wow i can hear the crickets chirp and the dry breeze through the desolate grass plain (of illinois).
so i'm back. for a while now. life is ok..in general, slow and boring. but i'm sure a year's gonna pass swiftly.. as years do like to do nowadays.
so i thought about it a little more. so very upsetting that it's hard to get a hold of myself sometimes, getting swung up and down and around. but i finally thought enough (through the ouch) to figure it out. i'm very easily affected and traumatized because of what is represented: my hopes and dreams. falling through. so in the end it's all about me, eh. and of course i hope thinking about running down lincoln towards the traffic light at windsor, with the patch of forest to my left, the silo to my right, and a vast golden field of corn right in front, will always be a permanent cure for blues.
it's funny. i remembered some time ago i was thinking. i think everyone is special because we grow to become special. not just the experiences we have that could be unique...but the things - thoughts scars lessons whatnot - that remain with us at the end. it's like as we grow up we accumulate so much that we don't and can't tell and explain to anyone anymore. so tiring to carry stuff around.