Monday, October 25, 2004

boring. should be stressful but nah for now boring. (wait till later)
i think i'm moving next next week (what bad timing) to jurong east. i haven't seen the new place, but my parents said it's nice. so no problem with that.

let's see, farewell last last friday, stayed back late did stupid things, took lots of photos involving lightsticks. ohoh nikhil took a photo with me how nice is that=) i took a photo with ms poon too.
haven't been to school except for bio pract and phys pract today. good to see friends, applies generally.

yes got home a while ago, was watching macgyver. ah still my favourite guy. best personality i've known (close to perfect! in fact i really can't find anything wrong with him). darn this episode's a "to be continued..." one so i'll have to watch tmr too.

oh yes week before farewell, stayed in school every day till the last day, till 8, 9pm, because that saturday was going to be SAT. stayed with christelle and hon mainly. the last night was very memorable (despite no sightings=( ), i was in the canteen with hon yingheng pam and john, hon got so high she went to play the rubbish-bin-8pm-live-3-on-3 floorball game. i'll miss school for this, amongst numerous other things.

oh and, if anyone needs advice (on uni apps especially) they should ask serene (lee). she's really good. and it's amazing how i've been friends with pple not from any of 113/212/312/412, like leeting and serene. fate has its own ways.

last sat i went for the written test at hcjc with xiz. haven't seen her for a while, it was fun=) and we had sth to eat at lot 1 just like 2 years ago. hm. one. and i met leeting=) ah her passion. xiz and i agreed that she'll make it big in whatever she does.
oh and that look! so shockingly (likewise i bet) funny. =) oh well.
and sth in the air told me it's not that simple anymore.

mystery time.

i'm obviously changing, but the worst part is, i don't know whether it's for the better or worse. (but i don't seem to find it good myself. like this blank sheet of paper, nothing to offer but so clear and open for the world to see. the more i offer to the outside the less i have inside for myself, it feels like that. i don't know if it's .. more passion for life or, just a facade. maybe i've been hoping it's a facade but it's slowly becoming me.)
anyway i'm pretty bothered by certain things. and should be bothered by some things.

i don't like "loving" too much in a relationship (not that kind) and consequently giving too much, not that i mind giving that much but it's just, unbalanced. (and i don't think it can be helped either) and it goes into a cycle, where the person giving too much becomes devalued. so what? i don't care? i don't wanna tell you anything, i don't wanna hear anything? does that help?
on second thoughts, i did have my "didn't-treasure-it" days.
ah what bad examples i gave to serene today=) but that was fun. it was wonderful to see her smile, i'm not the only one who's alive! and high. (which is bad-_-)

and i know why we weren't sad on the "last" day of school (nor farewell for that matter, for me), unlike what i felt on the last day of school in sec 4. because then we knew that things were gonna be different after that, we'll never be together like that again (at least not for as long) like, innocence and simplicity lost. but here we're all just gonna continue being the way we are. there's not much to change, there's not much to lose. (It's all been lost?)

and to be a little gloomy, i realise we're nothing but numbers. mm. yeah. that's how everyone sees everyone else, that's all we're worth to everyone else. maybe it isn't a bad thing too.
and it's amazing how friends can be made, just like that (*snap*).
a number really changes opinions doesn't it.

and i've been wondering, what it would've been like if i had spent the past few years somewhere else. maybe i could have really pursued something of interest and indepth. but too bad, i've just spent my adolescence. and anyway it wasn't that bad was it? i was half-expecting and hoping my teenage years to be pieced together by different experiences, but settling down somewhere is good in a way.

and am still gloating over the photo with nikhil=) harhar it's just a joke (so maybe i should stop), but his eyes ARE so nice. soulful, that's the word i'd use just for his.

naaah. i really don't care how you see me. ...
and half expecting blue.
and i reckon it's still not worth it...but well such things are inexplicable.
argh somethings i still can't stand, and i really cannot help it. so just...go away.and i'm really sure about it too.

jen: don't think about it now. actually i don't really know what i can say or do, but i just hope you're not too affected and that you know that you have all the time in the world after the exams to sort everything out.