Thursday, July 24, 2003

hmm. this ten days of non-posting didn't feel as long as other durations of ten days.

days are the same...waking up...going to school...coming home. there's no distinction. its just all a mad rush for time and sleep and homework. feels very empty, it just me?

on tuesday i felt so bad. i went up to a queue...and heard someone(s) call me. i turned around and there were serene and cai sitting at a bench eating and chatting and laughing. this...wave of relief just overtook me.

german's getting more fun. seems like wednesdays are "girls' night out" (to german class). just that h.w seems to have lost faith in us. he came down to check on us yesterday and said "do i have to invite you guys up every lesson?".....ah well. better hide in some obscure corner of the canteen on monday. but not as if green can hide well anywhere.

and i get so irritated when my dad comes in and sits at my desk, watching me type. LIKE NOW.

sometimes i really can't be...xin1 ping2 qi4 he2. yet other times everything's right. why.

shall not complain about ipw in front of my groupmates. bad bad thing to do. even though i have this..man3 qiang2 de nu4 huo3. ok not so bad. close enough. what is there to creativity when our boundaries are set out for us and there are grades to discourage us from venturing out.

learnt some french from both kai and sya today. like "i want to go home" "i'm sad and depressed and i want to go home" "damn" (which later i mispronounced as "oysters") so forth. kai has an amazing affinity for german, which i do not have for french=P but i think it's not just french...for everything.
(photog chair: "sun yi have you returned the digital camera?"
me: "....what digital camera? did i ever use one?"
him: "yeah sure you did. last time, during xxxx (i can't remember what he said). oh yes i remember now, you've returned it"
me: "WHAT digital camera? (panic)"
him: "gee you have short-term memory loss don't you"
me: "that's coz i dont' have a photographic memory.")
ok that cheered me up. -_-

after school went home with cai. when we got off at jurong east, we just sat at on the platform and talked. felt relaxed.

i think some things really can't be forced. if it's not meant to be, don't force it. makes no diff if it doesn't make it worse. yet i dont' realise how amazing it is when things do work, until of course when things dont' work anymore. what is the meaning of this.

yesterday i met a friend. how amusing. i didnt' have much to say...except when it came to my favourite rambling topic.

cheer up jen, cheer up serene. thanks crystal.

i just feel like rambling on....heck i will. anyway by now i've lost most of the audience so i presume i can safely ramble away. friday tomorrow. oh yes herr w wants to have remedial classes on friday (how exciting. honestly). hmm that's quite ...inappropriate and appropriate. i finish at 4...and then 7.30 is astro. so it means i either have to take a cab there or back. astro...well it's getting better again. although last friday had been .. quite an ordeal for us. but it was really enjoyable...the beach...the waves....the dark ripples (now it sounds scary)... the light in the distances...the rustle of the trees...familiar faces all around. that was good. if i'm allowed to go out at night i'll go there again...well at least there's still somewere in singapore where i can relax and forget about everything momentarily

and then there was eureka quiz (eupeka!). last saturday. tea reception was good. the caterers did everything....and we just ate. and walked around in formal u just to pretend there were things to do. smile and "this way please"....and kept delivering food to the astro pple. that was fun. bring loads and loads of food into the lt, sit down, chat and stuff ourselves.
after that, ran into shu, who was going to go to nj for the fun fair. so i decided there and then, that i shall go too. it had been brewing, but earlier in the week i really didn't think i would go....but ah well sometimes the unexpected happens when you're not ready. anyway we went and we met loo, i messaged leeting and we had this long conversation in the german room...that was the most memorable part. hmm who else....bhavani....juanita (she's still as funny. i still feel so "guilty" when i talk to her. like kidding with her/kidding her).
and while walking through the tent leeting and i ran into guojun. it was weird...such a fleeting moment, didn't even look at him properly..and i had to take the initiative to shake hands. maybe next time when i meet someone whom i've talked to in person, i shouldn't shake hands with them? what else then?
and dennis. that was an interesting encounter ("you didn't say anything!" "i didn't say anything because YOU didn't have anything to say!") hmm it's either been 2 or 3 years. 3 i think. rather amazing.

it was funny, we were at the row of stalls where they sold decorative items/books/fax machines (-_-)....i told leeting, food and books are the only things that interest me and she said "yeah yeah same here!". we approached the table and i had a funny feeling, while leeting said "i think most of the good ones are gone, but you might find something here"...and i saw it! the parrot/maths book from the library! so i grabbed it...and the guy said i could offer any price-_- (to which i responded quite ridiculously but. nvm.)

oh yes. they had that dunking machine too. and towards the end of the whole event there was a big commotion around it....because the discipline mistress (dm) was sitting over the water. this wiry-haired chinese woman (sorta reminds me of some of my relatives..the fiercer ones). of course i didn't know it was the dm. i said to grace, it's probably someone they all hate (how right i was). and then in the crowd i spotted shiqin....and she told me what was going on. so apparently the cricket guys were trying to shoot her down. and they were in the process of bidding, and it was up to $50 (to the obvious dismay of the dm). so, the cricket guys kept missing while the whole school watched (and they all booed the thrower everytime he missed). and then one of them hit the target...but she didn't fall (think she was too heavy....the downward force was too great...and friction prevented the lever from moving sideways and releasing her into the water=P).
finally all quietened down again...and one of them aimed and shot and this time she went down. there seemed to be a pause between the moment the target was hit and before she hit the was almost instantaneous...but everything seemed frozen.......and then everything came back again and "the crowd went wild"...
i thought she looked really sad sitting up there....while all the students stood around waiting eagerly to watch her downfall.

i've been narrating again. but if i dont' i'll just write abstract words that somehow connect themselves to form what i think and feel.

noch eine Woche ist wird bald wieder montag und die fuenften Woche, die das Ende des Junis markiert.

Monday, July 14, 2003

everytime i say i'm sad something good happens. apparently not this time...

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

suddenly time is so slow it's almost come to a standstill. slow and painful.
i remember little hye yun in the Ubahn. she looked at her watch sorrowfully and tried in vain to command it to halt.

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

!blogging from berlin! (8pm)

3 more days.

too much has happened. for e.g., we visited the reichstag, the wall, checkpoint charlie museum, potsdam.. and while in bonn we visited cologne and aachen. there are so many magnificent buildings that after a while you get quite tired of whoooooa-ing. its like full of history and grandeur here. taken about 500 photos. the pple in our group are really nice. there are two girls from canada, two girls from america, two guys from india, a girl and a guy, each from korea and japan.

not really looking forward to going back. but. tian xia wu bu san zhi yan xi.