. but excited about this weekend's trip. glee.

wed - aug 9
went out with parents and their friend and their kid...who (ok more like the parents) wanted to ask about applying overseas. sian. but of course i put on a =) and helpful front.

thurs - aug 10
very hectic day. met dpoon (who's back! and was very sweet!! coz he got us goodies=) sq and joshua for lunch at food republic...then met sixuan for fortune telling. -_-. pui. then followed her to nus...where i sought asylum...but in the end went to biopolis to play pingpong! mwahahaha. fun.=( won't get to play much there. then left for orchard for 3f dinner! yay.
good to see everyone. but realise i'm getting bad at catching up with friends in big groups...like junwan. was driven back by baorong! =).
but heard some traumatic stuff=(. made me =(((((.

fri - aug 11
went to harbor front and had dim sum lunch with yaowei (who's leaving on monday, with sis to uiuc), yunlei jiamin ngiam junrong and joshua. =). then after that hung around with yaowei and junrong and ngiam at spinelli...before i had to chiogn back and pack my bag for the dayang trip. we're supposed to meet at the dive center at 6.30-_- it was already 4-_-.
so i chionged back chionged packing and chionged to the dive center. we took a very chiong bus ride for 3 hours to mersing..then took a 4h boat ride to dayang. my god. no wonder pple get sea sick. i wasn't feeling fantastic myself. but luckily it was at night and just slept through it. but the window on the boat was open and for a while salty water kept splashing in my face. -shudders-.

sat - aug 12
we woke up a little late..8...for b'fast and briefing. then we did our first dive. pretty pretty=)))). many colorful fish. like underwater world.
then we came back and had lunch.
then we dived.
then we had goreng pisang for afternoon tea.
then we dived.
then we dived again without dinner ;( (night dive! was brilliant. if only i could see better. missed out on alot. but it was uncannily serene...and i liked that lar)
then we came back and had a bbq dinner. i personally had 2 servings.
i think i gained weight.

and i etched the scene and the feel of the beach and the jetty and the blue green waters in my mind liao. just close your eyes and breathe when you're distraught/pissed/depressed. just think of this!

but...there was one thing that i didn't really understand.. there was one person whom, everytime i looked at him, i felt this overwhelming, helpless and inexplicable sadness.
very weird..

but by this day i was rather relaxed already. all the things that had preoccupied my thoughts the previous day were slowly drifting away. this is what i needed, even though it's the last weekend before i leave..
du musst eine bessere person für dich selbst werden.

i figured that it's quite necessary for me to do sth getaway-ish once in a while. otherwise i'd really suffocate.

sun - aug 13
we did two more dives. i finally get to do a back roll entry. =) that made my day.
and then it was homeward bound. a 4h boat ride (we suntanned a Bit. ah, nothingness but the water and the sky. the boat rides back to the jetty after each dive was one of the things i enjoyed the most! dangle your feet overboard) and a 3h @!#%!$%!#$#! bus ride. (oh yeah we had ramly on the way back.) REALLY didn't feel too good after that.
the pple in our course were really interesting too. sometimes it's really a matter of luck... we made friends with all of them.. and i really like our instructors. so anyone who wants to dive, go to www.orpheusdive.com. (and pray you get Mei Ling) =) harhar help them promote. since they were so friendly and not impersonal. we had so much fun laughing away with zhiguo siqi meiling and jennie on sat night talking about our (lousy) buoyancy and night dive.
felt really sad and drained after getting back to sg. always feel like that coming back.
oh yeah. i missed ktv on sat. =(. but this was worth it.

mon - aug 14
lunched with eunice at taka. got to spend some time with her=)... then followd her to nus... and met hon and mag and sauyee at yih. "sunny ar". harhar. then went up to i2r and met junrong and tracy, who returned me $$ for ipoh. had to chopchop go off after that to...
meet ERIC!! at jurong pt for dinner. we spent pretty long chatting. it's so fun and lighthearted. =). hai. good to see some things are still the same. harhar he's still as -whiny- when it comes to talking about ns, and still wearing baggy clothes, and still wols wols de.
"me: eric is ___________?? hon: ***!!!" harharhar.

tues - aug 15
packed packed..ok threw things around and tried to find other things (i used to be neat...i vaguely recall. or was that just a myth). gave up. and went to play badminton at clementi with junrong ooi and joshualim. that was fun...challenging. (aching again..) but my presence was demanded back home for dinner=( (i dragged as long as i could). my farewells have begun, and this was with ooi and joshualim (who's flying earlier than me! thurs night!)
so i got back to ntu and quickly ran all the way to the staff club and ate... dad's friend was here... then chitchat a bit lar. pretend to be a good girl. harhar. keeping up appearances it's called.

wed - aug 16
even more hectic day. went to nus early to get sth... and then went back to imre to get sth. met yunlei there and kinda said goodbye.. then went to i2r and said byebye to junrong and fcs... awww. ;(.
rushed to science and met grace. said goodbye too... was then handed over to hon, em and baorong, the med pple. yunlei and jiamin joined us for lunch too. but ooi was too busy. pui. met zhenchang and yeeonn in the science canteen... And ningqi and ronnie... and joanne christelle xiaohui donald wenkien. walao. i.e. alot of pple.
then headed to PS and met lalit (!!) zhixiu dennis dquek helmi yeelin and sq. yay. =). hmmm. interesting topics we always have...ranging from politics to harharharhar. cough cough. certain prominent, controversial figures in uiuc. entertaining.
then met sixuan and jen at jurong east for dinner. mag ng dropped by too! but mag lee couldn't.

thurs - aug 17
is packing and stay home day. no buts.

everything's gonna be alright.

2006-07-31T10:42:00.000-04:00

wah very long time haven't blogged. though i think once/month is fine=P

june 27
met up with junwan and fiona for dinner. nice. girls' night out. fiona showed us her venice photos, and her nice hair of course;) then had dessert with junwan. and our usual precious time to talk=). yumyum.
june 28
meet the juniors. so i met all my new juniors who're going to uiuc. yay. heheh. psst i like the girl she seems very sweet.
so anyway. it was good to see all my batch pple too. and some seniors. harhar one of them was really cute, i heard about his gf so i asked show me your gf, then he said, come come, with a proud little grin. i thought that was really cute.
after that i met up with christelle, who is finally back, after a month in japan. she shared with me her photos and stories=). and we had a nice leisurely evening chitchatting, ending with sitting by the river outside the esplanade. =).
june 29
met up with shyhchang lihao and shouyi at bugis for dinner. nice catching up=) too bad the rest couldn't make it. namely zhihao and junrong. next time round then. when ooi is back as well. we went to a nice turkish restaurant and had dessert after that. =) i like my holiday.
june 30
yunlei and co. had lunch at crystal jade at holland v, while i waited for the 3f pple to arrive. well, just bena andy (who's leaving for US the next day. so soon). shulin (who's leaving mid july as well.) and weili. we had sushi, and it was just quite nice to catch up=).
then met up with sq and helmi for dinner at PS. harhar it's always a strategic planning for SSA session. interesting. i was quite sad...wanted to watch the germany v argentina match out with them=((.. but quite late...guess not. anyway, speaking of that match, 4:2 on penalty. yay deutschland gewinnt! thanks to klose.
july 2
met junwan and tracy at jurong pt. went to get present for fiona's bday which is july 5.. another girls' day out. we shopped around for a while... then sat down and had fries and milkshake. wah. fatt.
july 3
surprisingly ooi came to work. i mean he landed on sat night. =S
after work i headed to fish and co. and we celebrated fiona's bday! quite alot of pple came=) some of the seniors too. yay. then we played a prank on her. she almost had to end up washing dishes for fish and co coz of inability to pay for the whole meal. harharharhar. she was sufficiently traumatized i believe. aiyoh fiona, should have more faith in us mah.
then after that we went lanning.-_- my first time. kinda coerced into it. but quite fun leh. fiona controlled where to run, and i controlled the shooting. junwan was chionging everywhere while fiona crawled everytime she saw a corner coming up. damn funny. and everyone else chionged past us crawling, calling us hum. harharhar. too bad.
july 4
junwan and kokhao came to arts for lunch, to exchange some stuff. so they had lunch with all the imre n i2r pple. not too bad=)
on a side note, HARHAR. lousy ooi. oh and junrong started work too.
went to zhihao's house in the evening for tennis again. there's this new girl from justin's lab, susie. sarah couldn't make it in the last min coz she was running for the bus and sprained her ankle=S after tennis i stayed for "dinner" and talked to zhihao and justin for quite long. one of the few occasions we can catch up for so long i guess. nice. happy there are more nice pple around!
july 6
met up with yeeonn zhenchang, and hannah! we had dinner at raffles city and choc fondue after that. harhar zhenchang is so nonsense lar, as usual. he's so frank. well at least that makes me feel like we've been friends for very long (have we?). yeeonn was so pooped he was having trouble staying awake. happy for them that they're gonna start medschool soon. yay. =). after that i came back with hannah, and visited her room in hall11. then she came over to my place=).
july 7
dinnered with ooi junrong joshua and gerentt after work at ghimmoh. harhar soooo ridiculous. we ended up playing "soccer". very amused. life is good. correction, slack life is good. will kinda miss work, coz of all the funny characters.=)
july 8
went to val's after lunch at holland v. yunlei jiamin and kai came too. it's so different now. last time we used to take 190 to orchard and at most treat ourselves to mudpie at nydc. and stinge on things. and complain about labs and change for pe in class. but now...kai came to pick us up from the station...suddenly it seems like we all grew up. i stayed for dinner at val's place, and had a nice chat with her as she drove me back to the station afterwards. =)... at least, though we wouldn't get in touch that often, when we meet up again there's no -it's been so long it's so awkward-, we just pick up where we left off=).
july 9
went to my dad's friend's place. entertained his kids. stayed till evening. i've known his kids since they were 2 months and 5... and now they're 13 and 17. wow.
july 10
went for my first diving theory lesson. siiiiaaaaan. and was alone=(. nvm next lesson i'll see jenniequah.
july 11
met up with emily and amos at nus for lunch!=)) harhar i gave her the big hershey's kiss.
went to town with joshua junrong and ooi after work, met up with shouyi, and shyhchang and lihao at orchard. there, all of us (except zhihao. again:/).
july 12
yay had lunch with eunice=)). hai. my favouritest exchange student. will miss her next semester. want to roadtrip to some state park with her some more=((((. she's one of the few rare girls who seems like an older sister to me. and i really need that in uiuc. i bet after goign back for fall, i'll understand how junwan felt after coming back for spring. =(.
july 14
the ipho pple came for the tour. i was leading one group around. guess who were the leaders of the south korean and israeli groups i was leading. ocs and fionalim! cool.
oh yeah, dickson's last day. harhar but it's alright, i'll prob see him so much in champaign i'll be sick of him=PPP harhar jk. at least One nice person is coming to uiuc=PPP
met helmi at city hall for our SSA meeting. ran into so many pple though. kinda strange, the unusually high density of uiuc singaporeans in that area. we ran into: mark wilfred mark kay vincent and dennis with his 2 friends (that he told me about before).
so, we had our meeting. everything set. then we popped in on the surprise bday dinner for vincent. there were many other pple too. rachel had arrived by then, and jinyuan. it's been really long since i've met him! and dennis of course. and the other joshua (senior). very sweet.
july 15
went for ktv with the usual bunch. harhar nice. but at 2 had to leave for the ssa alliance thing, which was just opp jurong east actually. met selene there=). and many others. helmi was there too of course. and shouyi. and chim!!
july 17
shhhhhhhhhhhh. don't tell anyone. we played table tennis after lunch. till relaly late. but i got kicked by ooi. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. die. grr.
we missed the imre bus... and ridiculously ended up getting out of nus at 7. funny lar.
july 18
yay met up with jennie and we went to outram for our first pool session. ok lar. quite boring. but it felt weird to be instructed to Breathe with your head in the water. interesting feeling harhar. then jennie came back with me to stay, since she has to work the next day and my place is so much nearer. we got back close to 12, but my parents were very nice, cooked for us and all, and there was even dessert=) then just lazed around..but we both felt very pooped.
july 19
went for lunch with the aga advisor, and 3 other serc girls. um. Interesting......
went for 2nd theory lesson with jennie after work.
july 20
2nd pool session. we're all geared up, just waiting for hantu! glad i'm goign with her lar.
oh yeah we had lunch at mac's today. it was the first time i saw fcs join us for lunch. yay.
taking the imre bus to clementi there was a major major jam. then ooi joshua and i each came up with an explanation for why there was a jam. omg. -_-. kartik on the other hand, opted for a philosophical approach. OMG. harharhar.
after i got home from the pool session, got a weird weird call. dpoon.2! he was roadtripping, somewhere on the autobahn. (actually) looking forward to seeing him after he comes back in august. it'll be interesting next semester, living next to the 4 of them. have a feeling i'll have the time of my life. assuming i'm not overwhelmed by 1. courses 2. ssa stuff.
july 21
rjc talk in the afternoon. very very traumatized. but alot of pple came to support. in the end there were more uiuc pple than there were rj students.
i didn't bother going to work in the morning coz i had to complete my presentation. besides, there wasn't anyone in. all the oldies were participating in the ceremony. aries' batch was helping out, bilin was awarded, and ooi joshua and junrong were all gonna usher.
after i was done with the rjc talk i went to lavender with joshua (who was kind to drive us=)) junwan and ui aik (yay he's in town!!) to get tickets to ipoh. meanwhile i found out that ooi and co. were severely cheated of their feelings: they were asked to go at 11, when the ceremony starts at 3pm. ha-ha. sorry, evil. harhar.
after that we all met yeelin and mark at city hall for our meeting. last min to settle stuff for tmr's briefing.
and then i had a nice funny evening.
july 22
big day! uiuc predeparture briefing day. everythign went smoothly. i liked the video=). food was good. juniors were clumping. many seniors came!
met up with alot of 3f pple in the afternoon at holland v. coz bena is flying this evening. so many! yingheng baoluo qianli wangning telle xiaohui bao shifeng hon. and of course bena. we were at haagen dazs for really long. catching up. i think it's the last 3f meeting before i fly off again...i foresee..
july 23
e2k6. wah so many pple. almost everyone i could think of was there. almost. had lunch with fiona=) she showed me nice fried rice at far east. very leisurely. hung out with some of the ucla and stanford pple before the fair started. liked to disturb the ucla pple and steal their .. what's his name.. the bear thing. harhar. bruins! and kope chocolate from them also. alot of pple came to the uiuc booth to enquire, rather surprisingly. i couldn't answer any qtns... all psych bio engine ee business... oops. felt quite useless.
july 24
psst. table tennis again. harhar. then joshua and i went over to i2r and lounged around with junrong. i really shouldn't be divulging this, gives us such a bad image.=S
after work i went to justin's place for tennis. sarah zhihao and someone else from justin's lab was there. his mom was really nice, saved me some dinner. and he had a poodle. he didn't know he had one either, till he came back.
july 25
um. we went to the library after lunch. -innocent whistle-.
july 26
um. we did an exchange program. in i2r again. a challenge of our vocabulary. -another innocent whistle-.
went to town after that, for mark's bday (july 29th) dinner. kokhao junwan fiona eunice joshua all came=). yay. dpoon and ui aik both called too, thought that was very thoughtful of them.
july 27
ran into sixuan at jurong east station! so chatted with her for a while. hmmmmm. hai. problems problems.
had lunch at science, where i ran into grace tan=). and ooi joined us a bit later too. not bad, gei wo mian zi harhar. and we went to the coop after that, where i got pepperidge farm cookies (i know ui aik likes them!) and ferreros to give to him.
did my clearance today. sth on tmr. none of my supervisors were around.
went home grabbed a shower and came out with my stuff again. i'm so excited. tonight i'm going to ipoh with tracy and nicholas to visit ui aik! ahhh!! =)))).
july 28
we reached at about 5.20am.. and ui aik came around to pick us up. his driving is. fast. harharhar. we had dim sum for bfast, then went back to his house (which is gorgeous=). hey what more can i say, we all got beds) for a nap, and then went to a temple-in-a-cave and fed tortoises. "that's about all that ipoh has". then we went for lunch (pple there like to drink herbal tea...) and to a shopping complex. we watched lady in the water. ui aik's "tall good looking kickboxer friend" joined us. then dinner, ipoh hor fun=))). getting fat. nicholas helped with ui aik's cs hw after that..and i didn't wanna stay at home, so two of us drove out. i like bickering with drivers and disorientating them. he insisted he wasn't lost while i insisted he was. harhar. so we chatted a bit before heading back.
july 29
we took the bus to KL, had lunch at secret recipe and gorged on the dessert. then we went to KLCC...oogled at expensive stuff. and then visited the KL tower. quite nice a view=) the introduction was funny: you'll not only fall in love with KL but also the person you're with, so make sure you bring the right person. harhar, i'll keep that in mind. then went shopping near our hotel... got all that i wanted/needed.. had frog porridge for dinner... and we headed back to the hotel to gear up for an evening of clubbing.
zouk didn't let us in, coz half (kinda) of us were under 21. so we went to another one, which was quite pleasant! the decor was really nice, the floor wasn't so packed though... but there wasn't much for ui aik and me to do... so he dragged me around the block about twice and then we had supper. went back in to meet tracy and nicholas. and that was about it.
july 30
we got up late.. and then just went for lunch at some steak place. then rushed around to get stuff before getting onto the bus back to sg.
well i'm really glad i went for this trip. the main thing is that i got to know ui aik better. and in him i see alot of the things i see in my other friends: to be so generous to your friends, and to make the effort to really care about them too. and share their problems and tell them the truth even when it's ugly and try to think of solutions that might just work because pang guan zhe qing. i'm still learning, but i've plenty of good e.g.s to learn from=).
aug 1
woke up really early and went to nus to meet dickson and jingshan to buy books. i enjoyed picking on dickson's driving mwahahaha. i Had to sit in his car, otherwise i won't have a chance to pick on him before he picks on me for the rest of the year in champaign. but he's fine, (a little slow), but very very safe. good. and of course i wouldn't miss the chance of bickering with another driver;)
well i got all my books after we visited clementi bookstore. then met junrong fcs and ooi for lunch at arts. coz we were gonna go play table tennis again hehehehe. but we found out that the mphs were all occupied because it was matric day. sad. so we came up with a ridiculous plan, and ended up in imcb, with joshuatan shifeng lihao and zhihao joining us as well.=))). turned out great=)

well i've less than 3 more weeks to go before i depart again. hmmmm. ambivalent of course. it's been fun.

**
july 29th.
happy birthday jennie quah!!
paiseh i wasn't around. but lots and lots of love. you've worked hard for what you've gotten, and you deserve it. i'm really happy for you. see you soon;)
harhar. one more thing. you're the closest thing i have to a sibling. (including the arguments and wanting things our own way. i am very amused)

aug 1.
happy birthday kai!!
hope you had a good year, and hope you have a happier upcoming year=) this is kinda mushy and a clumsy way of expressing what i feel, i hope you get what i mean: you'll always be in my heart.

