over my head
the weekend was good stuff, a little smoky. harhar. i enjoyed myself, basking in all the singaporeaness. i never would have imagined, that i'd enjoy summer so.=)... but i was somewhat dazed and confused too....hmmmmmmm. shrugs.
and a little puzzled...it was all ok at the beginning of summer, and then something snapped and i don't even know what. =S. well is it my fault?? tell me if it is. otherwise get off of it.
it rained yesterday, so it was meant to be that i stayed home and got started on that packing i had promised to do nonlastminutedly. so i did. took a little bit of courage just to start. hmm..i don't really have alot of stuff i realised...i think a 3rd of my possessions = books, a 3rd = clothes and the other 3rd...HARHAR. like various lotions that i will never get down to using, which i bought just coz they smelled nice. doh. hmm really little possessions. nah i like it that way.
and i had alot of papers... stuff...papery stuff... 90% of which i threw out as i filtered through them. hmm...got me thinking. i used to be such a hang-on-to-everything-for-dear-life-or-memory person...but now i just love to get around with minimal baggage.... yerp. learn to detach yourself from all that is ephemeral kiddo. ;(
well everything's spilled all over my living room floor, but no worries, i've got it all under control. i just have to throw out half of what's in the living room and the remainder's keepers. i wish i had an suv, so i could fit everything into my car. well maybe my chrysler's magically big enough. who knows.
i even got my bag for home all packed...=)....two more weeks. and my prof's on holiday for the next two weeks. winks;)
hmmm...also, on my way home yesterday something suddenly came to my mind. inspired by the weekend i must say. i think, that people who knowingly or unknowingly seek attention of those around them/display selfcenteredness (nb, not selfish-ness) haven't or refuse to grow up. respectively. and they are, not to mention, irritating. food for thought. yumyum.
and i can pretty safely say that "my fallen idol" is my fav scrubs episode. oops. hurhurhur.
another Very spontaneous weekend getaway perhaps? whaddya say.
and remind me to continue living in my own world in fall just like i did/do in summer=).
so i varied my route a little today. i parked at the university arboretum lot, and headed for orchard downs (which was bleaaah). then i came up race st, which i always liked, from the drives back from church. very green=) coz it's evergreens. so that was nice. anyway, the little mansion opp. the big chancellor's mansion along florida looked like a miniature replica of it! red bricks, grey tiled roof, long rectangular windows with white blind thingies whatever you call them...hmmmmmmm. maybe the vice chancellor lives there harhar.
then i walked down the path with the flowers on either side=) they were all small and quite pretty, nice bright colors. and then there was this big round garden with alot of flowers inside...all still miniscule and growing.. kinda different from when i was last here, which was some time near winter when all was barren. it was so nice and quiet and the air was so sweet that it was romantic, and i could fall in love, with myself. HAHA. so egotistical and vain. but far from being on par with some of the pple i've known. pfft.
anyway yar the flowers were small and nice (pardon the lack of adjectives but i was never overflowing with those) and i imagined that planting them in and putting the soil on each one had as therapeutic an effect as...collecting fresh laundry....or maybe grooming a pet (i wouldn't know)..or driving madly on interstate in some random direction..harhar. so i think, when i grow up (...), besides having two massive dogs, i will plant pretty little petunias and vincas and angelonias on my lawn, and let the dogs trample them. HAHA.
anyway, to illustrate my pt about the very romantic atmosphere, there was a couple behind their car hugged together warmly. all the while when i walked back to scrutinize a map for 5 minutes (hoping they'd disperse meanwhile), walked past them to my car, got in started and drove off. harhar. shrugshrug. beats me.
cross my fingers and toes that i will be excused from chp395, and more imptly, that i'll get art 199.;(( i really want that (those).
pfffft. 33%. !@#$%#
f-ing pissed off.
all i'm gonna remember of summer is running errands x 10. half of my f-ing todo list is for other pple. just one too many.
you know, with some pple it's ok, regardless of whether you're awfully close to them or not. you don't feel like you've been made use of just because it's more convenient that way for them (even though it is less convenient for you of course). you feel like, the person really means he/she "appreciates it" (which they all say), and that you're really going out of your way to do this for them. if they could do anything about it, they would, and they have done all they can. you're their last resort.
i have always always felt that if you can help without going through much trouble (maybe just a bit of a hassle), let's say just drive down somewhere and run an errand for someone who really needs it, it doesn't cost me much time or effort and i'm more than happy to help. ju3 shou3 zhi1 lao2. really doesn't mean anything to me because it's so simple. i hope i don't lose this attitude, even though pple who are on the receiving end are beginning to adopt it as well, which is WRONG. it's wrong for a person being helped to think, geeeee it's so easily accomplished by her anyway; it's nothing much (go do it yourself). for me, personally, i think it's ok if one takes oneself for granted, but it is a sin for others to take one for granted.
but this isn't the worst. the worst is when you're victim of a purpose. i really hate that.. i really hate sugarcoated motives...(esp when it takes me a while to realize coz i'm so wols.)
let me continue this bitter post and say how bloody glad i am that some pple are out of my life: i am very glad. they have been a waste of my time and energy. luckily i didn't spend too much of my emotions on that. i have never met pple so simply and overwhelmingly RIDICULOUS.
cheated and took so long to realise. some people just don't get it, or deserve it. notetoself: withdraw for own good. there's a limit now, to what i can take.
it's been a while. i started "work" last week and it's moving along slowly..very slowly. have gotten used to being along again and out of my postholiday downs. so i'm starting to enjoy my time here and the quiet campus. well, i liked my holiday too. although the travelling was, well, really quite trying. came to dread the way back, but at least That didnt turn out to be 30+ hours, although it was horrid too..
jen and hon you are both right. harhar. greyhound, the cheapest way to get around longdist, if you've got all the time in the world, and don't mind spending a few hours during every transfer at notorious stations.
and joshua, i met someone who could beat you. and she's a granny!! she was greyhounding from boston to LA. horrors.
went up to chicago to visit xu xu over the weekend too. way too short. harhar... she was studying so i tried to minimize my presence... which kinda defeats the purpose right. oh well. i think next time i'll simply go up and just enjoy myself aimlessly, instead of with "purposes to achieve".
hmm, surprise surprise, but i can't wait to get back. but there's so much to be done after i get back too...sigh. 4 weeks (possibly less..) will pass so quickly. sigh.