oh no my blog is dead.
and my comment box is being spammed!!
and my comment box is being spammed!!
wow i can hear the crickets chirp and the dry breeze through the desolate grass plain (of illinois).
so i'm back. for a while now. life is ok..in general, slow and boring. but i'm sure a year's gonna pass swiftly.. as years do like to do nowadays.
so i thought about it a little more. so very upsetting that it's hard to get a hold of myself sometimes, getting swung up and down and around. but i finally thought enough (through the ouch) to figure it out. i'm very easily affected and traumatized because of what is represented: my hopes and dreams. falling through. so in the end it's all about me, eh. and of course i hope thinking about running down lincoln towards the traffic light at windsor, with the patch of forest to my left, the silo to my right, and a vast golden field of corn right in front, will always be a permanent cure for blues.
it's funny. i remembered some time ago i was thinking. i think everyone is special because we grow to become special. not just the experiences we have that could be unique...but the things - thoughts scars lessons whatnot - that remain with us at the end. it's like as we grow up we accumulate so much that we don't and can't tell and explain to anyone anymore. so tiring to carry stuff around.
went up to chicago and met xizhen. omg. harhar. wow. we ate alot. met up with dennis, eugene, saw yinyi briefly outside her aptment, met bernard and shenting for a meal too. loved hanging out with xizzy at the house of blues. brought her back to champaign with us over the weekend. =)..
things are pretty much all the same.
did i mention unofficial was quite a blast? made a few new acquaintances, fairly interesting company. overall very different. i wonder if doing what i wanna do really makes me hm...
ignored so many pple over this past sem. i think i'm just too, one-at-a-time-ish. can't have too many friends simultaneously. feels like i have too little time left. at least i can think of some characteristic times for all of the past few sems, not like my first few, kinda muddled through them.
i got an email about being upgraded to a confirmed seat for my motorbike course. am overjoyed! something i've always always wanted to get to do. but realized i have no one to tell it to; or perhaps i don't have the urge to tell anyone i can think of. it's almost like a loss of appetite. but i reserve a right to do so, even if it offends like i've never done before=S i'm always so good at ruling things out. you're so wrong; if you knew. ha.
403 has been hard work, but luckily i'm taking very few hours this sem and i can focus more attention on it. could be better still! and always doing my report last minute. harhar bad habit. sigh. what am i gonna do. feel ... outside-ish. gotta start recuperating early.
it's april already, i have 40 days left.
this weekend's gonna be wild though.
i lost something precious in college. relax, not what you think it is. i lost altruism. i listened to myself when i saw dickson raising an eyebrow to what i had to say, and i'm horrified after thinking about it. but maybe i didn't lose it coz it supposedly doesn't exist right. well next time i'll hush, because really, i sound so appalling.
but i did learn something! i learnt that running to techno is absolutely shiok. next time i get struck by ;( there's a cure. i can feel the amphetamine, no that's not the word please don't report me. i can feel the... endorphins, that's right harhar. every 20 mins i feel like i could go on forever. boingboing. and i also learnt that i was born for this weather. it's absolutely shiok too. i mutter (feel like eating mutton curry when i said that, for some reason) under my breath curses of it when i have to go out in it, but secretly, i adore the sharpcoldness in my lungs. really feel alive (and free too..for some reason...). i saw a guy running by me in berms beanie sweatshirt, and i swear if i end up in such a godforsaken place again i'm gonna get my own gear. harhar.
whatthe*toot* is wrong with champaign. it started raining in the afternoon of course i was only vaguely aware of it. was thinking it'll end by the time i go home at 5+.. but nooooooooooooo. ok it was dumb of me too to wanna go to dcl to drop off my stuff before i went home, but since i'm already carryign it might as well. but it was unfortunate the rain got bigger.. and 2 minutes before i reached home (ok fine lucky it was only 2 mins) it turned into a unrestrained downpour. waaaaaaaaaaah. i fffffff the way to my door.
oh yeah it's been a bad day also because: i broke my sample in lab so had to stay longer, i saw the whole process of a collision outside bp, wet feet again, found out my subatomic prof rides a bike home, in the pouring rain (!!!! ;(;(;(;(), dripped in my room for 15minutes now and the toilet is still occupied (@!#%@!^%!@#$!@$#), undone hw. multiple.
need much much comfort (food).
it was an amazing day because i couldn't see past 50m and everytime i crossed the road i feared a white chevrolet would crawl silently out of the mist and devour me like jaws. ok fine not so dramatic. ("visibility: 1/8 mile")
it was a miserable day because my feet were wet from 10-5. ;(
it was a fortuitous day because it was (supposedly) 50F, and not -20F. oh wait that's why my feet are Wet to begin with. all the dirt slushie. but oh wait somemore, here's the good news, more precipitation coming our way!
it was a ridiculous day because it's monday and i'm already pooped and ready for a weekend.
i need comfort food and i need to wash my feet
there goes my car!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! it just went by my room window!!
i have some attachment/detachment issues to work out.
waited the whole day for "chester" to show up; he was 4+ hours overdue. i thought he was going to be a grouchy middle aged stubbled baseball capped man, but i was wrong. he was a very pleasant, soft-spoken, tall and buff young man. harhar! think luke. harhar..