**
sigh.
here i am, very confused again. i'm so occupied and i can't help it.
it's ok, a few more months' time.
**
despite all, i still feel the same. (what a stubborn and incorrigible kid) i wonder though. perhaps in this matter i should be fully like uiaik: imagine the worst possible scenario.
**
i think it's really hard to make good friends once you get past the sec 3/4/j1/j2 years. well, i guess after you're 19 or 20 it's hard to make friends. because:
1. you already have old friends whom you wanna spend all your time with
2. you don't show your self so easily; you're not as trusting/gullible, and well there's just no need to.
3. you have too wide a social circle, too many a choice to choose who you wanna develop further friendships with.
**
smart pple take away much more from life than not so smart ones. so the key is to be more absorbent. -raise eyebrow-.
**
had a pretty good month. suddenly a whole year has passed, i realise, while i was talking to some juniors. it's time for the new uiuc pple to depart for school. all the excitement all over again. i'm glad i'm a returning student, i never liked new things. i always like stability and routine.
i look forward to housewarming, chicago over labor day, mwg!! etc etc etc etc. ;) i look forward to a new way of life. and i miss my car;(

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

2006-06-26T14:00:00.000-04:00

sat
went to sentosa. turned out there were 6 of us. but i had fun. laid on the beach for 10 mins...before the guys came back with a volleyball. that was fun, except i was aching all over from it for the next two days. then a little soccer too! harhar. had fun playing sports lar.
oh, and very pampered, again, coz helmi drove heheheheheh.
then the boys decided that they wanted to lan. so we went to dhoby gaut and lanned for an hour, (not me of course). then after that helmi drove us to the uiaas bbq. foooooood. yum. satay. yuum. that's about it. met like 6 years' worth of uiuc ssa presidents harhar. i had to ask for a timeline coz i was very confused. hmmmmmm. well the seniors had fun coz they got to meet their seniors! but i ate lar. what else can i do. harhar. helmi sent me back=((((. so paiseh. so far away.
sun
huh what did i do on sunday. oh yeah. i went for the national harmoc competition to support grace. i met teck tee and kitling (if i remembered his name right=P... ) and hannah came later too. harhar.
a glimpse and taste of love.
not only between the objects of my observation, that is. it's so...awwwwwwww of course. i've semi-prepared my speech for my friend's wedding liao. harhar. but also how truly happy i felt for her and how proud i am of her. and how i feel pretty certain that she'll always accept me and think well of me.
lots of love.
then grabbed a bite with teck tee before he had to rush back home for booking in. harhar. well at least they're gonna disrupt next week. slackers=P so talked to him a bit. harhar. just feel like pampering my juniors.
mon
"work". yunlei and gerentt arrived today. and the predeparture pple are back. what a...noisy day. yunlei and gerentt drove, so we picked up the i2r pple and headed for biopolis. there we met zhihao sarah vick rina. harhar. big party. nice. after that we squeezed into gerentt's car and when we arrived back at imre, suddenly decided to head fo rdessert at science canteen, like they did last time. harhar. sheeeesh.
after work i met up with zhihao at buona vista, oops made him and jonathan and winston wait=SS damn. it was um, a minor oversight (breathe and count to 10 now). so i followed zhihao back to his home, where we met justin and sarah, and we played tennis till 9ish. yay. fun. next mon's booked already.

still confused.
not good when there are many pple around.

expectations

2006-06-23T13:16:00.000-04:00

last last wed
ahhhhhhhhhh. !$#!%!#$!@#%!@#$. goal in the 91st min by oliver neuville. ahhhhhhh.
last last thurs
sixuan and her mom came over to pick up missy. who almost couldn't remember them-_-. and by now my mom's her new -favouritest person- =PP.
talked to telle on the phone. she was so excited. it's great to remember some things dont' change.
last last friday
left a little early from work (sian. what else can i say) and went to town with sq to meet ui aik and junwan. then helmi and dquek joined us.. and we had dinner...and more food...and dessert. and once again i found myself in the midst of interesting Guy Talk. saw...the guy's perspective. traumatising=S
ui aik was leaving for his holiday tmr, and he was really tired and quiet. hmm. so in the end helmi drove the 5 of us (by that time junwan had left) to cheese prata outside nus, and gossiped somemore. harhar. who said guys didn't like to gossip. but it was..interesting insights and anecdotes. then helmi sent me back while dquek navigated for him. =SSS feel bad for living so far away in the middle of nowhere.
last sat
met helmi and this lady from contact at bugis..had lunch chatted a while. she was quite nice=).
then met up with the rest at dhoby gaut..mark kay dquek kokhao sq... eunice!! after a long long time. harhar. then junwan and joshua arrived. and the guys went lan-ing. -clap.- they tried to get us to play too but nah...i really wasn't in such a mood. so the 3 of us girls went opp to a cafe and settled down for some coffee and dessert. and a nice chat of course.
then after that i left with eunice.
tuesday
well joshua has arrived. that helped things alittle harhar. and stayed till noon to wish Someone a happy birthday. (yes, happy 21st birthday) missed out on lunch with joshua ngiam ros and yaowei at biopolis/holland v. Instead! i went to arts with sq, and we met eunice and sharon, her little sis! who is very cute harhar. so lunch was very nice! and long...=S. can tell eunice is very close to her sister...who is still rather young though. spotted many rj folks, including junwan's friend. met qixiang and liangjie too.
then went to biopolis for the tea session with lim swee say. many pple around, few from my batch though. saw zhihao and brenda, the dsi/berk boys, uiuc pple... yup. the talk was pretty good.
wed
met up with ngiam and yaowei for lunch. tried to jump out from behind and "boo"-ed them but they slowly turned around and went oh. hi. -_-. well, found out everything still about the same..yaowei still as crazy harhar. and he has had more crazy fun over the past year. and i found out his little sis is coming to uiuc too. and he assured me that she's nothing like him. nice;) (just kidding=P) oh yeah qixiang showed up too. and a very long lunch again we took. -_-
was gonna meet shyhchang and lihao at the moe bus stop at 6.30 for dinner at holland v=)). on my way there i met..well..shyh chang at the overhead bridge... he was talking to apparently soeone he ran into too. and zhihao..and winston and christine..and joses...and....adhy...dave... hmmm. well we met lihao..turns out despite all our invitations there were only 3 of us... we went to holland v crystal jade... then ice kachang at the hawker center=). we chatted till 10+. it was really nice. =). happy.
thurs
gave up, went straight for phototaking at biopolis. the line got longer after i got there. there were a few pple from my batch there already, vick, justin, qixiang, yaowei, ... yeah quite a few. i met my junior too. forgot his name and forgot how i knew him. was reminded that he was from my junior class and his name too, later on. harhar. he was very shy and well behaved. oh dear i look down on young pple. and then ngiam and ros came..and christine halima zhihao and sarah. jsut to name a few. i was leaving with the rest, rounding the bend, caught sight of tracy when i heard someone call me. it was haroldau. that @#$!^!$^!#$!%@#. 2nd sentence after he called me : you put on weight. BISH. but harold au. what a character. one in a million-_- so talked to both of them a bit, until i had to run coz the rest were waiting. the bunch of us made our way to holland v..slowly... and we went to essential brew. where once again, i met an rgs girl waitering there. zhenni this time. harhar. long lunch... then after that i went to jurong east with vick and tracy to catch cars. which was..well...cute.
fri.
went to biopolis again, for the meet the juniors session. was kinda looking forward to it, i mean, skip work, free food, socialise. but it was boring, initially. harhar. draggy lar. then after that... mixing lor. 6 pple coming to uiuc. 3 (not confirmed yet) doing physics. i like the girl, seems really sweet=) and i don't ... grr.
it was interesting during the socializing. was with joanne for a while. hmmm. concerned. and then i met the guy who bluffed me at the rj scholarship talk=PPP and i asked him to show me his gf. it was quite sweet=)
after the group of us..as usual...dragged our feet..and couldn't decide whether or not to go to town. heck. we got moving in the end...lost more than half the pple (go back home to zz) at the station ... and had tracy christine vick yaowei jiamin and i left. the two girls left too... and the 4 of us...(such a weird company i must admit harhar, but nonetheless very entertaining.) decided to head for balcony at heeren. we had some drinks...i got quite happy and sleepy too. and then vick and jiamin left for lido to meet someone (guess who=P) and i , being the sucker i am for dessert, went to spinelli downstairs for cake with yaowei who turned out to be a gentleman;). then i went back to jurong pt to meet jennie...had a bite... then watched "just my luck". coz i was in a fuzzy happy mood of course. awwwwwwwwwwww. nice friday evening though. pretty relaxing.

sentosa tmr. pray weather's good and pray not just what, 3 of us are gonna show up.
more activities are lined up! yay. and next week more pple are coming to work. especially back in imre. yay.

"when i fall in love..."

2006-06-11T13:39:00.000-04:00

pretty interesting weekend.

"shopped" on my own for a while before meeting jennie. i reiterate. i hate shopping.
met her at the rock auditorium. sat through the 2pm service with her. it was quite interesting, more like how it is back in champaign. but it felt quite long though. but darlene zschech (however you spell her name=S) was there. she's good man.

after that we ate and shopped a bit. nice wallet;) and finally i got shoes. whew.
then we went to sheraton towers a little before 7, and met mag as well. wah so nice to see her! to catch up with her. we were at a table of indian doctors, so the later part of the evening was full of jokes and warnings about medicine. hmmmmm. the dinner was loooong i was fullllll. the bride and groom. ahhh. occasions like these make you dream a little. (psst, already thought of who's gonna make the speech for mine;) it was very sweet. hon was busy running aorund socialising too; she hardly sat down to have her dinner at our table. harhar and i kept saying how good she looked, such that mag and jen started getting the wrong idea :|. so the dinner ended with a hard-to-crack awfully chocolatey ice cream, and a long line outside the ballroom to congratulate the bride, groom, and families. thanks for inviting us hon! i look forward to yours;)
...it will be forever.

then i got back pretty late, caught the last train, and 2nd last bus.. and came home to an overexcited dog. who is now staring at me earnestly with sparkly eyes and heads-on-paws while bravely resisting the urge to fall asleep. i don't think i've received so much adoration in my whole life. Hmmmmmm. scary=S well anyway, it's sixuan's dog missy, who's here for 4 days coz sixuan's going on holiday. yay! doggy. and doggybreath. her name shall be "eeeeeeeeeeee" for the next 4 days.

"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job."
-Franklin P

2006-06-09T15:03:00.000-04:00

4-2.
good game! happy. and quite pleasantly surprised too.

confused.

gestern kapiere ich, dass ich die angst vor misserfolg, ablehnung und verlust habe. deswegen ich bisher niemand wahrlich geliebt habe. nicht familie, freunde, doch weiterhin jungen. ich habe nie eine echte beziehung herstellt.... hmmmm.

was at "work" mon tues thurs fri. thurs was happifying, i had a talkcock partner yay! and not much work to do. so all the better. fri was a little sadder.. went too early for my own good. bored to tears and i was really mean (sorry boo).

finished early and headed for town though. met jen and her dad and bro at buona vista mrt. oh yeah met yuyun at the moe bus stop in the morning! she's working at imcb. actually considered catching a show on my own (over the hedge=) heard it's cute). but just..bummed around. so relaxing. met some uiuc pple at orchard station. joshua! =) dennis and helmi. hmm...it was nice. we had dinner at far east (cheap cheap, good good), then walked down orchard in search of a good dessert place. ended up at nydc outside heeren (pissed). there were 12 of us! sweet.

and i'm beginning to feel stretched thin again. and i'm beginning to think i'm treating my guy friends better than girl friends. or is it just coz the only girlfriends i have are the limited number, from 412.

long chat. h is going crazy -_-.

free.

2006-06-06T11:05:00.000-04:00

i am very free. Hmmmmmm. as you can tell from the increased frequency of my postings.
met up with dpoon and ui aik and dennis on thurs for lunch. then after that we just bummed around, and dennis as usual enlightened us with curious facts. then i met my mom and we shopped for a while before heading home.
ok sat and sun i totally stayed home-_-
started my attachment yesterday.
-refrains from groaning-.
-tries very hard to refrain from groaning-.
but i met halima first thing in the morning! yay=)) we're in for this together. but saw 3 other names there. (harhar Joshua Lim.pdf, Ooi Chin Chun.pdf HAHA) it'll be fun when the rest join us.
so sat/slept through safety training for the past 2 days. met my advisor who's damn nice. who said "just do whatever you wanna do" after the first day which i took to include "go home if you wanna". that was yesterday.
..evening with cai..
left after the training today to meet cai at clarke quay. met nikki and her other um.."colleague". and then we ate our way down clarke quay. that was fun!=) and we went into the eski bar (not to mention freezing our butts off inside for a while), had a drink, talked for a while. there was a nice dessert place with a cointreau truffle that will certainly make hon and teck tee (chocolate lovers, sheesh) Melt. that's it i'm bringing them. nice and relaxing evening. but have (real) work to do starting from tmr. zz.
life feels stagnant again. i feel stagnant again.

;(

nice photo to cheer things up: me fiona and eunice in turkey run. (looking very happy, before we got lost)

i wonder if you feel the same. hmmmm.
(disclaimer: it's not as scandalous as it sounds.)

catchingups and more catchingups.

2006-05-31T22:27:00.000-04:00

rock-climbed with jon and helmi last friday...disappointing! me. =(. then caught xmen3 with the other uiuc pple. =). but before supper i had to be sent back..coz it was too late. bleah.

saturday pangseh-ed jen for numerous activities=SS. slept through the day. (it's really following a patten hmmm). requested for work to be shifted to a week earlier. which means i'm starting on the upcoming monday. sigh.

sunday had lunch with teck tee and zhenchang, my two hormonally-imbalanced-incessantly-teasing-nonetheless-hilarious juniors. still the same-_-. then caught a movie with zhenchang; the child. don't watch it.
then met grace at night at imm. wah. she ambushed me from behind the escalator. waaah. we hugged. and hugged. and basically hugged x3. it was very sweet. did lots of catching up with her. am happy for her, and relieved in a way harhar. here's to her happily-ever-after=)

monday! met up with (part of) 412=)) we went to food republic (and i thought, gee, perfect for ooi!)...had a whole table of food and tucked in. there were..jen hon em kai peiyan ili val crys, anna and hweeying joined us later too.=) we hung around orchard for a while..then went to somewhere else for dessert.. =). missed them.

wed. met sixuan at 6+ in town and we pulled a last-min-put-things-together trick to get me ready for zouk later in the evening. whoa. almost panicked, the situation looked dire for a while there. but cai demonstrated encouraging and neverending patience (so touched). then met hon (HeHe, her first time clubbing too), dpoon. then we went to the toilet and took a while to make up hehe. it was quite fun. but i realise how cmi i am... "the pain we put ourselves through", as hon says. yar lor. life would be alot easier without makeup. hon put contacts on for me again, reminiscent of prom... but it wasn't so bad this time;). Finally ui aik arrived. we had to sit tight to wait for him since he just arrived from m'sia today and didn't have a sg no. then we split up to cab to zouk, but we waited n waited..so sos-ed val and kai, who were actually in zouk already. so they came all the way out again to pick us up. it was quite surreal in the car when they picked us up; kai was driving...val and kai looking glamorous.. and then there were cai and hon...girl talk (making kai embarrassed, mainly).. about them getting earrings for me, as requested.. oh man. i wouldn't have imagined it a few years ago. i told that to them, and val said, YEAH with you going to zouk. hmmmmm. harhar. that moment really hit home how much i missed them.

met mag ng in future.. she gave me a big hug and squealed happily, sunny! and we said at the same time, long time no see! =).. val and kai treated hon and me to a flaming lamborghini each. yay can drink legally. harhar. drank a Little (really, little) more afterwards... i...wasn't sure whether the reason for my not walking entirely straight afterwards was because of the shoes..or..... that'd be quite lousy. either ways dpoon ui aik and i brought the girls over to look for sq at zouk. harharharhar. damn funny. oops =P he was mamboing on the podium in a corner...looking happily engaged. then we found torance and zhixiu chilling in the corridor, who um...accused me of not dressing up in champaign. oops. and i sorta stumbled a bit in front of them and they looked quite amused and i think for a split second zhixiu thought i was gonna fall over. doh. don't worry this'll be my first and last time clubbing in sg liao-_-. but we didnt' spend enough time with them, i reckon, especially when we're the ones who jio-ed them. arrgh.
then hon kai val left after a bit.. for supper. sad sad to see them go. pardon my honesty, but kai is gorgeous, welltodo (and pardon my materialism=P learn from ahem, other pple one!), and on top of it all, Such a nice girl. so...;)
then cai brought me and her two judo friends over to velvet underground. hmmmmmm. call me conservative but i don't like oogling guys.hmph. -shivers-. harhar.
we were back in future...wah packed dance floor. hot. i felt quite urgh-ed. there were too many pple..it was badly ventilated.. my shoes were killing me...and there wasn't enough action. HeeHee. (i agree that singaporeans are conservative)
finally cabbed back with uiaik dpoon and cai. stayed over at cai's place.

life is getting a tad uniform, but i think once i start my attachment there won't be time for all these though. argh i'll have to wake up EARLY starting next week. very alien concept.

on a side note:
i just realised..as in...fully conscious.. aiyah hard to explain... of how nice my parents are. ashamed. hai. but determined to be nice to them.

another side note:
wah i feel like i'm getting stupider. -smacks face-. everything that comes out of my mouth nowadays just sounds idiotic. -smacks face again-. maybe it has to do with the smacking.

sad. missing illinois. losing touch. tell me why i felt more comfortable in my own skin back in champaign.

home!. (and stifled)

