segeln. ruhe. zwang

same old, same old.

what an awfully packed day. so i managed to psyche myself up to the level of gripping panic since yesterday afternoon, resulting in an inability to take a nap the whole day on friday after my morning exam (i slept 5 hours before that exam), and 2 intermittent two hour naps between 2am and 10am this (sat) morning, involving countless times of hitting the snooze button coupled with attempted self-consolation.
it sucks to be the last one to finish the exams. i always thought its no big deal, but now that i was actually in that situation, it sucks big time. i walked miserably and grouchily to my exam at 1.30pm, through the snowcovered walkways AND roads, with more snow finding its way down my collar, arriving 2mins before 1.30 and finding a whole classroom filled with pple who look like they've already been writing away for an hour. (so freaky. but i could tell at least there was one other "normal" person, the guy who arrived a little shortly after me. i think he looked a little less stunned when he entered than how i looked..)
it was kinda hard...but after finishing it it was like woosh! i can proclaim i'm done!! couldnt quite get the tension out, it was like hysteresis: slow relaxation resulting in some residual .... stress. but at least i could finally waste time without feeling That guilty...
so then we went for dinner at old man wok and dragged quek along with us...harhar... then we rented two movies and it was about 11 when i was contacted, to go out to the bars later as planned.
so after spending quite alot of time clearing the two inch blanket accumulated on...well, any flat surface including the numerous surfaces that my car has.. i drove down green st, very, carefully, found alot, ran down the line at brothers looking for a familiar face but found none. my calls were unanswered and i was about to run back to my car and get myself home, before i saw lalit waving at me from the line. it was nice to meet him! so i lined up with him (its meant to be?). for a while i was still stuck in the accent thing and i only realised after half a minute how weird i was feeling...i think lalit felt it too...harhar...but i managed to lapse into normal-ism after a while.. it was nice to have had this hour of standing in the snow talking to lalit... as long as the conversation topics don't run dry. he makes me feel very at ease, one of the rare few acquaintances who still make me feel like i can be me, instead of putting up what i think would be a sociable front. but it's funny..i admire lalit for being so .. "out there" mixing with everyone (in his smooth way!) and thought this night was a great opportunity, a second one at that, to make it good possibly. i told lalit that finally i'm ready to get out of my usual (closed) circle, but its my last semester! harhar
so in between getting into brothers and the end of my night...
my first sighting of police (in uniform) in a bar, apparently taking away some pple involved in a brawl. feeling out of place and desperately dependent only on one person. chose the way i wanted it to come out. drove down a one way street and seeing the red "wrong way" sign. got yelled at trying to figure out how to defog the windshield ("just turn the heater on i don't wanna think about the physics now!!"). highly amused by what's out there in the REAL college world (so much trouble that one could get into......). =PPP at the smell. fidgetedly awkwarded and feeling out of place (again) and thinking crap i wanted to get away i wanted to get out but it just ends up the same over and over because i'm just too painfully timid which results in a supremely antisocial demeanor. shouted "i want to skid!!" and had my wish granted, a few times. and figured out that i don't know what i want in life. thought that "just do what makes you happy" is an oversimplified rule to live by, although "do something productive" is way more practical. and figured out i'm not ready either. status quo is good. pooped --> sleep, without worries tonight!!

posted by sunny @ 05:32