Monday, June 16, 2003

i feel. better. good actually.
i think it's just the late night/early morning.

solvent extraction: drip drip
dcm: headache
nothing to do (morning): mug/cracking at dirty jokes and "innocence"/arguing about nonsensical things or the meaning of life

i did go for "class" outing. there were kai, yunlei, em, jen, py and me. we ate and gossipped. hope everyone had fun.
meeting ad tomorrow! whoopee!=) that'll do it.

Sunday, June 15, 2003

i feel so...

SUFFOCATED. that's the word.

sigh. sometimes life is so innocently, blissfully simple...yet at others it's so complex....entangling one like a web. nothing works out. stuck.

and they leave one by one.
i've no one to talk to. but i can't say it anyway. too much for words. now would be a good time for a holiday.

it hurts. seems like - doesn't care. yet when i see's so different. sometimes it seems like - can't be bothered. so disheartening. but then...everyone has their own lives. but why can't we go the same way? i guess this is the time we discover how we differ from one another, and how our paths differ....branching off in different directions. i can just picture our paths moving in different directions....with no bridges linking.
no that's not it. there's more. bitterness...sadness...frustration...

"i'm honest"
"what's the incentive?"
principles are not incentives-driven. definitely not. they're unwavering.

was it something i said?
was it the coke and the long hours i slept yesterday?

be thankful for what i have (much...) and look forward to better times. it's just a mood thing.

was very sad to leave the today. was i the only one? suddenly felt like i was leaving forever...could see them still playing as i climbed the stairs and left...could remember feeling "this is the last time". (sounds pretty bad) i don't like it when i get struck by pangs when normal people don't.

there are some songs which make your heart screw up and cry. don't you think so? don't you feel it down the back of your spine, the back of your head? don't you feel tears welling up and filling your eyes, yet that's as far it comes? so mild, yet so powerful.

oh look. reflective. but it's worse than narratives: there's nothing to get from here. just a mess of incoherency. (no, i am not "lovesick"-_- however much this may sound like)
urgh. reflections are dangerous.

Saturday, June 14, 2003

too many days have passed for me to recount day by day.

last week of school was relaxed.. i remember that thurs i went to support the tennis match. sonya played well. tricia looked pretty serious=) rather different from astro. too bad the guys lost, but just as the rugby match, it was quite clear who the winner should have been.

the first week of holidays consisted of waking up early to go for "rmp". very glad that there's at least someone else doing the same thing, furthermore, nice waikit!
our project's "application of nanotechnology in oral chemotherapy". we met up with the professor on sat, he gave us some reading to do, and man it took us a while. but i'm glad because it sorta got me into the mood, especially when waikit was taking it so seriously and trying very hard to understand. if i had read it alone, i think i would've just let everything swim in my head and moved on to the next page.

during this week we've done "afm" (atomic force microscope) but didn't see much. just orange glowing spheres.
lots of weighing with an ultrasensitive balance
homogenizing, to make an emulsion (but the foam kept coming out, so to homogenize for an acculumated time of 4 minutes we had to spend 40 minutes)
centrifuging (which was less troublesome because we just had to leave the samples in the machine)
more weighing
freeze drying
more homogenizing
basically we didn't have to do much, you just dump things in the machines and they do everything for you.

wed morning xiz and i went to the embassy to pick up our tickets for the trip. exciting stuff: taking off on sat 210603 3.45am (jen still wanna send us off=)?), stopping over at dubai, landing at düsseldorf, visiting bonn, cologne, berlin and potsdam, flying from berlin to munich (whoo hope they sell lots of bayern münchen stuff in the airport) stopping at dubai again, and back to singapore on 060703, the last day (sunday) of the first week of school.

i've done nothing! really, absolutely, no-thing.

class chalet later/soon. meeting class at 11.30.

mon, tues, wed to be spent at nus. hopefully thurs will be free for shopping. and fri (the 20th) will either be spent shopping again or hiking (so fun), and at night we'll take the bus to the airport. xin dong already. stone until 3am...what could be entertainment during this time? and we can't call anyone, considering it's past midnight. who won't mind us calling them?