2006-05-24T11:40:00.000-04:00

not just the weather. (i Will complain. pffft)

well. since the last update, i've had my exams. which i was kinda sick of by, well, not really the end. i don't know if i regret it but ah well it's over.
joshua tan came to visit, during his post-exam and pre-summer period. i had organised a little state park (with the cute name of turkey run) trip (for eunice of course) again, on thursday. but we couldn't do any canoeing because the river was flooded becvause of the heavy rainfall. but the 4 of us, fiona, eunice, joshua and i, did a little hiking, got a little lost, took a number of pretty photos, and in general enjoyed the atmosphere=) and as usual, i enjoyed the driving.
post exams fun involves lots of drinking, as usual. but it wasn't as wild as i had envisioned it to be.
eunice and co. went off on friday night, headed for glorious yellowstone (sob). we had the house party at torance's, during which i took many nice photos which (to my utmost dismay) i found to have disappeared. coz i lost my camera. ;(.
slept very little over that weekend. and packing on sat morning was hell (over and over). but joshua did so much more. sigh.
so saturday afternoon i zombily moved stuff to our summer storage garage, and to jon's place. the rest of the evenign was spent preparing for grad lunch. lots of pple came to help=)
then joshua and dominic left early on sunday morning. missed them coz i slept through it all.
but it was good coz the next morning everyone else was too knocked out to get up, so i went off to grad lunch venue. grad lunch was really sweet. the seniors lined up on the stage, all in their robes, and looking so radiant. awwwww. and i took photos with dennis and torance of course.
then spent the next few days bumming and helping others pack. and by wednesday it was my turn. i amtrak-ed from champaign to union station in chicago with all my luggage (died. and went to heaven). was at cracker barrel with junwan and fiona (who are staying for summer) before that, because i insisted they try the strawberry shortcake=), who then sent me off. awww. fiona was like, no sun yi don't go! junwan lock the car drive the other way! harhar so cute.
after getting to chicago pretty late at night, i took metra (instead of the cta which is ...let's say, has a certain degree of risk, at this time of the day, according to many sources) and got to the northwestern campus in 28mins (instead of 1.5h) . it's a little more ex (just a little) but definitely an alternative to consider. well i got to the davis station, and xu xu arrived with her senior, who drove to pick me up. awwwww. then the most paiseh thing. i remembered who he was. doh. i should've been nicer at mwg=PPP
so i spent two days at xu xu's. thurs i went downtown and shopped for a few hours. got there at 11am and started going back at 2pm. i'm a lousy shopper who obviously doesn't enjoy shopping.
harhar after getting back i made full use of xu xu's room phone;)
so constipated. :/ ;(.
had dorm dinner (-makes ugly face to match the taste of the food-), met a few of xu xu's friends. took an evenign walk around campus like last time round. marvelled at how pretty the campus is.
woke very early on friday morning, because xu xu had an exam downtown. we got there before 8.30am.. i was left on my own, so traversed downtown on foot for about 2 hours. walked along lake michigan for a while, enjoying the chilly breeze the bluegreen water the beautiful weather. will miss it. feel more at ease here/there actually..
after xu xu finished her exam we headed north for some dimsum, and afterwards a suburban hike in the middle of nowhere on a quest for best buy to look for a new camera for me. we found it, and the prices sucked.
then we went back to noyes and xu xu treated me to dinner at the -best chinese restaurant on campus-. harhar it was good (all but the portion size). it finally ended with the da vinci code at the campus theatre. but we went in a little late, on time actually, and it was entirely filled. so we sat at the very first row and what an experience that was.
back in her room i got my things ready.. went online.. talked a while on the phone.. and waited for 4am to come.

so i scrambled up at 4am...got to the airport at 5am.. checked in by 6am, and discovered i was 2h early for my flight. but i got shifted to a 7am flight to LA, which made my transfer time even longer in LA. but thankfully by the time i was checked in very slowly, i only had about ..hmmm.. 3 hours to wait for my connecting flight out. and since it was saturday, i had the luxury of being entertained/entertaining aka "the meaning of my life"-_- for about 2h. i'll miss this place though. harhar hope i'll missed too.
so off i flew for singapore. reached sunday night near midnight.
and i slept through most of monday. tuesday i finally re-emerged... sent dad off.. and went out during the afternoon. met honlyn in town =)) then we met sixuan. and spent from 4 to 9 catching up with them. harhar one year's worth of news. they're still the same=) but many things have happened. anyway would've met jenniequah but she's on exercise! i called her and heard the water of the malacca straits sloshing: /. it was nice to see them. then at 9+ i went off to buona vista to meet jon, who picked me, joshua and kristine up and went to chomp chomp to eat. helmi dquek kejia joshua jon kristine and i were there, and we bumped into joel too! let me see, we had charkwayteow, satay, carrot cake, stingray, horfun, sugar cane, ice kachang, almond jelly...=)) HA to all you summer school pple. ok i deserve to be slapped harhar. but what the heck;)
then slept most of today again-_-. and got a call from telle in the evening. she's flying tmr though! i'll wait till her return next month to catch up on more with her=).

not ready.
macht mir auch sehr traurig. you have no idea.

spring has come and gone. time to go home.

2006-04-20T21:25:00.000-04:00

yes spring break has passed. it was good =))). i got to drive alot. but that = greater chance of getting caught, and i was. *scrunches face. $$ fly away. oh well. first trophy, as my seniors reassure me. and they were very nice to offer to pay for half of it too. awww.
i thought our white water rafting was fantastic, in east tennessee. we were in north carolina too! but way too far from duke harhar. called ooi and joshua when i was in north carolina. enjoyed the drive there from tennessee, mountainous and very very scenic. =)). go karted, kayaked and cabin-ed in kentucky, and there was a little episode with with a border collie... hmmmmm. pretty exciting story. oh yeah stayed in haunted hotel in arkansas too.. eh. spooky. at first thought it was grand but... after finding out the history of the town..=SSS eeee. oh yeah had kfc buffet in arkansas too. -burp- excuse me.
enjoyed talking to my seniors=) although could've done more of it! all 3 leaving liao..2 graduating the other going uk for a sem overseas. awwww. well...looking forward to freshmen coming in.. but hai. good times don't last forevcer eh.

mwg was the weekend after springbreak, on april 1st. got to see christine!!!, selene, val (who is so damn hilarious. i like her=), jer and jem, junrong. shiok. it was so good to see them. too bad we weren't there very long. didn't have enough time to spend with everyone. kinda sad as we drove off (oh yeah i got to drive quite alot. think the springbreak driving really helped build confidence, in others more like. harhar). kinda sad mich swept 1st for everything. -snort-.

april 8th - happy birthday Xu Xu! i called her and we talked for a while harhar. and Adeline budd. msged her, tried, but i think didn't get through.
and upcoming, april 22nd, xizzy!!
april 26th. hon. happy birthday girls. welcome to the world of 20s. hurhur.

made some new friends.. recently have been hanging out with grace and eunice alot more. studied with grace yesterday. and andrew's so happy he's going to fat don's next week. harhar. good for him. nice to make pple happy. on sat night grace invited me over for dinner too. curry. yumyum. a little piece of home. and i brought dessert harhar=) sweet. today just went jogging with eunice..for tmr we planned a mini roadtrip to a state park 30 mins from here=). that's the thing, if you like it, go ahead and do it.
but..am feeling a little stretched thin. there are friends, many, and there's work. just amongst the friends i've not enough time to spread.. sigh. feels bad. feel guilty.
yay was invited to dinner at dennis' and vincent's apartment after that. wah flattered flattered. yesterday was a super sweet day for me...so many good things. anyway after tmr's dinner there's the apartment crawl. bwaharharhar. but signed up as nondrinker=P

life is alright... coming home real soon, supposed to be 20th may. and all these friends back home to meet up with. gosh can't wait. my astar friends, my 412 girl-friends=) wah can't wait can't wait. and also my juniors! got a call from one of them the other day, seems like i was the only suaku and overexcited one=PP harhar. hmmm... someone was telling me, you can tell over time, which friends are for keeping.. but right now i seem to have many many and that just makes my day=)

exams coming. 3 weeks from now.. hmmmmmm.....shrug. see how it goes.
oh yeah staying a bit later after school ends. hope to store away my things... oh yeah we're having end of sem gathering + grad lunch for graduating seniors, and i'm the secretary for the ssa (singapore students' association.) so have to help out mah. but good chance to take many photos with graduating seniors. -sniff-. harhar psst, after going for mwg i Really treasure the ssa here=P the pple here are great=)
afterwards entertain friend, then stay with junwan and fiona in seniors' apartment.. slack around.. go to chicago earlier...shop around=) looking forward to shopping for all my friends back home. then already asked if i can stay with xu xu=)). yay. then off to home i fly! (and work bleah)
so fast. 2 sems over and done with. amongst many things, i feel that being overseas is really a test of my character. i've never felt more..i can't find the right word, i suppose "examined" would do, for who i am, how i behave and what i stand for. still don't know myself well, still going through life half-asleep.

Spring. is (almost) here=)

2006-03-15T19:04:00.000-04:00

for sure. i can smell it, it's just two days away. all that separates me from it is (are-_-), well, two days, an essay, math homework, laundry, and response paper one page long. that's all man. here i come.
let me talk of our absolut springbreak plan:
we're gonna drive around the midwest (ah, so sian, you think. but we'll prove you wrong!) starting off from home here in champaign illinois, go southwest a little to st.louis missouri. eat our way down basically. and we'll continue on to arkansas where we'll be staying in a haunted hotel (mommy!!!). after that we'll be driving as much as we can west, perhaps the whole of sunday for 10+ hours, hit tennessee, and hopefully by monday we'll start on some activities such as whitewater rafting, mountain biking (i hear it's not season yet though;( ), kayaking, gokarting.. we're staying in a cabin in kentucky as well. and after that it's head on home). i have a feeling i'll be pretty exhausted by then. but i look forward to long distance driving=) so that by next next week, the midwestern games week, i'll be fine as an interstate driver! yahoo.
speaking of mwg. don't feel too good about it.. the week after that i've got 3 midterms. and it's gonna take up the whole weekend. sigh. even in a normal week i have difficulty churning out all the hw due for the week. i guess i'm just a bit worn out by 9 weeks straight of school and work.
but i look forward to mwg, seeing friends and all. yeah;)
but i've had my fun during these few weeks too.
well anyway the past week...nothing much happened. oh junwan got her license yesterday morning. i went down with aldrich and her early in the morning, and i'm really proud of her to have passed. she definitely was much better than previously, alot calmer.=) good. but she still doesn't like to drive that much...
oh yeah sq allowed me to try his eclipse last weekend.=))). eh. first gear only. gimme some time man.
oh yeah and he and i have mailed in an application for motorbike lessons. -raise eyebrows-. -jumps up and down-. harhar. later on, end of april. see how it goes. hope i don't fall over.
oh yeah last friday we sorta had a movie marathon again. but a whole bunch of us watched ultraviolet, but after that most of them left and only joshua mark one of the exchange students and i were left to watch. -horrors-. the hills have eyes. omg. just thinking of the name still sends shivers down my back. it was...traumatic. yes junrong you should watch it because you won't Ever get to see this kinda things in singapore. traumatised. i could just imagine hon watching it and responding 10 times worse than me (i was crying and bewildered and traumatised and broken down. no joke.) no Don't watch it hon=S scarred for life. ok i realise i'm just tempting pple to watch it by not revealing enough. if you're emotionally and mentally weak right (i think i'm Ok lar, not that weak) i advise against it.
but i found it interesting that the plot and scenes were powerful enough to provoke such responses you see. hmm interesting.
ultraviolet was eh. the fight scenes were nice, exaggerated, but some were pretty original. but the plot was cmi. harhar. ah well, milla jovovich lar. that's the only reason.
saturday i was pretty fed up already, yes that was when i started feeling it. junwan joshua and mark were at indianapolis with janice, but i couldn't join them coz i had sth in the morning. anyway, so fiona and i were left. poor fiona doing her mp at everitt. harhar EEs, my heart goes out to you. ;) so she told me of her Grand Plan for Saturday Evening. girls' night out. we went to the mall, had dinner, shopped around, then to walmart (i promised her a walmart trip over the weekend;). on our way there it was raining so heavily even at the highest speed the windscreen wiper made no difference. so i stopped for a while. i had driven onto a small country road before that, it was long and going into the darkness. quite a pretty sight actually. and then you can see the flashes of lightning, almost perpendicular to the ground. harhar interesting, it was like nothingness, and out of the nothingness came streaks of lightning. but we were quite scared i must confess. so i stopped a while. after walmart we went to jarling's which is open! yay. fiona was just crooning over the strawberry shortcake snowstorm/blizzard (sth along those lines) harhar good that you liked it=). didn't really like the custard though, sorta blands (pales) in comparison.. anyway, it was a nice evening out=).

grrr. the duke boys are on holiday and are damn free (i keep forgetting that i'm not supposed to be free-_-). NvM. Soon it'll be My turn. at lots of things i hope.;).

2006-03-05T03:49:00.000-04:00

well i survived hell week (last last week).=). not very well but hey i'm here. kicking.
eventful again!
spent the whole week really just mugging. thurs tracy went out for bar crawl. what without me? harhar ok lar i'm not into bars. nor crawls. but it was tempting, just to get out.

fri afternoon i finally finished school, had to do some virtual reality demo at beckman institute. was pretty jaded and fed up after that. but luckily! joshua called me. he said he was at prospect. i happily rushed back and drove up=) -glee-. was just itching for a reason to drive around. need it to destress. then we had a leisurely dinner at allen with junwan fiona tracy as well.
then then!! then we went canoepoloing. bwaharharharhar. i practically ran through all the corridors to the pool. then i jumped eagerly up n down waiting to get into the water. =). i had fun, it was too short. but i'm kinda clumsy harhar. of course, canoepolo's about agility no? after that the girls, tracy eunice and i, chionged to the shower to make it to ....
mike's bday bash at joe's (before midnight, no cover). wah event of the week (every week got event=). but i was driving and i had promised fiona i wouldn't drink. so i didn't.
well it was um... ok lar. at least not so smoky upstairs..or loud music blasting my eardrums. pple getting drunk again. seniors. dennis almost got into a fight. HAR. imagine that! he was very...fierce. was very traumatised by him. but it was so hilarious, damn amused. he's so different when he's um.sober. that was avery interesting sight.
ended up staying there really late...and ferried pple home. made sure they were alright. good!=)
harhar seems like alot of pple sorta feel quite bad for me but i'm perfectly fine with it.

sat met up with dennis torance and sq for our springbreak planning. it was hilarious. i was there about 30mins late =( . (had capt's ball training before that. Watch Out Michigan.) i ran up to sq's apartment, knocked on and then opened the door. no one. fishy. there was curry cooking on the stove, slippers lying about. hmmmmmmm. fishy indeed. so i called them, and finally torance picked up. "where are you guys?" "we're in the room what". at which i walked towards sq's walkin closet, and opened the door, getting ready to scold. but then they jumped out at me and i still jumped. despite the xin li zhun bei. hilarious lar. my seniors are so young at heart. i'm gonna have plenty of fun during springbreak.
after that we chionged (back) to PAR for games night.

and then it was the start of another week.
tues - accompanied junwan to her interview after lunch. since i have one class on tuesday. i drove her there, was happy to accompany her. hope it went well. she'll hear in a while.
then we went for irish dinner in the evening, coz it's mardi gras. dennis sq two girls joshua and i. ehhh. it was expensive. and didn't quite live up to expectations unfortunately.
then at 1130 we all gathered at yeelin's apartment, and we gave bernard a surprise bday party! it was a good party, it was pretty smart. they baked a -lousy- (ok it was quite good actually) little cake for him. then 5 pple turned up and zhixiu said, eh sorry ar, so last minute, weekday, can't get many pple to show up. apparently bernard was a Bit crestfallen. resigned to his fate. then we all popped out with a nice dairy queen "happy birthday cdf!" cake. yumyum.
thurs - i went to the gym!!! congratulations. in how many months. paiseh. with fiona some more. everyone just laughs when they hear this. met sq and janice there. janice asked if we wanted to go for dinner the next day, probably prospect. =) of course! bwaharharhar.
after dinner with junwan and fiona and sq i went back did a bit of work before picking sq up to go to dennis' for our spring break meeting again. good stuff, got most of it settled! yay. getting somewhere. byebye west virginia though.
after that we went to busey evans for some late night. scones what not. haagen dazs of course=). listened to them gossip!!! bwaharharhar. now i know Some stuff. hmm.
although i had work, i was just itching to drive and go walmart laaaar. harhar my weakspot. so i drove the 3 of them to walmart, they were gonna shop for the apartment crawl stuff tmr. snacks and alcohol. i was talking to dennis as he bought his groceries..so funny. a few months ago at the beginning of sem i remember coming to walmart. in the same car, driven by torance (his car) though. now.. things have taken a turn. i'm driving my seniors to walmart. he said, harhar yes how things change. so funny=)

fri - yay! tgif again! it's unofficial st pat's day. the whole campus was drunk by night time. everyone was green. very interesting. by noon there were bunches of pple on (coincidentally) green street hollering and singing and being drunk
slept my afternoon away first. ahhhhhhhhh. bliss. then got a call from janice and we met at 7 at her place. lots of pple were there, joshua drove tracy and junwan and dom from their florida meeting at helmi's. i had picked fiona up, then picked janice up. and raymond was driving too. and jon was too! harhar "singapore entourage all for me" - janice. we were at red lobster but the wait was too long. so ended up going to ruby tuesdays. which had an equally long wait-_- but has superb dessert. choc tallcake. yumyumyum. new orleans seafood wasn't alot..i shared with tracy, but it was good stuff. ah dessert. still a sucker for dessert.
as a consequence of a long wait we were rather late for the apartment crawl. missed fangping and rachel's. picked joshua and mark up, joshua wasn't gonna drive after all. and then dom and lalit too. they were mostly gone at zhixiu's apartment...i was...well...well i had two -shots- of beer. how strange harhar. with aldrich and jon! harhar aldrich was like..drink drink drink!!! he had alot to drinnk during the day. but his face wasn't red! surprisingly ("good genes") and he seemed pretty fine. so they were doing silly stuff, like taupoking. damn funny. and just jumping around and singing and... drinking a shot of beer every 3 mins (when the music changes) and a shot of vodka after every 3 shots of beer. oh man.

after that i drove to torance's, some pple. when i came back for a second round i pulled up along daniels' hall. jon and lalit spotted junwan and me, they eagerly piled into the car, and jon was like.. you... are the best. damn funny. i'm so amused. but i'm pretty um...surprised at how crazy the singaporeans can get.
so it was more drinking at torance's. -raise eyebrow-. the flip cup game. at about 2 i got joshua and mark and yinyi back, and the girls too.

and then dom called. bernard and eunice's car was towed away. ... -Raise eyebrow-. so i went to rescue them. and we ended up sitting for an hour north of the highway. it was dark and scary=(.

sat. went for capt's ball training. let's just say....it was an interesting day. alternatives. but pretty demoralizing.
ah well. good in a way.

-----
so do you or not.

i didn't know it was so bad. get well soon.

Life.

2006-02-21T01:24:00.000-04:00

hey all=)
i know i still owe a winter break post. it'll be up. um. soon. (i started a draft of it end of last month!! so you'll see a post appearing out of nowhere before this).
now's not really a good time for me to blog but just to update briefly.
yay! last tuesday i got my driver's license. kudos to my shi fu sq. started from scratch. he really gave me pretty good instructions and knew what i needed as a student.=) i thanked him with plenty of haagen dazs and choc cookies, the least i can do bro;) so i've been driving around n around n around. everyone tells me "you're gonna get sick of it soon". harhar let's hope soon doesn't come. (but i've had my fair collection of little horror stories already=((( and now my friends think i'm a lousy driver harhar)
besides that nothing much interesting. dad is coming to texas some time soon, i said i'll meet up with him in chicago if he doesn't come down to uiuc.
harhar i hope ooi comes over for his spring break. hor,hor. then he'd stop complaining about his place being a ghetto. but chicago would be a nice place to visit for him=) that week of mine's relatively free, but too bad it doesn't coincide with my spring break.
speaking of which, i'm gonna join my 3 dear cool favourite seniors on a roadtrip to. nowhere. that's my idea of a spring/thanksgiving break man. two of them are graduating and sq's doing his fall 06 term in UK so.. yeah i really look forward to it.
and on the last weekend of our springbreak we're heading up to ann arbor for the midwestern games. plenty of friends to see=)! christine junrong selene lihao... harhar it's been a pleasant surprise as to how often i've gotten to see them. see, nothing's impossible, especially what you think is.
hmm, we had cny celebration, a dinner at the ymca. it was nice, to have all the singaporeans around. the food was pretty good too! =)
then last friday ui aik and kokhao organised a belated vday dinner for the freshmen, and we have present exchanging. (we drew lots). they got roses for each of the girls too, so sweet. turns out joshua and i exchanged presents. he wrote me a nice card=)
after that this whole bunch of us (always logistics/transportation problems when there are so many of us, but at least we have enough cars now=) went for movie. we split up, some watched firewall and the others (including me), eight below. which was nice. after that we just went into another theatre and watched pink panther harhar. oh yeah did i mention we bought 8 tickets for ahem, neun leute. ;) oh and after that i drove on the highway for the first time, while getting back. =SS. but i should do it anyway, i intend to drive for spring break's roadtrip (to virginia, sorry not exactly to nowhere=P however a spontaneous trip is still need to plan a bit laar)
so weekends are wonderful man. just going to walmart is therapeutic, i insist. so now we have this girls-to-walmart-then-nice-dinner-then-movie routine for weekends harhar. often followed by mahjong which i refuse to take part in. life is, pretty good.

well things are taking a turn... it's a little strange... but ah well yet some other things that i've learnt in such a short time. making new friends.. (and losing some inevitably.) cheerios.

busy this week, midterm today tmr and on fri, essay test on wed, essay on fri, ... so on so forth. every monday i look forward to The Coming of Friday. whew. yeah it's getting tougher, but i know i can tahan! mwaharhar. possibly playing canoe polo on fri night;) there's always so much to do on weekends, besides plenty of homework.

ciao, bis the next post! (harhar check back a month later. but maybe this weekend i'll chiong the winter break post. i'm only on the second day..but got alot of photos n stories one... cannot rush=P)

paiseh dear all.

2005-12-18T16:29:00.000-04:00

harhar oh dear. here i am in urbana illinois. as promised in the last entry though! well my exciting first semester has just come to an end. ok lar, on thurs night i finished my last exam. it's been pretty hectic, a little rough settling in, staying in a dorm (but with tracy! makes things alot easier), meeting new pple (mostly singaporeans though. but ah, slowly does it, i enjoy getting to know people regardless of who they are, as long as they're interesting and are interested in sustaining a conversation. but i've settled into a routine, it feels good. work load was stifling at first, a period of time i was really pressured. the uncertainty of my grades (it was initially all that we've learnt in the As.. but i was really apprehensive after that, what if i don't know what they're talking about when they teach new topics.), especially since my grades are, technically, all i should be concentrating on. have been working hard! seems like weekends are the only time you get to relax a little, but don't over do it! coz you'll most likely end up not having done your work and not ready for your new week. (hoho, all too familiar feeling). some .. interesting things:
freshman 15. check. "it's not cold, it's only 0C outside" becoming a casual phrase. check. macdonald's. no check!! american friends. semicheck. ccas. no check=PPP. pubbing. check. drinking. uh. check. frat party. (a single pathetic one). check. american accent (knowing when to switch). check. made friends with senior with a sports car;). check. getting to know some astar friends (all over the country though) better. check. =). boyfriend. no check. (harhar for alll you kpoh pple out there!) hating the cold weather. no way check! (crunching on virgin snow every day. cool). i'll add more if i think of any.

some significant events to update you guys on.
aug 17 - getting here, settling in

Sending off party. was touched to see so many there, at 7am. had to rush in in the end, running from check in gate to departure.
but yeah, was really touched that my friends came.

(left) my room. i discovered upon checking in, that tracy's my roommate. how cool's that;)

the next day i went exploring with my camera. this is the union, where everythin happens.

sept 3-4 labor day - chicago trip.
the singapore students' association organised a shopping trip to chicago/chicago suburb, for winter clothes and what not. spent the first day sightseeing and second shopping. this is from the first day. the party i hung out with all afternoon, tracy (roommate), elsie (grace's mom) and mark, outside the cheesecake factory. -smile broadly-=))).

navy pier and lake michigan from the john hancock tower.

north chicago coastline.

two of them and me spoiling it=) harhar it's the only one with the chicago skyline And 3 of us lar.

(right) this is really pretty. sorry so many photos=P but it was pretty breathtaking, i sat on navy pier facing chicago through sunset. it was pretty charming and romantic!=) ok one last one=)
yes chicago.

oct 01 - roadtrip to st. louis=)
st. louis is the capital of missouri which is the state south of illinois. three of my seniors and i took the greyhound down, because one of them had bought his car over ebay from some guy living in the suburbs of st. louis. so we took to the opportunity to explore a bit. when i got there i suddenly remembered why i love travelling. the feeling of being in a new place, with a map and backpack, some coins and cash. shiok. and that's when i decided yeah, travel!!

st. louis is famous for the arch. these two are my seniors, the one on the left is the one with the sports car, the one on the right is a safos scholar (so everyone said must suckup to him coz he go back surely bigshot one=) harhar. but he's a very nice and funny guy.) the last senior is a girl, the girlfriend of the guy on the right. that was pretty cool! a spontaneous roadtrip (i decided to join them the day before that). oh and i had to go to great lengths to take this photo ok! so only think nice things.

oct 15-16 - michigan comes to town!
umich pple had fall break around this time (but i didn't) and we played host for our friends=) it was great to see all of them again. i hope they had a good time, i certainly did, especially seeing them.
from left: junrong from astar, jerald, christine!! 3f!!! fiona and junwan, my dear girls here, val lee, and finally jeremy.all the visiting mich pple are from dsta, and except for junrong and val the other 3 are from dsta (and hence fiona's friend).
we took them out for dinner after showing them around campus, and we had a nice time chilling, catching up, exchanging gossip at the moonstruck chocolate cafe. then they all came back to my room, and guess what, (i'm gonna say this man), they MUGGED. they left the next morning after meeting up with helmi, our senior from rj. the twins jerald and jeremy are actually very close to helmi and that was mainly why they came by. they chionged down the highway from chicago averaging 90mph. gawd. boys.

movies and drunks.
went out pretty often during weekends for movies. so i'm not That cut off ok=PP it's pretty nice just to hang out with my freshman batch. wonderful pple. joshua, fiona, junwan, dominic and tracy.
drinking's a big part of the school culture here. pple start drinking from thurs night on till mon night. all the boys ust drink n drink, when you get on the bus at night you can smell the alcohol. pretty amusing. i quote, "like they've never seen alcohol before".
but i've had some amusing experiences with drunks. mark is a very docile drunk, revisits his childhood when he's intoxicated. and joshua's a Hilarious drunk. harharhar so funny. and i remember distinctly this other time, i was entering joe's (pub) there was this jovial drunk, he said, heyyy, how're you doing tonight. (then some stuff) what's your name? (answer) well, my name's sexy, but i prefer to go by "joe". HARHARHARHAR. damn cute lar. i was scared at first. but most of them are just so amusing and cute.

our apartment.
october's the season to hunting for our apartments next year. joshua did most of the work, and they found a four-bedroom apartment along s. lincoln, near the springfield intersection. it's just opposite sq's apartment. tracy and i went to look at a 2bedroom in that building as well, turns out there's one right beside the 4 bedroom one that the others (fiona junwan dominic joshua) already took, and we looked at it, price is a bit steep, $405 compared to our seniors' which range from 250 (gawd can you believe it) to 350 (well there's 415 too). but it was comfortable and we liked it, so why not. and we had a feeling it'll be pretty hassle free. landlord looked decent. so we signed the lease to move in aug 2006 till aug 2007. hooray!! can't wait to move in. can't believe have to stick through another semester of this nonsense.

nov 04 - birthday.
my two neighbours, mark and tracy had in store a little surprise for me. but i spoiled it, 20 mins before midnight. oops=) but i appreciate it nonetheless! especially some pple.. pretty tired from work and all.=S that was really a nice gesture.
the next day the remaining freshmen went out for dinner with me, and they ordered a present off amazon/ebay too. was jsut what i needed, a sling bag. it's a pretty orange levi's too=))). perfect.

nov 12 - joshua's new car.
so exciting, joshua got his new car! which he bought off ebay. sq and his friend, and i (i was a bit extra lar=P) all drove up with him in a rental car to chicago. picked up his new car from a suburb, drove through downtown, i got my cheesecakes, and then we drove all the way back again. pretty signifcant event. first freshman to get a car! real early though. i pray he won't be abused=PP ohoh and he's a nice smooth driver btw. but in chicago it was quite funny. he was getting evidently more tense as he drove on the highway alongside many other cars, into the grand city. harahr then traffic was pretty bad, somewhere a cab on the opposite side trying to turn (across our path) almost banged into us, then gave us a finger. -pissed off-. and we searched for parking for half an hour. sigh. oh before that we were driving through the south side of chicago. pretty daunting. it was really scary. pple going around with cardboard signs.. but they were all blacks. every single person i saw. there was this mood.

nov 18 - 25 - thanksgiving break - great smoky mountains trip.
a few of our seniors organised this trip to the great smoky mountains in tennessee. a 7 hours drive down, camping for 3 nights, cabin lodge for two nights, and then shopping on black friday bwaharharhar. alot of things happened during the trip (i mean many activities) and it was pretty fun except for the times we milled around in our 15 seater van with no purpose (due to bad weather etc) many many photos=)
(left) first day after arriving in the mountains, hiking.

(right) the end of our hike: a waterfall.

(left) bro!

(right) scenic loop

-family- dinner at our cabin. sweet, our cabin was=)))

snow.
it started snowing after thanksgiving. pretty=) enjoying the cold, although my seniors said, give yourself two weeks to start hating it. harhar.

my car.
i bought a car with junwan last friday. our senior's chrysler. =) hm.

and now.. winter holiday.
i'm leaving on monday afternoon for chicago, to stay with xu xu. thurs we're goingto boston together, and on friday we'll be meeting up with joshua...and the rest. well i'm really excited. but yesterday morning mark left, and this early morning tracy and fiona left as well. kinda sad.. and guess what, "it's only the end of the first sem".
now at sq's house, with joshua. see what we can do=) eat lor.
excited but scared abt tmr. tmr's our day to leave!

**
i talked to emily online last night. long long time since i've gotten here. pretty guilty to admit, normally life back home doesn't really come to mind. feels like a different life, it is actually. whole set of different things to make up my own life here. at first it felt pretty surreal, felt like taking a holiday. nothing felt permanent, spending money as if i were a tourist. but gradually it got better. my own credit cards, my own bank account, my own hp line, my own bills to settle... on my own. feels pretty good. but once in a while when i'm free, i take out the bag of notes that my friends wrote to me before i left, and remember what i loved about home.
and then one fine day some time ago i talked to hon, that was alot of info update for me. and then i saw jen's commissioning photo on hon's blog. i was really touched. sorry had to miss it. she sure looked good though. and then there was the occasional encounters with weili, Always at the funniest of times: 3am, 10am (when my phys lecture starts)..etc. harhar. then there's cai with her united kingdom exploits.
so all my friends, you're still on my mind. hon, jen, grace, cai, telle, kai... love you guys.

"all my bags are packed, i'm ready to go."

2005-08-16T15:29:00.000-04:00

that's not exactly true=P. everything feels, yes surreal. somehow i feel like i'm not involved in all this, like an outsider watching the action. or maybe i'm just not used to being the one to leave. it hasn't hit me obviously.

came close though. twice today. once with em (i thought you were kidding about being bad at goodbyes. but no, woosh.), and the second time with jennie. that was hard.
i love you emily, don't miss me, i'll be back before you realise it. at least one thing good about time passing faster and faster eh?
and hon and i rushed off to tuas naval base after lunch at nus with all the med pple (so many many..many) and whoever else available at nus, to send jennie off. we toured the ship a bit, rss perseverance. interesting, big. but then they were called up to the ship and... well. ouch. their salutes were cute, and the beret/hat waving even more so. saw shane too. they'll be sailing for 3 weeks. and pple wondering why jen and i behaved so exaggeratedly. you wouldn't know.
was considering bringing some sorta soft toy, but went through my collection and thought none of them had enough significance. now i have it! thank you jennie. i will really miss you. and this is bad because i know you'll be very busy and i'll be very far away. (when she gave me her present for me it was just ouch.. i had that feeling again, where it was difficult to breathe, like something constricting my ribcage (i'm so not poetical, but seriously, that's what it feels like), that feeling i've not had for a long time.) but yeah, like your gift said so. we'll always be in each other's lives.

and then i met up with teck tee. hell of a rush. it was good to see him.

and then rushed home.. qq xiz cai bena came over for dinner. took photos. then sang and hk came over at 3am. (just now... they walked from nus. wow. you're not sleeping on My mattress!!=P)

starting to feel excited. will be leaving for the airport in 2 hours time. go spend some time talking to sang bena and hk now!

thank you all my friends! your generosity and well wishes flatter me so. all the best!

next report from champaign!

p.s. jin: sorry i've neglected you for so long! if it's any consolation, you're the only i'm going Towards!

2005-08-14T11:50:00.000-04:00

there always seems to be so much to leave behind.

just got back from dinner (actually a whole afternoon) with 3f at holland v (memories. though i actually never went there frequently while i was in rj). it was very good to see everyone but, the foreboding atmosphere of parting hung.
i have alot to say to each who showed up but not enough time! makes me wonder what happened in jc, when we had so much time together. yes what i'm trying to say is that, i wish i could've gotten to know some of you much better.
the significant pple whom i noticed not showing up were weili and eric. everyone else i'm close to came! bingrui yanjie wangning yingheng hon sang telle baorong bena hongking eve christine shifeng ros qq andy (both of whom left "early") very touched. of course it's not just for me but nonetheless!
photos..will be up soon. i promise=).
i'm even more touched that quite a number of pple wanna send me off (championed by bena. 7 years man.) despite my flight at an unearthly hour (well alright, it's earthly just that i've to go in an hour earlier) of 7.20am. i would've felt alot better if my flight weren't so early.

everyone's so =( and mature all of a sudden.

new chapter's sure exciting but overshadowed by the closing one.

haroldau is hilarious. he's more like my senior than my junior. but through all the jokes i'm still touched:
hey
yi lu shun feng
come back wif GPA of 4.0
i noe you will.

sonnig - am leaving wed morning & :harharhar

i gtg
in case i dun get to msg u before u get off
wish u all the best again
do focus on your studies
but don't forget to have a fair bit of fun
speak to overseas ppl
take part in cool stuff
(get a boyfriend there)
and dun miss local food too much
dun be homesick
dun come back wif
1.an angmoh accent (it sucks)
2. a beijing qiang (sucks more)
cyaz then

shen right.

went for jose's party yesterday, with diane. quite a number of the astar pple were there. yes we said our goodbyes too. it'll be a while before i see pple like zhihao, cheukka, diane and justin (the list is "by no means comprehensive") again. it was nice, we sat there, passed a tub of haagen dazs around (the green tea one was bad, who concurs), talked about our pasts and futures harhar. so heavy=P so happy birthday! to your brother too. 21 is a significant age=).

bah i was always sending pple off. i know how it feels to watch the person walk through the glass door underneath the "bon voyage~gute reise~some tamil stuff~some japanese stuff~selamat jalan~" sign, turning around, waving his/her hand. so..yeah. hmm. tsk. too many farewells to bid.
yeah so i will miss you guys! and since i'm not one to say such things i'll just use hon's: ilu! (hon..telle..jen..xiz..bena..sang..feng.. qq! (this one i feel extra rou ma. she gave me a hug leh, jealous oder=P) ...... em kai val bud ....grace cai! hannah looloo shu..... see, there's so much to leave behind.)

2005-08-12T14:41:00.000-04:00

wed 100805

i went for the lecture with some of my watch/the astar pple. it was .. eh....

met baiping dr chan and ms ning (=)!) too. and then the 4 of us impromptu-edly (is there a word for this) met up with ooi on his way to bugis. we visited the new library, were absorbed in the used texts bookshops at bras basah before we went off for our separate dates/meetings.

mine was with zhenchang and yee onn. was really touched that they took the time and money to have dinner with me at cafe cartel @ ps. esp since i remember once upon a time when i was a student, poor in both, and so very stressed at this time of the year. soo cute=).

yesterday, thurs 110805 was our watch outing at kbox (2) . psyche up eh! we chionged from 2-8. -gasp-. -cough cough sputter-.

don't they look good! (sarcasm? go figure=)

wish i could post a few of the audio (and video too) clips (how?). hilarious.

will this be the last time, in a long time to come?

i have 4 full days left until... no lar nothing serious, just flying.=P so yes i'm flying wed 7.20am. my dad is gonna take over my hp number.

it's really different talking to different pple. christine has started packing though she's leaving late(latelate) sept, and then there's ooi who is leaving one day after me and doesn't intend to pack until the night before ("what's there to pack man, just throw my laptop and 3 shirts in". upon which joshua reminds him that there are still pants and other things too).

ok yeah i promise, i will start tmr.

i am homesick before i have left.

my parents have much to worry about (when winter comes, not enough blankets and things to wear etc...=S) but what worries me is that their worries may not be unfounded. am i ready? i'll find that out man.

and then there are these new friends i've just met and will soon part with. but like ooi says, "bo bian" (he's just so quotable). it was really -ouch- thinking about this after i came back from our outing but oh well it's better now, just keep moving on. (see you guys in chicago;)

of course there are the old friends too. but for them i believe we've built up a strong enough foundation (i'm at a loss for words nowadays, but i was never one to rattle off sophisticated intelligent sentences (hint hint, points to the shyh chang entry=) to start with), and we know we'll be in one another's lives for the rest of our own.

for one, my class is having a gathering on sunday, for christine wangning hk andy feng.. hmm who else is leaving? how sweet of them.

tracy and josh lim leaving on sunday. manjae is leaving today! (coz it's 3am) with some luck i'll meet him during winter. yes i'd like that very much.

2005-08-09T12:01:00.000-04:00

hey all. you should just check back once a month. (you won't miss much=P)

i am flying next wed morning, 17th august.
i will miss you and you and you and mostly you.

let me update you on what has happened over the past month (oh boy. here we go again.=)

4th july - ili's bday! had one of the remaining "formal meetup sessions" with the astar pple, for our stress management workshop. we basically didn't listen much, much to my shame=P. we went for dinner after that, at prego. a whole group of us. that was fun=) love spending time with them

6th july - award ceremony song group had rehearsal at my house. it lasted from 9+ to 4.30!! not bad for a first rehearsal too. all girls though. what're we gonna do with/about the boys..

7th july - had my braces removed. hon noticed first!!=)

8th july - met kejia in the morning to go to anglo french and ask about tickets. Damn good, we only have to email around to settle our tickets. had lunch with yunlei em kai val jon at raffles city subway. met waikit. so cool right. i like running into nice pple every now and then.
evening, we had sports-after-work!! told you the astar pple are damn funky. alot of them went clubbing after sports (-faint-) or to the esplanade to chill.

9th july - went for the overnight cycling briefing at rj. met ningqi and his classmate there. my goodness. what did i say about running into nice pple.

10th july - girls + 6 guys came to my house for rehearsal again (not bad eh, 6!!). then brenda lihao diane and i went for dinner at imm. we talked for Really long. it was really interesting

11th july - had lunch at biopolis, as diane proposed last inght. i2r pple came down as well. funny, i was the only one who was there without (much of) a reason. damn free lar.

13th july - bean's bday!

15th july - went out with the song group girls to shop for our decor thing for our performance. then we went to biopolis for our first rehearsal. then we moved off towards rose's house, with 6 of us squeezed into yun's car. when we got there first we played tennis badminton some of them squash. some of them dipped harhar. so we spent the night at her house, the rest mahjonged the whole night, and i couldnt' fall asleep either. what's with the mahjong man!
16th july - we packed up and 7 of us squeezed into yun's car, back to biopolis for our morning rehearsal-_-. met baoluo there, and dickson. it was good to see them. i was totally zonked by the time i finished, and it was pretty late so i gave our class outing a miss (darn). but i heard it's good! but i probably missed the chance to see alot of pple for well..very long to come.

17th july - tennis-ed with hon and jen for a while (oops 15 mins. stamina is going down down down) then went to borders. hon and jen weren't free after that. darn, was all geared up to swim etc.

19th july - ice skating! with the short rascals!! price was good, for ladies. ngiam's tricks are damn good. (more to come...more to behold...-whoa-)
we skated till the rink closed! 10! once again. damn funky.

21st july - rehearsal. again. bah. hurry up and be over. and they're getting boringer by the day. must be coz we've sat through so many already. song group guys weren't around since it's a weekday, so what's the pt!
(oh no, rescue me! don't let me go through the unnecessary..)

22nd july - award ceremony. good everything went smoothly. took photos etc.

23rd july -
had the uiuc ssa talk in the morning. very useful! i look forward to being frozen, and having nothing to do. honestly, i don't feel as bad as i seem to sound.
met tracy arya kokhao kejia junwan there.
bought a camera. hmm...so far ok. takes long to recharge flash though. very long. but starts up fast...
overnight cycling!! met with josh ngiam and chris at cafe cartel at raffles city first for dinner. met val and some of her classmates there, and silvanus too! argh. yes, once again, will miss running into pple.
it was ndp rehearsal, and i stupidly suggested going to suntec to take a bus-_-. that caused some agony. finally we got there but about 45 mins late? bah. met xiz, leeting(!), hk (!) there. realised the psc pple were damn on too, had about 30 pple there. harhar we had... 6. tracy and junrong had joined us later. and rosanna even later.
ohoh here's the damn exciting part. i think all of us learnt how to cycle Hands-Free. thanks to ngiam. how damn cool is that. i think tracy has officially bai4 ngiam wei2 shi1 already. (he reveals his even mightier card tricks later on)
we cycled up and down, 4 laps altogether. in the middle we relaxed a bit and went sightseeing on bedok jetty=P there was a guy with lots of tattoos (who looked like he was gonna beat us up but that's irrelevant) who caught a snake i think..=S

and we watched the sunrise (tracy's photo)

(and planes) together. (i'm leeaving, on a jet plane..don't know when i'll be back again) and had breakfast. chris drove some of us to the mrt/home. Whoa. it doesn't really help to remember that like us, he hasn't slept and has been cycling from 11pm - 5.30am. harhar but c'mon, we should give the licensing authority some credit;)

25th july - but was thoroughly sick and weak today. sick and pampered.

26th july - ice skating day again! (tuesday). but i didn't go.. qq came over though! thanks for not minding my sniffles. we ate. and ate. yum. heheh hope you had fun. will miss you.

27th july - met ngiam ros josh tan tracy chris at chinatown for the concert. we wanted to do some shopping for a special someone whose bday was coming up;). then we went to the esplanade after our dinner at out of the pan at raffles city (some strange affiliation with it recently). we met mingjing too. AND AND i met jovina!!! heheheh it was sweet, hilarious. she's going to uk. anyway the concert, was good!! expensive. but good!! then we had dinner at at max brenner's. the hot mugs tasted Funny. mexican spices and chilli, java and orange peel. the suckao was Damn thick. =S.

28th july - veek's bday!

29th july - ah. jennie quah's bday. -hug-.
my first laptop arrived today. well, everyone's been naming their preciouses. i couldn't think of one so just used the ac boys' original "lappy". doesn't it remind you of a dog? yes that's what i would like...
i went for medical checkup in the morning. had lunch with the biopolis pple.
went for vick's chalet in the afternoon. fun! bbq-ed. ok They bbq-ed, i ate. and They mahjonged. christine and joanne came much later, and so some of us bridged instead. and then lihao and i left with christine and joanne soon after. bah. must say i was really impressed with justin's organisation. he really knew what he was doing, albeit being a little uptight (i told him i thought he sounded really cool and calm about the whole thing on yahoogroups, and got furious shakes of heads from sarah and vick harhar). the view was really good fromt he chalet. and then junrong proudly whipped out his $50 guitar and started playing, with a sea/beach/ubin/planes landing and taking off/tekong backdrop. aww man.
happy birthday man! it's so fun to be with you guys.

30th july - its 412 at sentosa! argh. i didn't go for the sentosa part, don't wanna recall the reasons why. well anyway, joined the girls for dinner. turn out was about... 16? not too bad. basically everyone was caught up with "hello!! where're you going when're you going what're you going to study".
went home with cai. gee can we talk=). hope it'll stay the same for us both cai, even after 3, 4, 9, 14 years..

1st august - kai's bday!

2nd august - finally finished digitalising my journal entries since..after As.
watch outing today!! went to jec at 10.40 as instructed (=P lihao, why so early!? oh make allowance for latecomers) basically there was no one there. lihao was there after i got my bank draft next door, then junrong and christine came, and ooi was woken up by lihao's phone call and in a semiconscious state. but yeah, he was coming.
we went upstairs and Whoa! i first spotted yonghe. then audry! then leeting!! psc pple are damn on. our 2 groups sized each other up and i believe was secretly impressed with the other's on-ness.
and then we went singing. christine is good!! junrong pls don't strain your voice next time=S it's hilarious but i'm sure it's uncomfortable for you. then ooi joshua came, and tianyi and vick much much later. it was damn funny before we left, we cheonged the remaining 10 songs, "quick quick sing two lines of each song!" and then there were the recalcitrant diehards who kept singing more than two lines even after veek gleefully and eagerly pressed "skip". we got to matrix 15 mins late=P
tea session was...interesting. settle the unsettled issues. i'm quite ashamed to say i don't mind being brainwashed. i believe none of this is my business actually.
and then this group of us went for dinner after tea session (oops. we just ate), and the other, larger group, went to jec for ice skating again. whoa! i will miss you guys for sure man.

3rd august - since i got my i20 yesterday, and got everything settled online last night, i visited the US embassy this morning. Don't go at 9am. go at 8. i was just too lazy to get up. bah. so i ended up going in at 9.20 and getting out at11.20. went fully psychologically prepared for qtns such as josh lim's "what made the pen drop?" and other weird recitations of "tell me about the theory of relativity". but all i got was "so you're an employee of astar? ("no....-some clarification-") what will you be studying? ok i've approved your visa." rather disappointing but Thanks!=)

4th august - deed signed. got a call at 10 in the morning to go down with my sureties at 5pm. Oops. when we got there (15 mins late!! tsk tsk. don't look at me though=S) i realised joshua tan shyhchang and their various sureties, and harwin were there already. (paiseh, guys). we signed! harhar. "sold!", in veek's famous line.

5th august - damn exciting day. but was lugging lots of stuff=(. picked up passport in the afternoon, bummed at coffee bean along orchard reading my book (time passed very slowly). at 6 i set off for orchard mrt, ran into leeting =) then went to serangoon, to zhihao's house for tennis with the rest. psyche up!! harhar i had a therapeutic time walking around being the ball girl. found out i've a bad sense of timing. then we made our way to sarah's house where we stayed over for the night. wah damn, i stayed up the whole night. dvds.
6th august - in the morning veek junrong chris and i set off for rj/j8. it's scholarship day. we had breakfast at j8, and then slowly made our way to rj. it was interesting, met chenglim, wenxian, teck tee at the very last minute. we went for the serc deputy director's talk. still the same, flamboyant engaging many facts and figures. it was good, seemed like i had more opinions about his presentation this time. -filled with hope and aspiration-. nah not quite there=P.
then rushed off to changi village at 11.30 (yes i was really pushing it). ran into teck tee on the way out and quite literally grabbed him for a shot. stop being so vain and combing your hair with your hands lar, it's Worse than it started harharhar=P supposed to meet hannah and co at 12. found out 12 was for lunch. boat left at 1++. =(.
so we took the boat for a while.. i love the sea. we got to the other side, cleared and took a few cabs (45 of us) up batu layar. which is about 10k south of desaru i found out. (all the pain we went through last time. this was so much easier). we got there at about 4, so we tanned and waited for the sun to set.
the sky was overcast in the east, so we had venus and jupiter left at dusk. interesting!! then the sky cleared a bit, and wow. wow i tell you. sagittarius scorpius summer triangle milky way were all out. and then they searched around for m57 27 11 .. albireo..hmm... some more.. some c object in scutum that had a magnitude of 8.2. harhar. random stuff that i recall. and then i KO-ed at about midnight. woke up intermittently coz i decided to stop being generous to the sandflies mosquitoes and jumped up and down. oo there's mars. oo now there's mars over there. then the sun came up again.

i missed andromeda(!) and mars (!!), with its polar caps in the rollsroyce-like 4" apochromatic. baaaaah. should've looked at some dso with the apo.
got to know more pple, sam, chris (with his homemade dobsonian/newtonian!! cool), this chinese couple who are from tianjin as well!! oh yeah this is the couple with the apo. the lady was very nice to me. she works at GIS, and her husband at ntu.
anyway the session wasn't very productive for me because i didn't really have an easily accessible telescope, and even if i did i'm not experienced enough to know what to look for. so i'd appreciate, a patch of mosquito- and sandfly-free ground to myself, a whole night (or more) to myself, a whole telescope and a star atlas to myself. clear and dark skies are essential too of course.
we came back the way we went, cabbed back with hannah and two others,got home unpacked and bummed. yay.

8th august - i'm such a good shopper. i go out, get everything settled in 2 hours. =) though i just found out i paid about $1.80 more for sth. @!$!%!#$^#$%. now all i have to do is..pack!=)
thanks for the portrait joshua =)

9th august - happy national day!
many pple came over. we ate alot. -_-.

10th august yes 4am i am quite dead. will there be a jetlag then, i wonder.

**
argh. why. warum bist du... it shouldnt' make a difference but i am affected.

it's so interesting how it's, well, "paid forward". a listening ear, to me, and then i am.
told you midnight conversations were...interesting (of which "nice" is a subset)

but yeah that was an interesting conversation. albeit a little =(, but considered pretty true. Oh Well. so much for "you can't do that!!".
hmm it's an intricate web btw. i know your secret, you know mine, i know his, he knows yours etc etc. harhar so amusing. i wonder hth we're gonna work together 3 (or worse, 9) years from now!! so paiseh after that. hmmm. either ways, these are Such interesting pple i tell you.

**
the key to being sunny (as an adjective). take everything lightly. take everything within your stride. no matter what anyone does, don't get mad don't get irritated Don't get bothered (i usually go by the "if i keep this on my mind i'm shortening my life by __ seconds"). usually that means don't formulate an opinion. or just don't trust anyone with that negative opinion of yours..
which contradicts myself just some time ago. i used to think this (the above) equals to fakeness. and i have this uncanny, gnawing suspicion i'm turning into what i really detested once upon a time.

i don't know. maybe one day i'll explode.

however, on the better hand, it might just be because i've a perfectly fine loving family, perfectly loving, reliable and worthy (in many aspects) network of friends. so i live a simple life where i dont' have to be self conscious all the time, and hide myself all the time.

(hence my dilemma..i guess the latter is real, and the former is .. fake. for new situations.)
**
so you're not ready.
OhWell. harhar. (that's sounds so convincing.=( )

2005-07-02T11:56:00.000-04:00

now, thursday. i was out again. for what i can't remember. oh yeah, the inter-ri sports prize presentation thing. dropped by imre first to go to biopolis with all of them. of course, i would call on diane=). pity joshua (lim) was out doing his visa stuff. but diane seemed to be enjoying every minute of her work, although teasing her about getting off at 6pm was still a joy for the rest of us=). (seeing her whiny=)
so we broke up into two groups and took cabs there (beekeen the perfectly spoilt girl=P)
when we got to matrix 4th floor the rest had started on the food. short presentation. ok, whatever, food. and even after i hung around alot...and... hmm.

friday, there was the oic meeting for the performance. tough. but i think if we break the group down it'll be more manageable. and that's what we intend to do on saturday evening.
it was a pretty eventful meeting. oh yeah before that we (yun and i) met up with josh (tan) manfred and junrong for lunch at moe.
after which, i was Driven to town! by yunlei!! first time. and she was such a smooth driver.
we met emily at lido, we ate and she ate Some More. i realise, it was the first time i met up with them simply just to hang around, eat etc. it was interesting=). yun vick josh etc were mahjonging at night! so fun right. they've done alot of things together=) happy that everyone's having so much fun. would've liked/would like to join them but it's a little stretchy for me. (and parents actually)

saturday (today), went to swim at yishun safra with jen and hon. like we used to. it's been such a long time since i've seen both of them (properly), jen esp. and we've only 4 more weekends left. after that met the song/instrumental group at city hall mrt. then we moved off to the rooftop at the esplanade. which turned out to be a good/bad idea coz ndp rehearsal was on. so many planes! helicopters, planes, jets, and many more types whose names belong to a department of vocabulary i am sorely destitute in. but it was touching to see the flag fly past. i stood up and watched it as it did so. and jumped up and down in excitement at all the other fighter jets doing acrobatics and climbing at 45degree angles into the clouds.
oh yeah. meeting. it was good! 1st rehearsal for girls at my house 9am wednesday. (this is a reminder for myself)

oh yeah, sagar left in the morning (6am=S). i didn't see him yesterday... was waiting for him to ring but was sorta occupied too..

**
on the 4th book!
**
thought i could keep my head up and my vision high and far. but slipping away! down.
am trying to be an introvert (=keeping things to yourself right?). i am half half. i figured out what this half-half means for me. not what i hoped, the "moderate and balanced" type, instead, the "extreme in different conditions" type.

i am going to sit back. relax. and wait.

it's tough to deal with feelings of insecurity (latent in the act of meeting new people). it's tough to feel, and take it within your stride the fact that, some people like you, and others simply don't. i guess you just have to... live with it. be thankful for the connections you do have, and don't ask for more.
**
versuch immer, eine bessere person zu sein. (aber nicht zu schwer)
**
you could be so much better, you could be so much more

2005-06-29T13:38:00.000-04:00

Shyh Chang says:
after a while, i realize biological science as a discipline has been nothing more than a haphazard collection of empirical facts, classified into categories based on relatively un-rigorous assumptions
Shyh Chang says:
yes, biology as a field, lacks the crystalline beauty of mathematics or physics.
Shyh Chang says:
but,
Shyh Chang says:
its sheer complexity, which begs for clearer (mathematical?) understanding, is an intellectual challenge that makes up for this present imperfection!

whoa!

harhar. midnight chats are so ...nice.

went out with emily on tuesday afternoon. we picked up (my) cert and yearbook from rj, pigged out in the basement of j8, and then watched "a lot like love". (amazing thing, hairstyles)

went to biopolis with tracy today. had lunch at moe with some of the attachment guys.

2005-06-24T08:40:00.000-04:00

Robert Gardner
I suppose I should wish you success, but that is really easy. I would like to wish you something that is harder to come by. So I am going to wish you meaning in life. And meaning is not something you stumble across like the answer to a riddle or the prize in a treasure hunt. Meaning is something you build into your life. You build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of human kind as it is passed on to you; out of your own talent and understanding, out of things and people you love, out of the values for which you are willing to sacrifice something. The ingredients are there. You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life. Let it be a life that has dignity and meaning for you. If it does, Then the particular balance of success or failure is of less account.

I finally found this.

obs was refreshing. maybe i've found what i've been needing.
(oh no, on a side note.)

2005-06-18T13:01:00.000-04:00

i'll be away at obs, 20th to 24th june.

i'm so worn, tired. i can't talk about it, and no one to talk to.
don't say anything.
"learn taciturnity and let that be your motto!" - robert burns.
"Learn to accept in silence the minor aggravations, cultivate the gift of taciturnity, and consume your own smoke with an extra draft of hard work, so that those about you may not be annoyed with the dust and soot of your complaints." - William Osler.

**
seabiscuit's pretty good so far. i seem to itch to own books that have a sufficient number of phrases/expressions that are worthy of ... immortality.

last weekend (11 & 12th), went to endau rompin with shifeng and her mom and her mom's colleagues. it was really nice (uh oh sounds exactly like desaru entry). i enjoyed the hiking, although i figured out towards the end that it would've been more enjoyable had i kept my mind occupied on sth. say an imaginary conversation or figuring out some problem or memorising something. we hiked forever to get to a waterfall and danach, a blue lagoon (photo on right). i enjoyed the boat ride the most. we saw elephant poo, plenty of it, along the trek. =S.
although it was a one-night stay, i got pretty used to the little 'merbau' hut by the next morning. and the insects crawling all over the floor. a great variety too. (i thought of serene. she would've screamed. no, she wouldn't have been there in the first place). surprisingly sweet sleep.
the next day we floated down the river in a canoe-raft.
the stars at night were good, but very limited field of view in the forest. oh yeah, i had to take a shower from a bucket. horrific, but what an experience. think i wasted alot of water. and the weather was bad. the weather was normal actually, it's so humid and hot, and so very conducive for sitting at the doorway and rotting your life away.
before long we were on our rickety way out of the nature reserve. i felt a little sad looking back at the neatly cropped border of the nature reserve as we left. a slight reluctance to return to reality.

so monday (13-170605, that's today!) on we had a whole week of predeparture courses. they're pretty nice, i enjoyed the mbti alot (ESTJ. outspoken And ruthless. but i'm only "slight" for ES and moderate for TJ, so no fear.), the activities and the speaker (was good). serenity in times of turmoil, she was like.
highlights were in the evenings.
tues, sagar arrived! met up with xiz first. good to see her. and sagar, a little taller, a little darker (or is it my poor memory), still an extremely indian accent harhar (or is it my poor hearing). i'm pretty surprised at how...normal i was. ah well, people grow up. hopefully.
wed, so in the evening went out with sagar, and his 'cousin' (his bro-in-law's cousin). we had ice kachang at cine, while waiting for xiz. we did manage to meet her in the end, before the sagar and his cousin went off for dinner with their family at serangoon. i sent xiz off, and hung around kino.
thurs. after predepart, went out with 11 others, impromptu, to lido to watch sth. in the end 9 of them watched batman and tianyi shifeng and i watched mr n mrs smith. was good i must say. so, glad i listened to xiz and went for it even though we were the minority. they're a pretty fine bunch of pple.
fri (170605), i finished slightly earlier, but still kept sagar his cousin and xiz waiting for a while. this was supposed to be real hang out day. we went ice skating. i enjoyed it, for the first time possibly. but still very unseasoned. then we went to suntec, sagar got his coloured contacts. then we went to the esplanade, merlion park..and home. sagar and his cousin going to KL (on saturday) for a while and cambodia after that. tempted to be envious.
so tired out today.

so yes, next mon to fri i'll be away. hope to take the chance to relax. go with the flow man.
happy 20th birthday, in advance.

2005-06-12T12:38:00.000-04:00

"we really ought to round up all the passengers," he said, "and ask each of them if they can tell us why they are living. Those who cannot answer we simply throw overboard."
"What about the children?" I asked.
"They pass the test with flying colours."

**
"Time doesn't pass, ..., and Time doesn't tick. We are the ones who pass, and our watches tick. Time eats its way through history as silently and relentlessly as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. It topples great civilisations, gnaws at ancient monuments, and wolfs down generation after generation. That's why we speak of the 'ravages of time.' Time chews and chomps - and we are the ones between its jaws."

**
"It was the same with everything - with the whole world, I thought to myself. As long as we are children, we have the ability to experience things around us - but then we grow used to the world. To grow up is to get drunk on sensual experience."

**
"I sat thinking how terribly sad it was that people are made in such a way that they get used to something as extraordinary as living. One day we suddenly take the fact that we exist for granted - and then, yes, then we don't think about it any more until we are about to leave the world again."

2005-06-08T23:19:00.000-04:00

i'm really confused. i can't decide whether i feel good or bad about the people around me, nor myself. i don't know what kinda person i wanna or should be. i'm not me.!
i'm scared=(. things should stay the same.

xu xu left yesterday morning. shifeng bena and i sent her off. i barely sent her off. =(.

2005-06-05T12:10:00.000-04:00

time to feel bad again. don't understand, it's been a happy day, should be a happy day. but inevitably a sense of. loneliness. maybe overdose of food.

went for the harmoc exchange thing at braddell heights. it was very nice. .... sorry i sound so sian right. but just that i have no other word in my vocabulary right now.
we sat through the whole concert (almost 3 hours) though grace teck tee and kitling's item was the 3rd. then grace kitling and i went out for dinner. jap. and we gossipped.
speaking of which. weili!! =(. oh no. it wasn't That kp what!! hmmph.

yesterday i went to east coast with eesang. but pc was not open although said it was open so we sat there and talked and waited and ate then we went to change coz we gave up but when we came out we saw boats coming back in darn. heheh no punctuation so fun. i feel like valerie, going all zonkie deep in the night. we went to town and watched madagascar together. it was magic how we both had that expectant look on our faces after i said "i really wanna watch..." and we both shouted, madagascar! and highfived.

so damn hilarious.
well, not the show. to tell the truth i got sick of laughing some parts in between, because it was so predictable. and very slapstick, literally. quality of humour is really dang. was hoping to see sth reminiscent of ... shrek/incredibles? but its ok, pretty fun show.

**
it's been so long.
i'm apprehensive. i don't know where i'm heading.
erzaehl mir.
and i think of all those pple who dont' seem to like me. don't know why. its just very occasional i think about this..but.
i know my friends will start comforting me, i know it's temporary. but sometimes you just need somewhere..to write it out.
wo bist du denn.! wenn du gebraucht bist.
hmm. must keep up the deutsch.

looking forward to sagar's visit. see if things have changed. in my recollection we understood one another well.

na jiu zhe yang ba! thank chenglim for such a nice song. improved taste eh.=)

next week will be busy. after that 2 weeks busy. there's no time for myself anymore.

2005-05-29T10:49:00.000-04:00

ok am back from nice nice desaru. had fun. (half of) the sky was pretty. (the other side was drowned by this irritating glaring lamp from the poolside). very thankful how kind dr chan and mr au were.
we did lots of activities. the quiz was fun. i made 10 odd mosquitoes full and happy.
not really in a mood to write. but yeah it was really nice.
applying lessons i learnt, Now.

vexed and snappy. post-holiday stress, possible.
als ob ich niemand? mit dem ich spreche kann, habe.
als ob ich nicht bedeute.

i'm suddenly quite stressed, short of time.

quick, i need a role model.

2005-05-25T07:53:00.000-04:00

dear all,
i'll be away from this fri morning to sun afternoon. don't miss me!

yuhsin left for taiwan today. (yes yes i will remember the photos. sheesh)

i overslept hannah shifeng yuhsin and my (collectively, "our") macritchie hike on monday. =S. but i cut in from rifle range and joined them after their lunch, after which we trekked all the way to bt panjang (hotness!) and went to yuhsin's house. then we watched 4 episodes of CSI-_-. yuying was home too. then i asked the zoo pple to come for dinner (jiao zi) at (my) home. so bena and xu xu and hannah and yuhsin came over and we all had dinner together. awwwww.

2005-05-19T00:09:00.001-04:00

oh my goodness. xiz says sagar is coming on 15th june. so so exciting!=). heheheh. can gossip with him again. awww.

yesterday i had NUS tea session. grace wendy and shifeng were all there. but otherwise i didn't recognise too many pple. (must always keep in mind what shifeng warns...NO negatives.) it was um..like a lecture. we came out and ate lar. we told grace we were there to eat the food (and get away from the other side of NUS=P). we saw alot of rj seniors outside (eating the food), they're in med now. speaking of which, i am told med results are out tmr. GOOD LUCK to all of you. i eagerly await your good news.
after that grace shifeng and i walked alllllll the way up to yusof ishak house to go to munchie monkey for that delicious brownie, BUT it was closed for a function-_- for 3 hours at lunch time-_- which is inclusive of the time we reached. but nonetheless grace treated us to a tiramisu + a brownie. they were good, but urgh there goes my calorie allowance for half a day. (i am simply Watching my diet).

today=(. firstly, some of the girls are watching star wars without me. =(. but it's in the afternoon lar so not their fault=P Then. cai is gonna cancel our dinner date, despite her nick being "sixuan is free, date me".=(. and emily too. i was all dressed up lar, and nowhere to go. damn Sad. nvm i'll see them on sat.
tomorrow's harmoc concert, yay! with so many pple too. hannah, shifeng.. and i haven't seen chenglim in a while too. and hannah says its astro j2 farewell, so maybe we can pop by and steal food. considering we didn't have a farewell, they should change it to astro j2+3 farewell, and hence i believe we are fully justified to do so (steal food).
saturday's 412 at sentosa day. after that we're going to kai's. that'll be fun=) but i'm not sure yet whether i can stayover..hopefully. actually changing it to saturday was good for me, coz shifeng's concert it at 7pm. and since she lives at eunos it's alot easier for me.
i hope central catchment on monday is still on. yes hannah?
and next friday to sunday, desaru! yay=) so i'm still wondering whether zhen chang sent in his cheque. grace: "you're hoping he hasn't right=P". but she also said, "it's just coz when he's with teck tee". well i Certainly hope so.

and june is even Worse. hai. so much time gone by. i'm gonna miss this time.

ok yeah i'm at work. i came in at 11 today-_- but i asked my supervisor whether it's ok to come in late, he says it's ok=). or maybe i just wanted a peace of mind.. ok stop giving me that look, i've got good news =P. i have a "project"! ah finally. but i don't know where to start. at least i feel like there's a purpose now.=). bad news. i might have to stay long long.

yes weekend. komm schneller bitte!

**
when in doubt, keep your mouth shut.
**
don't be true.

2005-05-17T07:03:00.000-04:00

damn.
be back in 4.

2005-05-12T12:40:00.000-04:00

Your dating personality profile:

Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active.
Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.
Shy - You are often timid around others, though you will open up when the right person comes along.

Your date match profile:

Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind.
Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Athletic
2. Practical
3. Shy
4. Liberal
5. Adventurous
6. Intellectual
7. Wealthy/Ambitious
8. Traditional
9. Big-Hearted
10. Sensual

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Practical
2. Intellectual
3. Adventurous
4. Shy
5. Athletic
6. Big-Hearted
7. Wealthy/Ambitious
8. Traditional
9. Sensual
10. Stylish

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

stole from cornylamer. shhh

2005-05-11T11:40:00.000-04:00

wed 110505
well i've had two nice days of rest at home=) so just now my mom and i met up with xu xu for dinner. well she's leaving, soon. i'm quite positive it's the last time we'll be with her in singapore, at least. (ok well, there's sending her off.)
tues 100505
hehe. $$! good luck to my student for her amaths mid year tmr.=S
then there was inter-research institute badminton. finals. as predicted, we, the girls' team won. but i didn't do anything lar=P
DSI guys. whoa. two lessons i learnt. don't mess with malaysians. don't mess with japanese. they are so...hardworking and deteremined. very impressive.
and it's strange, you know how you get a feeling when you first meet someone and decide whether you like him/her or not. for me it's too strong to deny.
mon 090505
i think i didn't do much at work... (minesweeper and msn. -looks to air-)
oh i visited the lab downstairs, and another upstairs. woohoo? just let me go home..OH YEAH. AND TOTALLY DISGUSTED.
oh yeah, plenty of pple had med interview. too bad i couldn't meet up with em and hon! was looking forward to it the whole day (the only thing to keep me going=P) but no worries, another time
sun 080505
went for the adler trio harmoc concert with grace. and alot of her harmoc juniors n seniors...=S. but she was so nice, always sat with me. (oh yeah and she got plenty of good news, am very happy that things are working out for her). sigh to ttt and zhenchang. who still hasn't sent out the desaru cheque. but i'm quite impressed with him (zhen chang). ttt reminded him that he owed me $, and that was what he did first thing, return me the $, when he met us outside vch. hmmm and something he said unnerved me (why he's going)... maybe he Is right. then i'd be sad..=(. speaking of which, wth is wrong with you. i'm gonna put that barrier up (as i normally do) between us from now on. back to square Zero. and so i'm not gonna be further bothered by the trip.

last week
sunday may 1st
eh what happened in the week before. -time has ceased to have meaning- whoa. scary=S.
well the thing i remember most clearly was class gathering on 1st may of course. 3f came over to my house. 20/26 were here=) (i just know 6 pple weren't present, but i'm still quite undecided as to whether we had 26 pple in the first place..enlighten me. how come i think it's 25..) it was nice to see everyone, and it was really great (i must emphasise again) how so many of us turned up and could celebrate eric hon xu xu shulin (she came too! and qq.) and...ah yingheng (may)'s birthdays, as well as, well, see qq and xu xu before they fly off back to china.
but um. funny season of. nottalkingness. -raise eyebrow-
some of them stayed over (xuxu hon bena yingheng hk), and we had breakfast in the morning. eh i spent very long studying m16 and "file formation". -beam-. i'm as good as a one week old recruit. -BEAM-. (and for the record, one more term: ND)(it's so interesting=(. too bad i'm not a guy. ok but all of them say i have um. an alternative view of the military which may not be fantastically veritable (correct word or not=S). i sorta believe them. but i still think an experience is an experience, not like my experience of bumming away and filling my adipose cells with triglyceride molecules..). ANYWAY. oh yeah qianli came over from camp, after his extra,(so that makes it 21/26 "present"!) in the morning for breakfast with us. (-looks into air. again.- i have my reservations. =) and we met up with jen at yishun safra. and didn't do much basically. harhar.
sat 300404
oh yeah, on the sat before class outing, i went cycling at ubin with shifeng. it was quite nice, but i really have to say, i'm not that appreciative of ubin's nature=(. mud and more mud...=S. i think it might have sth to do with that beautiful river in nz (see below. my first pic posting..yay-_-). but i'm behind all efforts of conservation. funny, how i had to jump down at Nearly the base of every intimidating slope to start pushing my bike up. on a more optimistic side, see, i know my limits=)
there was a dutch couple, plus the guide, plus us. the guide is from ri n rj (rj class of 92-93 or sth like that. so amusing. i am proud to say i am from a very modern era of 03-04, soon to be replaced by 04-05s. frown. anyway, he works for . err. i forgot what. not NEA and not nparks. environmental sth sth...=S. and he reminded me of lloyd (who now works opp shifeng's lab under a rather cute german from dresden=)glee.). i see shifeng furiously shaking her head away in disapprobation.
after cycling we had lunch together in ubin village. hmm...nice place, faces the sea, near the jetty, plenty of places to eat, wildboar somemore. and the irony was, we didn't go dutch! harhar ok lausig. like shifeng mentioned in her post about this, the dutch lady is a cat lover. my eyes almost popped out and my jaw fell as she took out a ziplock of catfood for this cat we met on the road. and she works closely with AVA. the rest i didn't catch. but she was nice. independent, tough, capable, not afraid to speak out, and definitely as intelligent as the next man. (i really mean man).
ok then i was half dead and i took the mrt home after we bumboated back from ubin to changi village.
fri 290405
harharhar. almost booted out of the conference room on the 22nd floor of defence tech tower b. "ok..any qtns? -looks left, looks right. silence- ok thank you for coming", 5 mins after i entered. ah well.
i went down to 9th to look for shengwei/zhengwei (i forgot already=SS paiseh) again. and i saw khoon kiat coming out from cpc. wth!. ok he wasn't as surprised as i was, fine. anyway cmu for comp engine, good for him! no sign of other guy i was looking for, so i went down to 5th to look for gerald. who made me wait. and wait. and wait. (but it's ok lar=) (there's radio music coming out of the lift well=SS i was quite freaked and hid very far from the lift lobby..). then he ran out with a remote control in his hand, told me, 5 more mins, and ran back in. so i waited some more. harhar it's quite amusing. he makes -shhhh..looks around to make sure no one looking- propagandistic videos! and he's still so tall...duh.-_-
so we had lunch at that place "with ok food but no aircon". very long lunch=S. but i really enjoyed talking to him=) as always. i hope you get your moe teaching and your japan, and i am in reverence of your courage "to do something different". i believe you'll find fulfilment in it.

ok afternoon there was tea session but i went to 4th floor of centros, BTI, to bug shifeng.=) so nice of her to entertain me=). All the Time.

ok everything else before this is unrecallable. my short-termed, detailed memory bank is just like my long-term one: it's of a fixed size, so i have to keep shifting it forward to the latest frames and erase the previous ones which have been moved out.

and, i don't write well=( (but i certainly write long!). darn how to improve.
**
sigh. it's not smooth sailing at all but i can't complain (i just sigh). i'm very fortunate. (quick say yes, both of you. i wanna be more fortunate if it's not too much to ask=P harhar okok i will not push it)
**
i have this funny feeling that i'll have to start choosing a set of personalities to face what's up. hmmm.
oberflächlich! nicht!! remind yourself.
**
if you can do it to all them you can do it to me too. sigh i don't know. i wanna run, i wanna hide. but it doesn't seem possible. but it's alright, you learn something from anything you go through.
anticipation, apprehension..
**
I Really Don't Get It. how could you POSSIBLY have. that was really poor judgement on your part. disappointing.
**
does it always have to be like that. you only aspire after those who don't treasure or respect you. and if you wanna be treasured and respected, you always have to compromise with that certain something gnawing you at the back of your mind/heart.
**
**
harhar entschuldigung. alot of things cannot be stated explicitly..that's why the blog's only ancillary to a record of my life. and ESPECIALLY what happened to ahem. read feng's blog on "be careful what you blog".
and it's not always about a guy=). (like the "you always make me laugh!=)" in my msn nick. it was about emily!=)

DSCN2671

2005-05-08T01:21:00.000-04:00

=) -bows-

2005-05-03T23:12:00.000-04:00

will update on week. later. =P

courtesy of kristin:
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE

Name: Sunny
Birth date: Nov 4
Birth place: Tianjin
Current Location: Singapore
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: black
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE

Your heritage: Chinese
Shoes you wore today: barefooted.
3 things i did today: go online. eat. eat some more.
Your fears: height.insects.growing up (and pple getting engaged....)
Your perfect pizza: not crazy about them

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW

Your most overused phrase: "oh sh*t."
Your thoughts first waking up: "oh sh*t. it's morning."
Your best physical feature: =) give some suggestions. i sorely lack ideas.
Your best time: 1-3am
Your most missed memory: friends in school.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK

Pepsi or Coke: neither
McDonald's or Burger King: burger king
Single or group dates: single (but scared.)
Adidas or Nike: shoes nike, apparel adidas
Lipton Tea or Nestea: no nestea here! and i don't like lipton.
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: no
Take showers: jawohl
Have a crush(es): eh. not for now.=)
think you've been in love: no
Like(d) high school?: yes, quite alot actually.
Want to get married: not at 18/19..
Get motion sickness: yes. reading smses in the car/bus makes me so
Think you're a health freak: health conscious.
Get along with your parents: yes. except when we shout at one another.
Like thunderstorms: yes
Play an instrument: yes

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH

Drank alcohol: no
Gone on a date: no
Gone to the mall: yes
been on stage: no
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no way..
Eaten sushi: no
Gone skating: sheesh you should extend it to the past SIX months. no.
Had a tan: YES! i went cycling at ubin with feng=).
Dyed your hair: nope.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER

Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no
Changed who you were to fit in: perhaps...
Age you hope to be married: 23. =). bet you didn't know that.
Children: eventually
Describe your dream wedding: small. fast. (get it over and done with). not too ex=P but Must be romantic and memorable.
How do you want to die: i don't. (kristin's. harharharhar). mine: peacefully and knowing people around me are sad to see me go and will miss me but that they are glad that i've lived my life so well and so full. and that i deserve the break.
What do you want to be when you grow up: lots of things.

LAYER NINE: IN A GUY

best eye color?: sparkling blue. =P but back to reality: brown-_-.
best hair color?: brown/black
Short or long hair: SHORT PLS
Height: >180
Best first date location: cosy and comfortable. and food. and music.
Articles of clothing: not too little.=S

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS

Number of shoes: about 3 pairs of sneakers and 2 pairs of sandals. one for each occasion=)
Number of bags: sports bags, backpacks, one petite little handbag that obviously doesn't hold much stuff. so useless.
Number of CD's i own: uh. 10 or so.
Number of piercings: 2
Number of tattoos: 0

Your True Birth Month Is November

Patient
Secretive
Romantic
Inquisitive
Trustworthy
Determined
Hardworking
High-spirited
High abilities
Unpredictable
Never give up
Sharp thinking
Thinks forward
Always thinking
Motivates oneself
Loves to be alone
Has a lot of ideas
Difficult to fathom
Extraordinary ideas
Unique and brilliant
Brave and generous
Well-built and tough
Careful and cautious
Dynamic in personality
Deep love and emotions
Uncertain in relationships
Honest and keeps secrets
Can become good doctors
Less talkative but amiable
Stubborn and hard-hearted
Fine and strong clairvoyance
Not able to control emotions
Does not appreciates praises
Thinks differently from others
If there is a will, there is a way
Hardly become angry unless provoked
Knows how to get secrets out of others

What's Your True Birth Month?

2005-04-25T22:05:00.000-04:00

"And it's not a pile.."
omg-_- laugh/cry. quote-of-the-day-MAN.

let's see, what's up this week!
yesterday, boring. at least i came in at abt 10am so my day was very much shortened=) 8.30 to 6 is really unbearable.
tues today. was supposed to go to school to do 3 things. but because one isn't working out, i gotta go back tmr. oh well makes no diff to me. (really.)
badminton later. i'm quite tired of going again n again. hurry up and end lar.
planned for the rest of the week:
wed. go back to school, get/pass stuff, meet christine, meet mr au after work to pass him the stuff. looking forward to the trip. it'll be a first astro trip for me!
thurs. no plans.
fri. OFF from work. to go for interview at cmpb/dttB in the morning. after which i've arranged for lunch with gerald=). its wonderful to meet up with friends. and in the afternoon it's tea session at matrix. and i get to see more friends of course. then relax for the rest of the day. sounds like the best day of the week.
sat. Possibly going ubin with shifeng for pedal ubin. yahoo. but as always, concerned abt what parents will say.
sun! tuition first (groan), then....3F GATHERING!!. note to self: after getting pay, go to IMM.
grace n hannah are going to gunung sth over the weekend. 2 (or 3) days of climbing a mountain, for $65! some singapore adventurer's club. fun eh. (little voice at the back of the head: parents'll say no)
next mon: (still a holiday. yay.) go out with poor jen. who will teach me charting routes on a large map. kbox=).

last week: friday i went back to school with hannah for astro/collecting forms on friday night. some relief from work. but uh. uh. uh. i was reminded of how painful astro was, at painful times. but kenneth n bc, the most hilarious pair.
sat evening went out with val kai jen and hon, to pre-celebrate hon's birthday of course. we sorta ate, chatted lots. i'm quite certain 3 years ago we'd never have imagined what we'd be talking about now, that night. it seems like everyone's going their own way. it's sad, but i'm happy for everyone. it suddenly struck me that we're rather different, wir werden jede irgendwer sein. but i am so glad and enchanted our paths crossed, once. and i know very well that further down the road we'll still be in touch.

meanwhile. i 'm done with everything i'm supposed to do, but don't dare to show the guy=P (that's why i'm blogging).
ok talk about kristin. she's so nice she wrote me a testimonial. i should do the same=) she would be pleased. but i can't seem to find good stuff to say... just kidding=). where're you when you're needed!! i'm boring myself to death=(. ich langweile mich.

happy birthday hon. 7th year into our friendship.

-run off to play notpron till somebody takes notice of/scolds/opens the door on me.still stuck on 8 though-

2005-04-20T02:59:00.000-04:00

one of those breathtaking moments. that's what it was as i walked up the hill to the carpark just.
blue sky white fluffy clouds. strong breeze that occasionally smelled salty and sea-ly. absolute perfect day for the beach.there were 3 eagles/kites, a family perhaps, circling above. masters of the sky indeed, with 2 of them performing acrobatics (must be the kid irritating his mom) midair. i unplugged my ears of my music to hear them screech (is there a nicer word). a beautiful day.
or it could be i treated myself to mac's for lunch=)

otherwise quite sian. i've been changing a few thousand "CPE4R"s to "CPS4R"s over the past 3 days. basically highlight E and type S. -_-. i think i'm gonna get wrist-itis soon. keep in mind the big picture sonnig, keep in mind the big picture. (Don't ask me what it is danke schoen)

on a few lighter notes, must thank jy for the nice and awwwww testimonial she wrote. sth cheery on a less than cheery day (yesterday). oh yeah, under brutal threats of force, i Insist that my previous post about kristin wasn't composed Out of my own free will. (huh who says "composed in my own free will"...)
-greater glee-

and qq and feng are coming over for dinner today=) and feng is staying over!
astar interview tmr. jitters. fingers n toes crossed. die daumen druecken! oh usp interview last friday was hilarious though, apart from my shooting myself in the foot.
"ok in this case we'll recommend a rejection..."
ok ciao gotta type more "S"s to replace "E"s.

2005-04-14T01:08:00.000-04:00

kristinkristinkristin. happy?
hello serene!

hmm...monday night i went for atempoXV because teck tee's j1 bought a ticket but couldn't make it. it was pretty good. i thought, hey isn't that shifeng performing (alumni item), but couldn't be sure. so i glued my eyes to the bassist in order to catch her going off stage. harhar and after that i was sure it was her. so i met up with her after the show. =). sweet.

tues...i went back to school to visit teachers in the morning. good to see them. mr wong was (pleasantly) surprisingly talkative. met mrs lim and ms lee too, just not mr khoo (but i saw him at band concert) nor mr chan. met juniors of course, happily gave out the kitkat i bought. and christine was having lunch. i owe her more choc!

went for the dms simulation test in the afternoon. popped into cpc on 9th floor just before going up to the 22nd. luck has it, i spotted zhengwei (from monday. see, all my groupmates so nice. hon is envious heheh). how nice=) the simulation test was bad. during the group discussion i kept my mouth shut 95%, or more, of the time. which is actually an accomplishment too i think=). i met zhenling. that was really nice.
when i came out of this tower b place i met gerald! "i always see you online, but you never talk to me!!" -indignant indignant-. i Wasn't the one who said it=P.

after that was badminton..damn sad the guys are kicked out Again. they're not lousy. they're just..i don't know.

wed. which is yesterday. um. absolutely nothing happened.
thurs. which is today. absolutely nothing happening again, just KRISTIN bugging me to blog. ABOUT HER.
OH. wait no, lots of things happening.
1. good on you shifeng!
2. shifeng coming later at 3.30. yay.
3. tianjiao leaving=(..
4. leeting leaving=(..but she'll be back. tianjiao won't be. probably.
5. dental and badminton. bored.

ok i feel bad, i must write nice things about kristin. she's such a nice girl. this is hard. ok bis naechstes mal=P

2005-04-09T09:32:00.000-04:00

yes i really need to update my blog.

as of late. um. well, friday was both adeline and xu xu's birthday (happy 19th and 20th birthdays!). thurs night i went out with adeline to cine to catch "be cool". it was pretty hilarious, i think we both enjoyed it, laughed through it=). i was rather confused and probably need "revision" to have an overview of the whole thing, of chili's schemes. but it's good to meet up with friends.

friday. i .. went to imre late=P by abt an hour. but heheh i always choose the darn good days to be late (or is it because my supervisor never seems to be around in the mornings). and went off early, by abt an hour=). i think i'm losing his trust but um... um........

so i left early, went back to imm, bought that nice not-too-sweet, not-too-creamy cake from polar, took 66 to bt timah, walked into nanyang boarding, and alas xu xu was out for dinner (at seoul garden/swensens. actually i did my research prior to that, by casually asking her how she was celebrating. i also asked tian jiao whether he was "sure that xu xu is at nanyang boarding". he: "en. i am sure until last week". hilarious tianjiao, as always). so i left the cake there. ;) happy.
and then i was pretty proud of myself. it was 6.45pm, i was supposed to get to yio chu kang at 7.15 to meet the astro pple, and hannah. like No way am i gonna get there right. so i hailed a cab straight down the road to newton mrt. the cab driver was pro. he manoveured his vehicle so smoothly and confidently. i would've been stuck at that jam at the newton circus roundabout for 5 mins if not for him. and i arrived nicely on time at yio chu kang=). but we still waited till 7.25. well so when we got there there were...20 of us? so dr chan said to split into two groups, so that the observatory can accommodate us. but only 3 guys wanted to have dinner. then chor yen appeared out of nowhere, followed by yee onn(=)). so the rest went ahead first while we went to macs.

for the record, here are the names i remember from the previous nyp talk (about 3 weeks ago) and from this: ivan vanessa tianhao, vipul the vs guy brimming with ideas, george the quiet, lion dance one, and .. uh oh. jie sth. sth jie. =S

so then we went up as well, didn't know the observatory could fit so many pple. the telescope wasn't working! very very sad, esp towards 9+pm because the sky was really clearing and everything was beautiful.

it was good to see dr chan, always so passionate what he does. this time we had a much better time..well...talking. i think it's because i'm alot more grown up than i was in sec 3, and i can start to appreciate some of the things he say. like last time during the nyp quiz (for which we attended the lecture portion), i was talking to him about mcgill, and he said he was a visiting scholar there once (so he was talking about how it's like). oh here i must talk about...

Public lectures and talks:
By Professor Jocyelyn Bell
Date: 5 May 2005
Time: 2.30pm ~ 3.30pm
Venue: LT31, NUS
Title: to be supplied.
Abstract: to be supplied.

She's the one discovered the pulsar. so come over whoever's interested! and meet me!

anyway we left at about 10+ and hannah and i cabbed back.

so today, hannah leeting xiz jiahui and i were supposed to go for the nparks amazing race thing, but since we only had 5 pple we were prob disqualified. so we disqualified ourselves first. so this morning leeting and i arranged to meet at the nj bus stop to go to macritchie=). ah, a day with nature, how wonderful.
about 20 mins before i reached the nj stop xu xu msged, very happily, and that makes my day too. i told her we were going to macritchie and asked if she wanted to join us. she said she'd meet me at the nj bus stop. =). and then i saw her coming, and harhar we started running towards each other (forgive us it's been what, one month since we last saw each other), like bollywood shows. and we chatted for quite a while, while waiting for leeting. finally she had to rush off for her tuition (at tampines! horrendous). so she boarded 67, and off came leeting from the other door. a succession of friends.

so leeting and i landed somewhere with the road on our right and trees and trees and more trees on our left. so we walked down towards the entrance, and walked, and walked...and walked. ok we talked too. it's quite amazing. there was probably not more than a minute and half's silence between us throughout the whole um, first 12km, safely said. so 6km was spent walking to the tree top walk, and 6km from there to the rifle range flyover (over bke). after that we followed a nonexistent/invisible kampong trail that was supposed to lead to bt timah reserve. that consisted of us seeing water pipes (which hannah described), getting excited, and walking in that deep drain down and up the slopes. that was...bad. insects flying around, a stream of water (thank goodness it hadn't rained). but what an experience. and at the end of the stepped drain we found two dark big holes=SS OH yeah. i swear i will never watch a horror movie again, after watching ju-on at yunlei's 412 chalet. wth. subject yourself to that kind of torture. so i'm really quite scared now. and YESTERDAY at nanyang poly, there was these metal steps which lead up to the roof (you can see through behind them, there are gaps, so good that i was wearing pants.) so i had been talking about horror movies, and yee onn was at the back, and actually switched off the light in an attempt to well, be a nuisance. i wasn't scared lor.
okok after the two big holes (i quickly got out of the way of that by climbing Out of the drain). we heard a bad cackling sound. cockatoos! a pair of them! could almost see their yellow mohawks. and they peered down scrutinisingly from the bare tree branch 20m from the ground when i tried to pretend to be one of them. the funness of being out. in a nature reserve.
then we followed swiss club rd all the way out to the big field opp 6th avenue, along bt timah rd/dunearn rd. not bad! hon had called us to watch a show with her and jen (who's Finally out, after 3 weeks. poor girl) at 3.20 at cine. so we quickly went to ting's house, she bathed and changed, and we went out again.
so we watched the pacifier. its um...well...very slapstick. um...funny, lots of laughter from the audience..but..slapstick. humour-wise i thought be cool was much more, well, cliched until its actually hilarious. but of course action-wise this was pretty cool. i liked it when this lt wolfe guy was fighting the ninjas and he swung over the edge of the staircase railing on the 2nd floor, over the outside of the 2nd floor. nice. effortless looking. (that's the way) his one arm pushups were much more unconvincing...he looked like his vein was gonna pop. acting wise...err...sorry can't tell.

ok so i'm back from going to city hall with jen and hon to pick up jen's pretty new navy uniform. (1? 2?) and back from dinner with hon, which lasted quite a while coz we talked about so many things=)

well it's a good day, but i'm slightly irritated, and prone to angrily snapping. (maybe coz of the 16km. not as fit i'd like to be after all)

tmr going for drums and Then, i'm taking a sec 3 for a, emaths. ! exciting. the pay's "pathetic", apparently, but i'm in for it for the experience. ahem, for More experience. harhar. my goal for her is to be an individual learner and thinker, able to identify her own weaknesses and subsequently work on them in order to be stronger. i.e. i need her to be able to survive after 3 months without a tutor coz i need to flee liao. ciao!

2005-03-11T11:22:00.000-04:00

i realise, a lot of adult males need to be idolised and worshipped. but sometimes, you've GOTTA think, "what do i have that's worth idolising?"
no wonder a quarter of rgs girls don't get married. i really don't think it's their/our fault.
and i have a fun time imagining what their wives are like.
(sorry dudes)

hai. i'm not so strong after all; i've logged on to e-messenger at least twice=(. harhar heck. and i have seti@home to accompany me throughout the day. all the spikes and noises. at least it's colourful.

heyhey jennie quah's out tonight! and hon's at mt ophir right now. or on her way, with the odac pple=) wow. hmmm, christelle leaving on sunday night, jennie for hongkong on sunday morning (wah! have fun).
i had a long day at work, as usual. ok lar it was effectively 2 hours shorter than a normal day coz i came in 1.5 hours late and fridays end at 5.30=). and then i went for a ntu astrophotog talk with hannah and yenyeong. i just got back. tomorrow's exciting. did i tell you i'm starting on my first drum lesson? =) yuhsin is (really) joining me. AFTER WHICH, i'm having an inter-RI (research institute, yes i thought it was -that- too). oh not yet. competition is next next week. but instead, badminton training for upcoming inter-RI competitions. next week's table tennis competition. (harharharharhar.har.) about time. i've gained almost 2kg. ($%^%&#$^%$#&^*&%)
and hopefully i'll be meeting jen sometime between drum and badminton. =)
i had a relatively bad day but i've kept my spirits up!surprisingly. it now takes me....hmmm. 10 mins to get over unpleasant events. not bad eh, big improvement.

pooped.
yeah i've got nothing more to say. work ar? work....is a big mess. alot of things going on in my head, i can't keep track of all of them (all of what i'm supposed to do), so many questions, so few answers, so many junctions all of which i try to walk through to the end, AT THE SAME TIME. i can't express it in words...too many things happening at a go. oh well. patience.
hmm personal life? nothing interesting lar, as usual. not as interesting as somebody. pple still pissed at me are still pissed at me. when i'm back from work i sit and rot in front of the comp/tv. explains the weight gain. and the oily food at nus business.
ok i apologise, i REALLY have nothing to say.

bis später! ciao! (certo, vedo, mi dispiace. vielen dank yuhsin)

2005-03-03T21:48:00.000-04:00

hi..it's 9.50am 4th march.=S. get to slack at 10 until 11.30, which is when i'll leave nus and join the 412 girls at bishan. *cross fingers* wanna go for astro tonight.

well i'm horribly stuck at work (122 fatal errors). now i know why the tall bald heavily bearded arab doctor (harhar thank goodness he's on the other side of the room) keeps sighing heavily. i just did that.

wanna hear about new zealand=)? jein jein? harhar too bad i gotta go. and i haven't finished my journal on the trip either.

hello hon! hello jin! hello h!=) my only 3 viewers. not even sure about the last, right?

astro astro here i come!!!=S.

2005-02-02T10:05:00.000-04:00

many things have happened. harhar that doesn't help=)
if i can blog all abt them (don't worry i write everything down=) before friday night, good for all of us. if not, wait till i come back from my holiday on valentine's=) ("mwa i will miss you too" to all those who will miss me, esp on valentine's=) all girls harhar. wah such a good mood dunno why.)
tena koe! um. something oreo ingarihi. and the cute boy/girl one.

ok briefly then. i've been going out with friends..swimming tennis rollerblading. mainly jen and hon. oh yeah jen went in. awwww. harhar=) hon and i visited her last sat at safti. nice=) not so nice to her. i swear, if only i had two lives. i'd spend one of them in the military. and during once of the rollerblading at east coast, with ili and sya, i visited chin yong! that was fun, but quite an ordeal, to rollerblade all the way down to sparkc. but getting better, i become 10 mins faster every single trip=)). but i got a pretty bad...bad .. sth. it's not an abrasion, it's just that the skate was pressing on my leg and there wasn't blood running through so there's a dead patch of skin.=S

well i've started my attachment at nus. it's the tenth day i'm ready to collapse thank you thank you. (save me) i spend about at least, 7 hours in front of the comp each day. by the end of the day i have a headache, am frozen by the surely subzero aircon, and the toilet is my 2nd home. no link but who cares. and the more i probe, the more qtns jump out, (and the more i need to probe etc etc. great. great!=) (heyhey rmb not to take things for granted? yeah. don't)

on a darker note, here's what i've noticed so far:
assume stupid until proven smart
assume attached until proven single (awwwwwwwww dam.=( . anyway i haven't really met any dashing nus hunks=P harharhar=) oh. i got another warped theory about hunks and their character. so fun to ppleobserve and overgeneralise=)
assume bad until proven nice. still assume bad.

so far, i've had lunch at nus with eve (at arts!) shifeng (at business!) and grace! (dinner at arts). yay. met grace just now actually, she went to pgp for harmoc pract. hmm good to see friends. really. i love my friends. (resolution no. er. 6 was it?) perhaps i'll have lunch with telle tmr after her work at nuh! woohoo!
tmr's my last day before i go off for my holiday too lar. so it'll be really good.

oh yeah and i went for grace's (+several others') harmoc concert last tues! t'was very nice, just to see friends was very indulging already. i was with hannah and jiahan. gay punk! no offence=)! cool dude. but concerned/freaked, don't be a player! but actually doesn't affect me much i realise, no matter what a pro player he becomes, he'll always gimme tips (for free!-_-). nice buddy. and i had nice flowers for ttt chenglim (3 blue roses! harharhar blue is nice, i agree.) shireen and grace of course (oo i gave her 6 red roses. the guy selling was rather disapproving. heck). it was worth all the trouble carrying them around, worth the being late, and worth beng a little extra (sonnig how old liao. in jin's words-_-) to have sth beautiful to give them at the end of it all. nice. and then i had supper with chenglim and gang. hmm that was nice, i thought, i'll probably never be in that situation again.

ohoh and there's a dr. mark auch, who's...korean. but grew up in germany! and studied in germany! as i was leaving his office (i just happened to be there; it's a little complex) i talkedt o him in german=))) he was SO nice!!!. harhar from my no. of exclamations you can tell how excited i was. but i've only seen him one other time. aww. hope to run into him more often (at LEAST)=). and nobody pronounces his name properly. i went for a safety training course (then all the nus final year project students ask me, so, are you a postgrad? i used to take it as a compliment, but nowadays i just take it as an insult to my appearance/age. -grumble-), this student popped out of nowhere, said he's under "mark. err, dr. ouch"-_- what the. i wanted to teach him=P
about the identity part. i'm so boring i realise. during intros, all i am is just "i just finished my a levels. waiting for my results. yes i hope to go overseas,depending on how i do...." same over and over and over. that's all i am right now, a schoolless little kid (and not that little either..) stuck in the middle of nowhere, not having gone through anything (i can see from their looks when i tell them i just finished As. "har! small fry! hasn't gone through Anything."). seems like anything before undergrad isn't counted as an education. =P "so, you went to imperial?" "yes i did my phd there" "and before that?" "i did my undergrad at manchester (or sth like that can't rmb)" "oh. -sonnig doesn't dare ask anymore, e.g. what jc are you from. that would surely make him laugh-"

yees happy feng? i have my principles ok, no msn no email checking no blogging during office hours. pro. groan. drop by nus again soon!

well the reason why i'm so jittery is probably coz of friday. alles gute! hmmm. hmmmmm. -scrunch-.

hmmph. don't wanna talk to me.FINE. (i'm sorry=S.=(.=S.) i'm not bothered. ... to be cont'd.../furnished with details.

2004-12-22T14:43:00.000-04:00

hello my dear friends! i must confess. i still haven't gotten my xmas cards. damn.
i got a really nice card from sang. i was so touched.
and congrats to jennie! i am still very wow-ed. lieutenant quah. i look forward to that. and i will miss you during your bmt+ocs.hmmm. it's funny. i know i ahem. love you. but i never say anything to show it=). (oh damn so scandalous)
and on (any) troubled friends and juniors=(...don't be troubled=(... that's the best i can do. same goes for myself actually. so i shall bring out my well-said phrase: you get over it. you get over everything. (now remember that sonnig)just depends on how long it takes..

i've been really busy. busier than i've ever been in my life. ok the first few weeks. the first week was totally taken up by shopping, for prom. ah prom(5th dec). it was fun. boring other than photo-taking. but it was pretty sweet. stayed at mandarin after that, with 7 classmates, courtesy of bena('s mom). that was pretty nice, i always like the outta-this-world feeling after staying up a whole night.
and after that we had the qq gathering, i just went to bena's house and came out again. we went to kbox. harhar qq sings well! really well! damn stylo. but i was half dead. lack of sleep.oh yes i had sleepover+bbq (her house went up in smoke, we considered crawling on the floor) at cai's too=) that was nice. i didn't sleep. and we swam on the next day too.

oh yes i tennis-ed and swam at safra with jennie and hon too.well basically my first week was occupied. and so was my second:
we visited ms neo and her baby, zechariah, on tuesday (after qq's outing). i had wednesday free, to myself, but thurs i had to pack up and go for the nus stayover, during which i had loads of fun, all thanks to christelle (refer to her blog, for 9th dec. very comprehensive=).

... hmm. =S. patience. and let's see what fate has to show. (let's play a little game=)
on my nus attachment application, he (the person i am corresponding with) says decision's out in mid jan. and i have a pretty bad feeling, he'd say "well thanks for your interest, but you should apply with the rest in march." =S. and i think i know why i want it, i mean it's a really good experience but it also dictates ...something! damn. i'm done for. "all things will ultimately work out for good!"awww i'd like that. thanks ad.
i know what i'd like for christmas.

and there are those irritating applications on the back of my mind..perpetually. i can't totally relax, or let go.

well i also sent xu xu and qi qiong off. well i admit it, i didn't feel sad at all. i didn't feel much! maybe i know i won't ever lose touch with them, that's good then, isn't it?

and yes some guys went into camp on 10dec. harhar they seem to be having it pretty easy, for now. i was very tempted to apply for a military scholarship too, so that i can get the bmt=). that'd be interesting...so... good on you jen!

hon and i accompanied her (jen) for her interview this monday. yes the plenty of crapping before your interview did help i think, at least it kept your mind occupied and your jaw muscles warmed up. we found outout hon has some motor neurones missing: she can't consciously contract certain muscles, e.g. calf muscles.after that we went to safra again, hon jen and qian li as well, swam, and then we pool-ed. harhar i must develop more confidence! and then jen got her good news. and everything of the future flashed before my eyes. hmmm. was a little sad, in a way.

jen came over to sleepover at my house, that was nice=) though she slept really early (and slept ON Both her blankets) sorry my house was so boring.
speaking of which, 15 pple of 3f came over last saturday for the 3f xmas gathering! (sorry my chronology's all messed up, just saying what comes to mind) it was quite nice=) hope you guys had fun. and i think, we'll be meeting up pretty soon again.

oh yeah, bena gave me ear piercings for xmas. that was after val her and i had fish n chips for lunch on friday (before 3f's sat 18th dec gathering). ouch!! nvm, i'll *remember you forever*.
i suddenly announced to them in the fish n chip shop, look, we're going out as friends now! purely as friends. not "classmates and friends" or "exclassmates and friends". do you get it? do you see how beautiful it is? (i was very touched at that instant, at this realisation. not surprisingly i got the "huh" *lifted eyebrows* look from the other two.)

oh yes! obk pple going off this sunday!! woo! damn exciting. sigh=(. ok this is about all i have to report for now. till the next time!

2004-12-22T14:00:00.000-04:00

at her request and insistence (not to mention, whining and =(((((s and hmmphs) i am here, to blog. about her.

(one paragraph=)) ) harhar okok. she's ok lar. she's my junior from rgs (sec 2 when i was sec 4). awwwwww. rgs. (rambling. sign of i-have-nothing-much-to-say-ness) now we're trying to recall when we first talked to each other. oi stop arguing with me. ah but without that, and without all the gossip, how could we ever have grown to known that .. we love each other.=). (that *space* in my heart is still open btw, for a guy too).

anyway i'm really immature around her=) bad influence. i always used to think i was so old talking to her, like i'm preaching/nagging/etc. but i guess she's finally brought me down to her level. oh yeah! she took german too. but she refuses to speak to me in german. grr.she's err..funny. yeah really. she's witty. i suppose=). harhar no, really. and she's deep. mmm. and i've gotten to know her much better after...ironically, she left singapore. i guess it's because we talk SO MUCH online, even during my As. (gawd gimme a break jin! ok lar she was kind enough to be light on me during my exams. but blew me away with her obsession and rambling afterwards=S) but i don't know, it always turns out that pple with whom i get along easily in person are hard to talk to online, and the vice versa is often true too (i havent' really tested it out) but i suppose i won't meet her for pretty long. awww.

she's an expert on makeup, specifically lip gloss/balm (wth is the diff). yes girls, she's the one i always proudly mention to you guys when we're hovering around makeup counters in espirit before prom-_-. she's very vain=). look:
Kristin says:walao i so ugly
Kristin says:dun wanan show u liao(referring to photo)
Kristin says:i swear in not so u gly in p e rson

i still maintain she's a rather controversial figure. well some pple are just cut out to be=). (i really don't know what i'm talking about. but she insists on 5 paragraphs. how nice and considerate=P oh yay i'm at 5) and well, (drum roll, grand finale) i wish you a merry xmas and a happier 2005. fraught with fewer problems to say the least. and yeah, learn to give up, man! it's not always bad. and YOUR resolution for 2005: be nicer to sonnig.ENOUGH lar. i'm so sick of writing already!!! (oh yeah she's my singlish-practising partner too.)

grr. ok she's not satisfied. (what are you gonna give me for xmas, for writing such a nice passage about you on a popular and widely-read publication?? my maturity and gravity back=(? i miss them.)
so i must clarify a few points. she's not as desperate as she sounds in this entry. ok, she's not desperate. she's just...cute=) (-_-) yes chief editor ms liu what else do you want me to say.
oh yeah, she's pretty, smart, presentable, .. i really can't think of anything "better" to say.=). harhar she makes me laugh. quite alot, when she's in a good mood (which often reciprocates my mood of course). and we gossip alot. =)).gossip really bonds doesn't it. and she gives me pretty good advice (occasionally)despite the age difference/age..inversion. but sometimes she's much more mature than i am. wow right. i guess she's a more..realistic person...but i guess we always have things to learn from people we meet.

i'd love to help with your business, but i can't! wah she's so good with her "=(((((((s"
but it makes me determined to ..resist! and not give in!(i have my principles!) let's see how long i can last-_- she really knows how to make life difficult for me. i think i will resort to crying to fend her off.

2004-11-26T13:06:00.000-04:00

i'm done, finished, the-ended.
the end of alot of things. *remember the first day of rj?all the banners and ogls. and that feeling of being lost*

so after the phys s paper in the morning i went out with classmates + hannah to holland v crystal jade. hmmm. it was strange, i didn't feel anything. felt like there was still some load on the back of my mind. i was more excited at the beginning of the week, when i had about 6 more papers to go.

anyway we then went back, to ulu pandan cc, for 3 hours of badminton. exhausting.. especially since it's been long (i repeat, Four months) since i've done proper exercise.
but i had fun. and in school i met teck tee and harold au coming back for oteam stuff (two years have passed...). that was after phys s. was very high for a moment then, told harold, who gave me a high5! yeah man! "4As 2distinctions (right) and A1 in gp!". how sweet.=)
at 5.30pm the chem s pple joined us. they played a while (thank god, we were so pooped), and we then left for "the incredibles" at cine. xuxu shu and wei li had left. something strange about that boy recently. but i can't put my finger on what.

well we were pretty much caught in jams along orchard, (but the xmas lights were pretty. i was more absorbed in the christelle-shifeng-grace gossip session though. it was good to talk, and laugh of course. we cheered up the whole upper deck of the bus. very good company. really sweet. hmm i think i love them=) and we were late for the show. and the next round was already fully booked. (is it that good?) so. awwww.
but, whose brilliant idea was it to go to cafe cartel? (that IS a qtn, not rhetorical)
the servings are gigantic (qian li was working on his rib for an hour), bread flow free, and only slightly steep. the food's good too. not too healthy definitely.
so it was almost midnight when i got home. (my parents didn't say anything. they're asleep)
i'm so tired but i don't care, i'm Gonna stay up whole night if possible.=)
but no one to talk to hor. even jin has to go to school=(. so really no one. can't even listen to her ramble. (wth. you really don't need this kind of @#$$#@ now. wth. sorry lar, totally qian gong jin qi.)

the bio s (and econs s and geog s pple=) (on the same day!! imagine that=S harharhar) and christelle is the slowest person in the whole world, or the person with the worst memory=) Nevertheless it was sweet to spend time with her. and shifeng. awww.=) pls continue to jia you. (i actually feel a little like i still have to sit for papers).

yes i love the girls=). harhar and grace. girlfriends are necessary. am glad she tells me stuff. very.
grace and i took 190 together, all the way to bt panjang. memories.

well that's also the end, of frequently seeing friends. i would've otherwise not felt much about this, but not today.
and it is also the end of the fire-proof (7 or 11 seconds, i can't remember which), water-proof, xiao bai cai hydrogen peroxide-stained uniform, and possibly the end of school uniform for my whole life.
the end of memorising endless bio facts, and cation colours...though i would love to retain them.

however, it is the start of...
a new life consisting of doing things that i want to do.
reading all the books that i've been wanting to read.
exercising till i drop
endless chatting
endless sleeping.
and essay writing.
sounds like heaven oder? the period between essays-completed to april 05 will probably be the only truly free period we'll have in our lives. can't speak for the guys though. (dec 10, that's ridiculous)
well i'm sure we'll all miss you, because when you come out you'll be a different people from the ones you are now.
and of course there are xu xu yanjie tianjiao and qq leaving.

reading doesn't help. on the contrary, it makes things worse.
and i actually don't like the sound of them. and it still accentuates the feeling of...hmm.

christelle's right, i won't know what i'm talking about two days from now.

and so it would be a stupid thing to do. it's too general.
but. .. dang, i am most likely wrong.-->it's too general yes.

to do, or not to do?

wah how damn irritating @#$!@#$. could you all just somehow, keep it to yourselves. we really are not interested. and i don't give a damn if it seems mean.

oy 11 days.! (and counting..=S)

can't wait to get essays out of the way, and truly start enjoying life. (will that ever be possible?)

2004-10-25T04:49:00.000-04:00

hello!
boring. should be stressful but nah for now boring. (wait till later)
i think i'm moving next next week (what bad timing) to jurong east. i haven't seen the new place, but my parents said it's nice. so no problem with that.

let's see, farewell last last friday, stayed back late did stupid things, took lots of photos involving lightsticks. ohoh nikhil took a photo with me how nice is that=) i took a photo with ms poon too.
haven't been to school except for bio pract and phys pract today. good to see friends, applies generally.

yes got home a while ago, was watching macgyver. ah still my favourite guy. best personality i've known (close to perfect! in fact i really can't find anything wrong with him). darn this episode's a "to be continued..." one so i'll have to watch tmr too.

oh yes week before farewell, stayed in school every day till the last day, till 8, 9pm, because that saturday was going to be SAT. stayed with christelle and hon mainly. the last night was very memorable (despite no sightings=( ), i was in the canteen with hon yingheng pam and john, hon got so high she went to play the rubbish-bin-8pm-live-3-on-3 floorball game. i'll miss school for this, amongst numerous other things.

oh and, if anyone needs advice (on uni apps especially) they should ask serene (lee). she's really good. and it's amazing how i've been friends with pple not from any of 113/212/312/412, like leeting and serene. fate has its own ways.

last sat i went for the written test at hcjc with xiz. haven't seen her for a while, it was fun=) and we had sth to eat at lot 1 just like 2 years ago. hm. one. and i met leeting=) ah her passion. xiz and i agreed that she'll make it big in whatever she does.
oh and that look! so shockingly (likewise i bet) funny. =) oh well.
and sth in the air told me it's not that simple anymore.

mystery time.

i'm obviously changing, but the worst part is, i don't know whether it's for the better or worse. (but i don't seem to find it good myself. like this blank sheet of paper, nothing to offer but so clear and open for the world to see. the more i offer to the outside the less i have inside for myself, it feels like that. i don't know if it's .. more passion for life or, just a facade. maybe i've been hoping it's a facade but it's slowly becoming me.)
anyway i'm pretty bothered by certain things. and should be bothered by some things.

i don't like "loving" too much in a relationship (not that kind) and consequently giving too much, not that i mind giving that much but it's just, unbalanced. (and i don't think it can be helped either) and it goes into a cycle, where the person giving too much becomes devalued. so what? i don't care? i don't wanna tell you anything, i don't wanna hear anything? does that help?
on second thoughts, i did have my "didn't-treasure-it" days.
ah what bad examples i gave to serene today=) but that was fun. it was wonderful to see her smile, i'm not the only one who's alive! and high. (which is bad-_-)

and i know why we weren't sad on the "last" day of school (nor farewell for that matter, for me), unlike what i felt on the last day of school in sec 4. because then we knew that things were gonna be different after that, we'll never be together like that again (at least not for as long) like, innocence and simplicity lost. but here we're all just gonna continue being the way we are. there's not much to change, there's not much to lose. (It's all been lost?)

and to be a little gloomy, i realise we're nothing but numbers. mm. yeah. that's how everyone sees everyone else, that's all we're worth to everyone else. maybe it isn't a bad thing too.
and it's amazing how friends can be made, just like that (*snap*).
a number really changes opinions doesn't it.

and i've been wondering, what it would've been like if i had spent the past few years somewhere else. maybe i could have really pursued something of interest and indepth. but too bad, i've just spent my adolescence. and anyway it wasn't that bad was it? i was half-expecting and hoping my teenage years to be pieced together by different experiences, but settling down somewhere is good in a way.

and am still gloating over the photo with nikhil=) harhar it's just a joke (so maybe i should stop), but his eyes ARE so nice. soulful, that's the word i'd use just for his.

naaah. i really don't care how you see me. ...
and half expecting blue.
and i reckon it's still not worth it...but well such things are inexplicable.
argh somethings i still can't stand, and i really cannot help it. so just...go away.and i'm really sure about it too.

jen: don't think about it now. actually i don't really know what i can say or do, but i just hope you're not too affected and that you know that you have all the time in the world after the exams to sort everything out.

2004-09-28T10:09:00.000-04:00

what is this, show review week?
=) well i went out with xu xu shulin hannah eric today after phys s (our official last paper. argh, finally. feeling more zombified by the day). we had a good lunch at taka crystal jade, after which xu xu and i caught xin jing cha gu shi/new police story. it's my first time watching a chinese show in the cinema; was never quite enthusiastic about such a prospect, and was even a little reluctant about this at first. but xu xu said some of her room mates had caught it and said that it was jackie chan's best movie by far, which i agree with now.

it really was quite good. lots of bullets whizzing past, lots of glass breaking, nice breathtaking .. edge-of-buildings views. but the plot was really good too, really painful. although jackie chan's not exactly fantastic at xin1 li3 miao2 xie3 but the plot sufficed. a few surprises here and there, a little bit of humour occasionally (one really funny part), many many stunts and heavy guns. but it was obvious he's aged. i've actually lived long enough to witness things/people change..hmm. not too encouraging. but he's 40+++? and still doing all those things, whoa. if i ever had an idol that'll be him, his spirit mainly. and he seems a very nice guy.

but the pain was very real at the beginning. xu xu was squeezing my hand every now and then, well i was squeezing hers too. and it was pain that was beyond...tears. (doesn't sound impressive but really..) all i could do was sit there, squint my eyes, sigh and shake my head. (i feel old).

the ending wasn't too extensively developed though, the emotional part. and everything just melted into "awww victims of society, all of them".

anyway so irritating.
nothing's for sure, that's why i'm such an uncertain person.
i'm quite sick of everything around me. ich habe die Nase voll. und ich vermisse Deutsch. also dann schreibe ich hier ein paar deutsche Wörter. sag nichts! geh los.
durch Leben und alle Erfahrungen lernt man besser zu sein. hoffentlich.
und es macht nicht, ob du dich kümmerst, weil es mir völlig egal ist.
that took a bit of an effort..

happy merry zhong qiu jie, wo auch immer du bist. (i'm effectively trilingual, for this sentence)

2004-09-26T09:45:00.000-04:00

well just finished watching vertical limit so time for another show review! =) rambling time more like.
it was quite disturbing, and it brought to mind what mr khoo said, about A.I., how computers will never be human because they can't perceive the value of infinity. "2 lives are worth more than 1? no, two inifinities are not larger than one infinity".
but only the front part was truly disturbing, the repeating scenario at the end where the old guy cut his rope to save (give them a chance to survive, rather) the rest only brought to mind "aaas predicted" unfortunately. well at least he got a part of his wish fulfilled before he died.
but the dad..was..ouch. such a great dad. but well i figured life's all about sacrifices; some people have less so that we can have more, whether the "so that" is a "damit" (with the intention of) or a "sodaß" (as a result). ah heil deutsch.
actually right now i feel rather inspired to sacrifice my life for, any worthy purpose. so what if you die, so what if you live? his sister (whatever their names are i can't remember. oh peter and annie. so sweet), annie, (now that she has a name) lives, gets to see peter, the other 6 (more actually) who died...well they just died and had their picture pinned on the mass of rocks at base camp. it doesn't sound like too bad an idea...everything just, ceases, to exist, to happen. no i'm not suicidal. but...i really don't see much significance, in the difference between living and dying. actually i'd live not for things i'd get to see or enjoy, but for not wanting to miss people around me.
well i often think, dying is like, causing a little localised ripple in this world. but the ripple fades away over time. well alright maybe it's a little different, there'll always be a little indentation at the centre.
the sound of "everything just ceases" isn't that bad. (no really, i'm not suicidal.) actually my mom will personally assure me that everything will cease if she ever sees this. she thinks life is the most important thing; i disagree with her at times and she'd say i'm dumb. maybe i'll change my mind and adopt hers when i have kids. but for now i still think there are some things worth dying for.

let's see, they managed to get the sister out, in the course of which....ah, 4 rescuers died. it's...too complicated for my brain right now, i can't make a judgement=S. and the only conclusion i can make for the night is, mountain climbing is scary, no equipment is reliable. (all the picks or whatever you call it keep slipping at the critical moments). the pakistanis were cute=)